Saturday, April 17, 2010

Physical - Social - Mental

There are three domains of life: The physical, the social, and the mental.

"Health - Wealth - Relationship" is almost there; but it is more specific than it needs to be. I want to paint with the broadest strokes possible first, and fill in details later.

I think we find the community not just because we are 'bad' with women. This is a symptom of a greater issue. That greater issue is that there is an imbalance with the three domains.

Most guys that find the community are intellectuals. We do things for work and leisure that are mind-intensive.

Do you realize how rare it is for a construction worker, or a plumber, or any guy with a hands-on type physical vocation to find the community?

Engineers, yes. Laborers, no.

Even within the community, you are likely to just become more mentally driven. Reading, writing (FRs), studying, dissecting theories, consuming products.

Or perhaps you become hyper-social. Going out constantly, becoming the approach machine, the dating machine, or even the sex machine.

But there is still imbalance.

I've shared a lot of experience relating to distinctions between being social and being seductive. I talk a lot about the opportunity and exposure aspects of game (social) VS the skillset and escalation aspects of game (seduction). But for now, understand that being seductive is always being social, but being social is not always seductive. Being social is rarely seductive -- but even seduction requires interacting with another person. You can't seduce yourself. (Maybe you can, but that is all mental and I don't really want to think about it.)

Being seductive is a sub-domain of being social (and mental). Being sexual is a sub-domain of being social (and physical).

Back to the imbalance.

The only physical exercise I have gotten in the past few years is walking around (doing approaches) and fucking.

Huge imbalance.

I've started running recently -- and I hate it -- but it's helping me put things in perspective.
(This also stems from a talk with DJ Fuji where he told me that he takes his students running. Holy shit. The most simplistic things really are the most profound.)

Trying to find a balance.

For most of us, the physical and the social take huge amounts of discipline. They require effort. It's worth it because these are the things that put us in touch with our bodies. Our senses. And our environments. This is noticing and experiencing, rather than thinking.

Most women -- at least superficially -- are far more balanced. They enjoy the physical and the social more. They relish sensory rich experiences and sensate awareness. They generally put less attention and effort into book smarts and academics.

Most men are caught in their minds. And caught in the trappings of power/status/value. We're trained this way from school, groomed into the working world, and remain here feeling stifled and repressed. The institutions of school and work will continue to promote this imbalance until we die stress-related deaths.

The only time I have ever felt balanced -- and not conincidentally, the only time I ever felt truly happy -- was when I was doing no conventional 'work' and was actually homeless.

For nearly four years I had no permanent address. I had a vehicle. And just a few possessions.

I'd travel around in my van. I'd spend my days on lengthy hikes, taking photos of things I noticed (physical). I'd spend my nights talking to and hooking up with women (social). I'd sometimes take time to write or read (mental).

When I settled in Austin, things got really out of balance. For awhile, I was hyper-social. New city, new women, new opportunity. Then I became hyper-mental. This always comes with the flawed belief that we need to maintain a certain self image. Attachment to any belief is mental. (Detrimental.)

Anyway, physically, I let myself go. By last winter I was up to the same weight that I carried in high school. 50 pounds overweight. Sounds insane to most people who are more balanced.

I guess I needed to sadistically prove to myself that I could still get girls at that weight. Now that I had skill or different attititude or whatever. And I did. Yippie.

Moving on: Balance.

I could go hardcore with physical challenge and lose a bunch of weight. Just like a community guy could go hardcore with social bootcamps and such. The result is usually further imbalance and burnout.

I'm much more interested in a holistic approach to lifestyle and seduction.

You hear things like... "for every hour you spend reading/studying you should spend an hour in field." This is good. But you also need an hour of physical activity.

This is what I think is reasonable: Each day, put two or three hours toward concentrated physical activity, and two or three hours toward concentrated social activity. The rest of the time (especially with mind-intensive jobs) will account for mental/intellectual activity.

Physical -- exercise, yoga, running/walking, playing sports, dancing

Social -- cold approaches, any level of dating, socializing, seducing

Mental -- reading, writing, studying, watching movies, mind maps

Ideally, there will be some crossover. Taking a class is usually two domains. Travel usually involves all three. I think most of us would find more meaning in work, if we created a way for it to involve all three. I think most of us would enjoy dating more, if we created a way for it to involve all three.

So that's what I'm looking at now. The challenge of balance. Well-being. Staying fit and humble and happy.

The attitude of "OMG! Potential sex-opportunity, I have to go for it all the time!" is not the healthiest direction for anyone.

Moralizing, righteous indignation, and mental mastubation in the name of maintaining a certain image-of-self aren't good for us either.

Balance. Being. Doing. Sharing. Challenging and inspiring each other in all three domains. We're all works in progress, but what would happen if we put our collective time, energy, and effort here?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

finally, you're making sense.

April 17, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot spiritual dimension - meditation, "prayer", etc. This is the most hidden dimension. Other three can open doors to it, especially sex.

April 18, 2010  

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