Stockholm, Sweden

Just spent 10 days in Stockholm. What have I learned?

First of all -- yes -- there are many beautiful girls in Sweden. But that does not mean they are friendly, sociable, or down for whatever. Sexy does not mean sexual. Anytime you hear of a place with a reputation for the "the most beautiful" anything, this should arouse suspicion. Here is a society based on appearance and superficial values. There is a lot of social and sexual baggage here.

I've met more cold/antisocial women in Stockholm than anywhere I've ever been. I've been outright stonewalled by girls. I can approach with warmth and affinity and in return I get no eye-contact, no acknowledgement of any kind. Yes, there are exceptions. But it seems to be a challenge finding them.

The beautiful women here know they are beautiful. They know the value of their looks. People here seem obsessed with conformity. This is one of the most socially uniform places on the planet. Swedes like to blend in. They like their social circles. They hesitate to let anyone new inside. There is no incentive for them to be warm and friendly. Affinity, even politeness, is not part of their cultural identity.

I think this accounts for most of the defensiveness. The extreme reservation comes from a fear of vulnerability. If you take a chance and open up, suddenly your whole life could change. It's not the gradual courtship you see in America. It's not the "let's have fun and see where things go" ambiguity of America.

Girls here screen hard right from the start. Allowing a social surrender leads to a seductive surrender, which leads to a sexual surrender, which women here put their whole heart into. The women who do take the chance fall hard into love. They play for keeps. It's either all or nothing. From the start. Total surrender or total blow-off.

Stockholm seems to be an asexual city. You don't see prostitutes, porno shops, or strip clubs. The city does not sell sex. Feminine distractions are minimal too. Alcohol is highly regulated and I've seen no evidence of hard drugs. It's not that sex and other "vices" are repressed -- Swedes just aren't that interested.

People recreate by going out in their cliques. They put a lot of effort into looking good. They smoke and laugh. They take both dancing and karaoke WAY too seriously. That's about it. Work hard, contribute to society, remain loyal to your loved ones, and BREED. I've met several women who have 5+ siblings. And many young women with kids of their own. Though marriage is not popular, monogamy (and cohabitation) is.

So there you go. Homogeneous, asexual, antisocial, and beautiful. Like I said, it's a challenge to connect. It's no wonder that there is a thriving "pick-up community" in Stockholm. If the culture were both more gregarious and promiscuous, the "community" could not attract students/followers.

One more thing. The nightlife here is a bullshit industry. They play both the appearance-value game and financial-value game. You line up and stand in the cold. You're picked to come in based on completely arbitrary reasons. But all this does is then permit you the opportunity to pay a $15-20 cover charge! Ridiculous. You could go broke really quickly with the clubs here.

See, selling booze is of secondary concern here. Alcohol is so expensive and Swedes don't go out to get drunk. They go out to see-and-be-seen, reconnect with friends, strengthen existing relationships, come in from the cold and dance. And I mean, seriously DANCE.

Did I mention that it is fucking cold? Lots of daylight and very little sunshine. I didn't really expect to go from Texan heat to Swedish coldness. There are warmer places where the people are also warmer. I'm sure of it. There are cheaper places where social and sexual connections are not such a challenge. I'll leave the Stockholm challenge for any masochist who wants to come. I'm personally looking for ease and delight elsewhere.

I keep hearing Prague and Berlin and of course the beaches of the Black Sea. On a boat to Riga, Latvia right now.