The Foreplay Gourmet
--Because so many men fake foreplay.
What is an AFC's idea of foreplay?
--A half hour of begging.
What is a PUA's idea of foreplay?
--A half hour of LMR-busting tactics.
Before I ever became known as 'savage' in the seduction community, I was named the Foreplay Gourmet by my second long-term girlfriend. Rightfully, my first girlfriend recognized that foreplay was more like my way of being than a means to an end, but she was too busy having powerful orgasms to come up with cute nicknames.
So, the question is:
Can you tell if people are going to be good lovers before you sleep with them?
And the longer you wait to penetrate -- engaging in social intercourse and foreplay -- the more likely it is that you're intuition is going to be right.
It's amusing that community guys want to argue with this.
The whole reason we teach you empowering communication techniques is so you can come across as a confident and competent lover. She can tell.
It's the way you move, the way you carry yourself, your eye contact, and especially the way you touch her. It's the way you use language, the way you flirt, the way you convey your identity, and the way you set intentions and expectations.
She's got a pretty good guess before there's any real outercourse (like making out or heavy petting). She's got a pretty good idea before you even kiss her. In fact, in a good romance, the kiss is the most telling surrender. The intensity of that first kiss just cements the fact that one day we'll make love.
Now, to be completely honest... I can also tell if you'd make a good lover just by watching how you interact with women... and I certainly don't have to - or want to - kiss you.
It's obvious to me... I can feel it in my body. At my level of experience and awareness, I can always tell if a woman is going to be good in bed (or in the car, under the bridge, on the park bench, etc) before my cock ends up inside her.
I'll also tell you this....
The times that I have been disappointed by a woman's sexual performance are the times that I either a) rushed things or b) eroticized the conquest more than the actual connection with that individual girl or c) both.
The community emphasises both of these things.
Get the girl as soon as possible. I don't have a problem with this as long as hooking up quickly is clearly a mutual desire. What better way to test for chemistry than to just fuck.
But, even if the sex was great, you've still lost most -- if not all -- of the intrigue; the sexual tension.
Sexual tension has been defined as "the presence of a controlled aroused state, in the absence of overt sexual interest."
Well, as soon as you fuck, the aroused state is no longer controlled and the sexual interest is quite overt. You both have to come to terms with what it means and if the expectations are really aligned. Hopefully, it was mutually satisfying, you'll hook up again, and sex will get even better.
But it's the second thing that the community emphasises that is much more insidious. This idea that it's all about results; devoid of compassion and real connection. You should only focus on your 'game' -- the 'pick up' process -- because all that matters is 'scoring.' It's all seen as a means to an end. And what's really treacherous about this idea is that most guys haven't even decided what that end is.
Having sex quickly and damn-near anonymously is not enough. What really counts is bragging about it and writing 'lay reports.' So many community guys are far more compelled by the attention and validation of other men than actually having sex with women.
Sure, I've written about plenty of my sexual escapades and shared them with the community, but hopefully you can sense that it was always about connecting and sharing something with the women involved, rather than an eagerness to share with some underground society.
Now, I'm trying to relate this all back to the idea of foreplay.
Intimacy begins with communication. Foreplay begins with the first look, the first words, the first touch. You are exploring each other's emotions through mental stimulation and body sensations. To lower defenses, you must awaken senses.
What is the most important sex organ?
I'll give you a clue, it's between your ears, not your thighs. Sex always begins in the mind. Mental seduction involves compassionate understanding and a sense that you are already sharing something beautiful without genital contact.
I always know a woman is going to be a good lover when I invest in turning on her mental imagery. I know that sex will just be a way of continuing and intensifying a connection that is already flourishing.
Although sex is a very subjective experience, sometimes I feel a connection that is distinct. I sense her trust, enthusiasm and passion. I feel her desire to connect on all levels -- mind, heart and body. That's all I need.
I know I can lead and handle the rest. I know I will make the sex amazing. My secret to incredible sex in my confidence in my own sexual ability. It’s one thing to love sex. But it’s another thing to know that I'm really good at it.
Maybe this sounds arrogant, but I feel entitled to enticing and exciting sex.
I desire it, and I deserve it.
And I attract partners who feel the same.
More specific foreplay tips in upcoming posts...