No-Woman Diet pt2
First of all. My dick is shrinking. I'm sure of it. This is kind of a big deal. It just hangs there all shriveled and unloved. It feels so useless, so out-of-service. "Have I been fired? Look at all these women, why won't you let me make them happy?" it begs. If that's not enough, I have also not been having spontaneous erections. No morning wood. No hard cock on command. Desire is still there, but arousal is gone. Perhaps I should look into supplements.
I went to a show tonight. First all month. Remember that music is a feminine substitute. In this environment, I found a new appreciation for the women surrounding me. I was really in tune with the energy being projected. I could tell exactly who was down to fuck. Who liked to be dominated. Who was a good lover. Man, I really really wanted to initiate contact. To combine energy, to get as close as possible. It was like intuition without instinct. Being hyper-sexual is more about instinct. Going for what you want and not apologizing for basic human desire. Frequent fucking can actually have a numbing effect on intuition. Heiarchy of needs, right? At any rate, it was interesting to step back and dissociate for a change.
I've been feeling the stress of moving. Giving things up, getting over the emotional attachments to possession, etc. It takes a lot of coordination -- a full-time job really. Selling at the flea market last weekend was draining emotionally and physically.
I broke my diet pretty hardcore yesterday. Fried chicken tenders and fries. That's bad shit. I can still say that I have not had pasta or straight-up bread in three months. To make up for this, today I just ate fruit and nuts. Six bananas, a grapefruit, an orange, a lemon and a lime. What I did was freeze the bananas, then dip them in the mixed citrus juice and let that freeze around them. I gotta say, it was really good and I feel fine. I'm eating some sunflower seeds now. In Georgia, we call them Spitz.
I read an article by Emily Troscianko. She's famous for being anorexic. I gotta say, her article was inspiring. I doubt this was the intention. Anyway, this "hunger artist" talks about the discipline, self-control, and power that anorexia requires. I mean, she's not stupid. She knew she was super thin. She was getting a high from being hungry. It's not a delusion. It's all about control. "Control equals strength, strength equals denial, denial equals simplicity, simplicity equals purity, purity equals perfection, perfection equals perfect control."
Fat people have no control. It's one thing to get healthy, but I'm really wondering, would I ever have the discipline to be anorexic? I don't think so. I might try to go like three days without eating. Think I could do it? Let's make a wager. But I'll tell you this: If my dick continues to shrink, all bets are off.