Monday, May 17, 2010

The Stroke

So, after 3+ weeks without orgasm, ejaculation, or even a memorable erection, I was starting to get worried. A few days ago, I decided to look at a single porn clip. It was a test to make sure that I could still get aroused. I was starting to fear impotence or somesuch. Like I said, it was just a test -- I wasn't even feeling that horny.

Man, that clip was hot! I'd never been so fascinated, so enthralled by a single sex act. Porn clearly has a desensitizing effect. How often do we jump from scene to scene, fantasy to fantasy, looking for just the right contrived mental stimulation to get off? Yet this self-imposed depravity allowed this one single scene to be so deliciously hot. Make no mistake, I was hard. Throbbing hard. I kinda studied my cock -- admired it really -- for it had been so long since giving it any real attention. Then I shut off the porn and put my dick away.

The spell had been broken. The next day, this porno was all that I could think about. It seemed like I was aroused all day just remembering the simple beauty of penetration. It was just a basic scene. Slow and sensual. Vanilla really. But it seemed like ever cell in my body was captivated. That night I looked at the same clip again, as I admired my cock, appreciating all the pleasure that it has brought me -- and my lovers -- throughout life. Then, once again, I shut off the porn and put my dick away.

The third day was filled with intense lust. Just about every woman who crossed my path was subject to an brief, passionate physical connection -- though only in my head. That night I watched the porno again. I stroked my cock noticing the subtleties and nuance of sensation. Every molecule felt ignited with electricity. I knew I would let it happen this time, so I pushed the pleasure to the brink. Drawing it out, such a tantalizing delay. Then I came. The pure volume was ridiculous. A load that huge deserved a facial. I imagined the sense of pride and honor that so many women would have had if allowed to coax that much cum out of me. It is a shame that no one was there to receive this copious gift. Alas, I did it myself. To myself. With only myself. And that was that.

I broke the diet. I can't really feel shameful about this. I must have a three week limit. Now I have three more weeks to let it build up again for a sexy Swedish recipient.

But here's the ultimate observation. Masturbation is a release mechanism. It relieves horniness and tension. The horniness from desire/lust/porn was gone. I could relax. But so was the focus and determination that I had before I looked at the porn the first time. That focus was useful. Transmutation of sexual energy is real. Now, I am not as horny as before -- nor am I worried about impotence -- but I am also not as focused in general. More distracted from the present clarity of intent.

So, we have an assignment this week: "Take yourself on a date."

Does the above count? The way I see it, I even waited until the third date to make sure I wouldn't judge myself as being too easy. I've got to protect my reputation, you know.


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