Friday, June 19, 2009

Polarize Your Game Response

Erika, thanks for dissecting this and relating it all back to expectations management.

Dan, thanks for the Steve Pavlina link...

I had no idea anyone else was using the concept of polarity in any context. To me, it's about commitment, conscious choice, personal empowerment, congruence, and leading by clear intent.

What Pavlina is talking about polarizing did not really resonate with me (serving the greater good vs serving yourself). In my teachings I talk about having a "refined selfishness" where you recognize that when you serve the greater good you are also serving yourself because it makes you happy. I don't see a reason to polarize this as light and dark when its so easy to just recognize refined selfishness or enlightened self interest.

But everything game-related should be polarized if you want to come anywhere near mastery on either path.

I like these three lines by Pavlina:

--"The decision to polarize is a decision you make with every fiber of your being."

--"The reason to polarize is because you’re ready to make a conscious commitment to a certain type of life."

--"Polarization bestows a new level of intensity, drive, and motivation."

Now you say:

"The one difficulty I can see is for guys that aren't sure what they want. Or guys who are comfortable with casual sex but want a relationship mostly."

Well, you're not going to get what you want until you decide what you want. The point of my post is to force a decision out of you -- critical if you are hiring me as a 'coach' -- so we can stop this vacillating and I can show you specifically what's powerful and unique to that choice.

Of course you are free to choose not to choose. You are free to play some path in the middle.

But this just screams fear of commitment. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Etcetera.

Pavlina said this well:

"Mastery is a process, not a position. Mastery is when you turn a desire into an absolute must..... in either case, a conscious decision is made to devote one’s time, energy, resources, and talents to the chosen role with a high degree of intensity. That intensity of focus is perhaps what most distinguishes someone who has polarized."

"And also, doesn't this remove spontaneity from the universe's plans for you?"

Not at all. Be playfully spontaneous on your chosen path. Be novel and original in how you go about attaining mastery in either pole.

Similarly, you can still have fun and make new platonic friends. Just know your overriding intention. State it honestly, and pursue it intensely.

"I know guys 'on the prowl' who picked up a one night stand and it turned into their soul mate."

Well, that is not a one night stand, by definition. But I know what you mean. Path #2 would not preclude this possibility, just like path #1 would not preclude sleeping together on the same day you met.

"Also, while GoneSavage is on the lookout for The One, I doubt he's kicking girls out of his bed who want casual sex."

You are correct. Until 'The One' presents herself and acknowledges mutual pursuit, a desire for commitment, and clear intention to share purpose in life, my bed is wide open.

If you've attained a black belt in karate, and now your on a path of mastering jujitsu, does that mean you can no longer practice karate?

To expand that metaphor... The one who will master jujitsu with me (shared life purpose, raising children, emotional commitment, long term bonding, etc) will still practice karate with me (casual protected sex with peripheral partners).

One final thought:

This whole concept came to me because I saw too many community guys dicking around in field, playing game half-throttle (well really like 10%), without commitment to anything, and no idea what they wanted their lives to look like. They come to me and say "I don't know what I want." Well, I certainly can't help you get what you want if you don't know what you want. This ambiguity, indecision, and inaction is so unattractive.

So, I think I said this before, I had to get this in writing as a starting point for clients. I have a really good perspective from which to guide you once you've declared one of these intentions.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really like when you talk about the two paths because of what you mentioned above about people going out in field and not knowing what they want, but in my mind I've always taken issue with the idea that they are mutually exclusive, so it's nice to read this clarification of the point from you.

I think of myself as being for the most part on path 1, but very early on in the interaction there is still an option to switch over to path 2 based on the girl. I have a very specific list of qualities that are important to me in a long term relationship, and I'll screen for them early. Most women will be quickly ruled out of LTR potential, and as a result I'll quickly hop paths within the first few minutes of the interaction.

For example, I might get numbers from 4 girls in a night, two of them early on in the night, then one from a LTR material girl who I spend two hours talking to, and the final one from a girl who I try to pull at the end of the night but fuck up the logistics. In that situation, I'll text the first two numbers trying to rendezvous with them for sex, while I'll wait to call the LTR girl the next day. The important thing is that I've polarized each of the women into one category or the other very early on, and I'm able to fluidly transition between the two as with your karate analogy.

July 24, 2009  
Blogger Miss Mercedes said...

"Well, I certainly can't help you get what you want if you don't know what you want. This ambiguity, indecision, and inaction is so unattractive."

You said it all right there...

July 24, 2009  

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