Thursday, June 18, 2009

Truth About Phone Numbers

I hear this from guys all the time:

"I'm at the stage now where I can get girls' phone numbers. Now if I could only get them to return my calls or respond to my texts...."

And then I have to tell them the truth.

A phone number is a punctuation mark. Nothing more. Sometimes it's a question mark. Sometimes it's an ellipse...

But most of the time, it's a PERIOD.

That's it. That's all you get. Game over.

My point is.... if you think getting a girl's phone number is some kind of special 'result' or achievement, then you likely haven't declared your full intention.

You are not solidly on one of the two paths.

So be clear of what it is you're looking for and dedicate yourself to one of the two empowering paths. I invite you to either choose a path seeking your ideal long-term lover. Or choose a path seeking mutually satisfying short-term erotic encounters.

Sure, you'll exchange numbers sometimes, but just don't confuse getting the phone number as some sort of 'stage' or 'process' that you have to get good at before you give yourself permission go for what you really want.

The number is just an invitation to use technology to continue your connection. Never see it as an end in itself.

I'll tell you the equivalent for a bright, beautiful, high self-esteem woman on a path to connect and share commitment with her life partner. It's this...

Getting a marriage proposal from anyone who is not destined to be the man in this role. The proposal is just a period. It is not to be mistaken as some sort of 'stage' indicating her development. It's not indicative of anything because it is not the realization of the intention she's set.

Always remember your path. Visualize it. Step into it. Feel it. Intensely, vividly imagine the emotions you would have if it all were true right now.

And don't get sidetracked glorifying anything that is not the full realization of your intention.



Anonymous Adonis said...

I've always kinda hated talking on the phone and I can thank this minor "phobia" for getting me good at getting the girl home instead. I didn't want to talk on the phone to her so in order to avoid that, I just developed a way to get her home WITHOUT the formality of getting her number.

Try it sometime. Go out with a mission to NOT get any may be surprised how much more often you actually get laid as a result!

June 18, 2009  
Blogger Erika said...

You know I disagree about this one ..

Also, at a fundamental level, I disagree about not taking note of these "results."

When we notice improvements (for example, that the quality of men propositioning me is going up hugely), we are helping to accelerate the manifestation of our fullest desires. Taking note of milestones is hugely important for retraining the subconscious mind.

June 20, 2009  
Blogger GoneSavage said...

So true! Taking a number is *almost* always a non-result. She is putting you on a path to become a platonic friend, a boyfriend, or she's just being polite and has no intention of ever talking to you.

NONE of those options is congruent to your intention if you are out for casual sex. "Time bridge" and "future projection" are always LTR frames. Using LTR frames to share casual sex is manipulative, but guys don't usually realize this.

There is a big difference between taking note of personal progress (and adjusting trajectory) and becoming results-obsessed. Too many guys see 'getting numbers' as a necessary step to becoming casual sex material. Not the case. They get confused and stuck on this plateau without even realizing that it's a plateau unrelated to the terrain they are trying to explore. They are lost, but because they have some kind of 'result' -- all these stale phone numbers -- they can't survey the terrain. It's a 'can't see the forest for the trees' scenario.

June 20, 2009  
Blogger Erika said...


Yeah yeah, I hear you.

I also want to add that this is not just for casual sex territory.

I look back on guys who took a phone number, and how rarely that ever turned into something. Why? They didn't build enough momentum with me for us to have something to build on the next day or the next week.

Whereas, two years ago I met a guy (Matrix Guy on my blog) who kissed me within five minutes of meeting me, and who insisted on coming along when my friends and I went to the next venue. Then he set up plans to see me the very next night. We had momentum then, and it wasn't casual sex momentum. It was the basis for a strong relationship that has gone back and forth between romance and friendship.

If he had just met me and "taken my number" it most likely would not have gone anywhere.

June 21, 2009  
Anonymous Crazy Cloud said...

The phone number is just a vehicle. If you leave the vehicle empty, it's useless.

But if you put a connection inside it, and use it to carry the connection forward, then it has value.

That's one thing I like about Zan's prescribed method for handling numbers: to immediately say "I'm going to call you Monday at 7 - wait by the phone!"

It's a subtle thing, but I think designating a specific time demonstrates a commitment to continuing the connection. It exhibits a mindset that doesn't view the phone number as a result, that won't high-five his friends when he rejoins him with the "precious" number.

Because he knows the number isn't precious at all. The number has no value. The connection, and its continuation, is what has value.

I'm sure he also regards number-taking as a last resort, but if one must take a number, I like that way of doing it.

June 23, 2009  
Blogger Miss Mercedes said...

Not sure I agree with everything you say here but I certainly agree with the phone number not meaning anything.

I have a friend who works for a radio station. A LONG time ago, I agreed to play a game for them. The idea was, I would hand out business cards to men who had the courage to ask for my number. I was allowed to be as selective as I wanted and played this "game" with only those men I thought might benefit from the result. I chose the cocky ones (God! It's such a turnoff for me and even though I sort of regret doing all of least I know I only did it to a bunch of conceited assholes). Anyway...I would hand out a business card with "my number" on it (all calls went to voicemail) and they would call...and call...and call...and call. And...the messages were played on the radio for all to hear. Of course we didn't explain how far apart the messages were, etc, we simply compiled them and made the men look like pathetic stalkers. (Umm...we bleeped out the last names...does that make it better??).

Okay...yes...I know how incredibly mean that was and, as I said, I regret playing along. But the point is, I gave a phone number to these men KNOWING I was not going to ever speak to them (and yes...KNOWING the entire city was very soon going to be making fun of them...). The number meant nothing.

For what it's worth, my number means a lot more to me now...I just don't give it out anymore. ;-)

June 24, 2009  

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