Sunday, June 20, 2010

Stockholm, Sweden

Just spent 10 days in Stockholm. What have I learned?

First of all -- yes -- there are many beautiful girls in Sweden. But that does not mean they are friendly, sociable, or down for whatever. Sexy does not mean sexual. Anytime you hear of a place with a reputation for the "the most beautiful" anything, this should arouse suspicion. Here is a society based on appearance and superficial values. There is a lot of social and sexual baggage here.

I've met more cold/antisocial women in Stockholm than anywhere I've ever been. I've been outright stonewalled by girls. I can approach with warmth and affinity and in return I get no eye-contact, no acknowledgement of any kind. Yes, there are exceptions. But it seems to be a challenge finding them.

The beautiful women here know they are beautiful. They know the value of their looks. People here seem obsessed with conformity. This is one of the most socially uniform places on the planet. Swedes like to blend in. They like their social circles. They hesitate to let anyone new inside. There is no incentive for them to be warm and friendly. Affinity, even politeness, is not part of their cultural identity.

I think this accounts for most of the defensiveness. The extreme reservation comes from a fear of vulnerability. If you take a chance and open up, suddenly your whole life could change. It's not the gradual courtship you see in America. It's not the "let's have fun and see where things go" ambiguity of America.

Girls here screen hard right from the start. Allowing a social surrender leads to a seductive surrender, which leads to a sexual surrender, which women here put their whole heart into. The women who do take the chance fall hard into love. They play for keeps. It's either all or nothing. From the start. Total surrender or total blow-off.

Stockholm seems to be an asexual city. You don't see prostitutes, porno shops, or strip clubs. The city does not sell sex. Feminine distractions are minimal too. Alcohol is highly regulated and I've seen no evidence of hard drugs. It's not that sex and other "vices" are repressed -- Swedes just aren't that interested.

People recreate by going out in their cliques. They put a lot of effort into looking good. They smoke and laugh. They take both dancing and karaoke WAY too seriously. That's about it. Work hard, contribute to society, remain loyal to your loved ones, and BREED. I've met several women who have 5+ siblings. And many young women with kids of their own. Though marriage is not popular, monogamy (and cohabitation) is.

So there you go. Homogeneous, asexual, antisocial, and beautiful. Like I said, it's a challenge to connect. It's no wonder that there is a thriving "pick-up community" in Stockholm. If the culture were both more gregarious and promiscuous, the "community" could not attract students/followers.

One more thing. The nightlife here is a bullshit industry. They play both the appearance-value game and financial-value game. You line up and stand in the cold. You're picked to come in based on completely arbitrary reasons. But all this does is then permit you the opportunity to pay a $15-20 cover charge! Ridiculous. You could go broke really quickly with the clubs here.

See, selling booze is of secondary concern here. Alcohol is so expensive and Swedes don't go out to get drunk. They go out to see-and-be-seen, reconnect with friends, strengthen existing relationships, come in from the cold and dance. And I mean, seriously DANCE.

Did I mention that it is fucking cold? Lots of daylight and very little sunshine. I didn't really expect to go from Texan heat to Swedish coldness. There are warmer places where the people are also warmer. I'm sure of it. There are cheaper places where social and sexual connections are not such a challenge. I'll leave the Stockholm challenge for any masochist who wants to come. I'm personally looking for ease and delight elsewhere.

I keep hearing Prague and Berlin and of course the beaches of the Black Sea. On a boat to Riga, Latvia right now.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think many Western European cities are like Stockholm. Notable exceptions are Berlin, Amsterdam, London and any Spanish holiday destination with foreign girls visiting.
Much better to focus on Eastern Europe in my opinion: Prague, Bucharest, Tallin, Warsaw and Krakow are good but my all time favourite in Europe is Kiev: Beautiful, easy going girls although they might not come home with you right away...

June 20, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I didn't find it like that at all! Other cities in Sweden, yes!

Latvia was tough work, amazing looking girls all wanting to date foreigners with money and connections! (But none of them smile)

June 20, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have way less trouble connecting in Riga. Check out Tallinn if you get a chance.

I have known a few Norwegian girls (I assume Scandinavian countries share similar cultures). You are correct about their approach to friendship and relationships. They do have a lot of sex though. But it feels asexual in some sense. Because these are one of the most egalitarian countries in the world, sexual polarity is not apparent.

June 20, 2010  
Blogger emilofglory said...

Interesting. I've been living in Sweden all of my life, and so far I've only heard from foreigners that it is EASY to meet girls in here. You are the first person to argue the opposite.

Why do you think most people say Sweden is so easy?

It seems I need to travel more. ;)

June 20, 2010  
Blogger Tom said...

It sometimes creeps into my mind that I'm living in a city where this is really easy - and I'm still not very good. I consider that if I moved to LA, New York, or apparently Stockholm, I would be socially impotent again. The thought is unnerving. Part of me feels like I might want to move to one of those places just to prove I could make it there, while another part reminds to just say to hell with those places, enjoy your life.

June 21, 2010  
Blogger GoneSavage said...

I talk all the time about how social does not mean sexual. Not by a long shot. It would be like saying the most talkative people are also the most horny. LOL.

When someone says a place is easy to MEET girls, that does not mean that this person has had sex with any of them. Probably not even close.

Girls here actually aren't that hard to MEET. Girls here will smile and open up with all that "indirect" stuff. Then you let your intentions be known(to hang out, get to know you, get your number, etc) and the whole vibe changes.

Not my style. I'm looking for the city that meets my style exactly. There are no extra points for meeting challenges. Ease and delight for the win.

June 21, 2010  
Anonymous TheRealMan said...

hei GoneSavage

come to Bucharest, and also the Black Sea

You'll have a different experience here. Here all the romanian girls get horny when they hear you talk other language.

I sometimes go out to meet girls and speak in english, and the difference is visible ;)

July 06, 2010  

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