No-Woman Diet, pt3
Most of my material stuff is gone. All four aquariums and their stands. All five bookshelves. My air purifier and floor lamps. It's quiet. No noise from aquarium filters and air pumps. Silence is masculine. Space is masculine. There is still a lot of clutter, but the space that has opened up already is symbolic of the ripening freedom that inhabits this moment.
Today I was awakened by the sound of chainsaws. They removed a huge limb of an oak tree -- the one right outside my door that used to lean onto the balcony. I'm not used to the space. It's unfamiliar. Yet, I sense new-found freedom. Openness. I feel less protected. Naked. Vulnerable.
The expectations of the guys organizing the group of us on the NWD are starting to come through. That's cool. There's a bit of condescension or guilt-trippyness about it all. I feel pressured to feel guilty about "giving in" and jerking off. Yet, I don't. Remember that this experience is about self-discovery not self-deprivation. Hey, I discovered that I had a three week limit. Three weeks behind; three weeks ahead.
I've been thinking about creativity. All the creativity that I put into sex and seduction. All the creativity that I put into my art and the design of the objects that I chose to surround myself. Creative delinquency. Creative intuition. Creative freedom.
I've realized that all creativity is a sublimation of sexual energy. Creativity is a transmutation of a biological drive. It seems as if I have always known this.
Creation is inherently physical. Sex is inherently creational (procreational or recreational). The desire to create music and art is derivative of the same continuum of energy. Both have everything to do with desire, ability, action, and movement. Creation is raw power. Sex is raw power.
The "wholeness mission" for this week is to take up a new practice. Learning a musical instrument, or taking a class are the examples. "Put stuff in your life that you enjoy." Let me riff on this.
There are a few things that I deeply know about myself. One is that I'm pretty selective about what I pay with my time and attention. After all, these are our only real resources. Second, I know that I am a lifetime learner. I value new experiences and seek novelty. All that said, I know -- with great clarity -- that there are certain things that I will never invest the time and energy in learning. Solid examples: 1) a musical instrument, 2) organized dance, and 3) a foreign language.
This is not to say that I don't have a profound respect and admiration for these things. It is also not to say that I won't pick-up (acquire) bits and pieces of these things in my life's journey. It is only a remark that I have zero interest in ever dedicating my time and attention to the disciplined focus of such pursuits.
So, back to the theme. I'm realizing that the No-Woman Diet is taking a very feminizing turn. We're basically substituting certain feminine energies for others. Don't take a woman on a date, take yourself on a date. Still feminine. Don't spend your time playing video games, spend your time playing the guitar. Still feminine.
We are still subverting sexual energy (kundalini). Instead of adopting a very dominate, purpose-driven masculine directive, we're still just playing around with feminine substitutes. Instead of transmuting the raw sexual power of the second chakra into success (however you chose to define it), we're still just playing around with pastimes and "feeling good."
I'm going to say what I feel at the core of my being, which seems to be a deeply-resonate truth: Why waste precious time and attention on substitutes?
Sexual expression is the bare-root essence. Sex creates life. Sex is a birthright. Sexual expression is how we connect with others. What greater form of self-expression is there? Sex is how we explore our senses and our environments. What greater form of spiritual liberation is there? Sex is living in the moment, dropping our physical boundaries, and exploring an interpersonal altered state all at once.
Sex is a gift!
Musical expression -- as an example -- is a substitute. Forget the male-female polarity, it is simply a substitute for raw creative-sexual power. Guys take up musical instruments to either get girls or because they can't get girls. One is a seduction technique and one is a delusional substitute. You can excoriate me and say "But I play this guitar as an expression, not a means to impress." And I'd respectfully say: "Bullshit." Delusions are useful. Music is a gift, yes. Fucking is a gift too.
I'm not dissing the program. Just pointing out my observations, so far. The lesson seems to be: Take up a feminine art, now, recognize that it is just a creative substitute. It is derivative of sexual energy, but not an expression of the real thing. This is helping you recognize your masculine essence by consciously creating the feminine polarity. Or at least a version of it.
That's cool. I'm on board. However, I fully expect that the next "wholeness mission" will be to go get a manicure. :)