Tuesday, September 22, 2009

How to Pick-Up Drunk Girls*

*Just kidding!

We would never hook-up with drunk girls!

This article is really called:

"How to Meet-Up with a Young Lady after you get her Phone Number in the Nightlife Scene."

Let's begin.

So there's basically three angles to meeting people downtown in the Nightlife Scene.

I'll call them Same Night Love, Social Circle Squaredance, and Normal Guy (Deluxe*).

The way the community puts a lot of emphasis on Same Night Love is just creepy!

Imagine people that have just met that very night having sex in public restrooms, public parks, parking garages, stairwells, rooftops, under bridges, parked vehicles, moving vehicles, and of course "my place" and "your place."

Eeek! Gross!

This is what you can look forward to:

--dealing with the effects of alcohol and other distractions
--the necessity of developing some kind of "skillset" that involves isolation, escalation, calibration, dealing with cockblocks and logistics. (All this stuff that should have nothing to do with getting to know someone.)
--girls you don't really like, that don't really like you!
--really, really bad, sloppy one-time sex!

Social Circle Squaredance is a little different.

Here you're probably just going out to "have fun" and "see what happens" preferring not to actually declare things like "I want to have sex with 100s of women." You'd probably go for Same Night Love if you had the confidence and were over bad social programming. "If it happens it happens; no big deal if it doesn't" is your motto.

Your hook-ups revolve around repeated exposure and opportunity. "Going downtown" becomes your lifestyle and you end up running into the same chicks. You're kinda square, she's kinda square. You both are doing this "we keep running into each other!" little dance. The nightlife scene IS your social circle. Like attracts like. You hookup.

It's not like pulling a girl you just met. But it's not exactly like dating either. It's predicated on nightlife being your choice of lifestyle, and the powerful dynamics of exposure and opportunity.

Your hookups are arguably better "quality" than the SNL guy, but your "quantity" will be FAR less. Plus your degree of effort is WAY higher, since this is your lifestyle.

Allow me to suggest that there is another way.

Bear with me, as this might seem a little bit traditional at first glance.

Let's say you don't mind going downtown once in awhile, even if it is just to bar-hop and socialize. You certainly don't want to make it your lifestyle. When you are downtown, you probably have this nagging feeling that there are a hundred other better things you could be doing with your time. Yet, look at all this sexual/social opportunity!

Think about it this way. We all have three inner forces, often at odds with one another.

--Your body wants to do what feels good.
--Your ego wants to do what looks good.
--And your conscience wants to do what IS GOOD; what is best in the long-run, and what is best for all parties involved.

The SNL guy is about satiating bodily cravings and sexual appetites. The Social Circle guy is all about ego, image, and lifestyle.

What about you?

Suppose these are some of your ideals:

--sex is great, but there are other important aspects of life
--socializing is great, but there are other important aspects of life
--I want to minimize my effort and maximize my return on investment
--I don't mind delaying gratification if it means a bigger better deal later
--I really don't want to deal with girls that are drunk or otherwise intoxicated

You follow me?

Introducing the Normal Guy Game (Deluxe*) Strategy for Meeting-Up with a Young Lady after you get her Phone Number in the Nightlife Scene...

So, go out and chat with a woman. Concern yourself less with displaying your value and isolation, escalation, calibration, logistics and all that crap.

Concern yourself more with displaying your curiosity and getting to know her.

Get her number. "Hey, let me get your number," is a pretty good bet.

Pretty normal so far.

Now you go home and you have a number. Perhaps, you even have several numbers.

No big deal.

I say this all the time:

A phone number is a punctuation mark.

Nothing more. Sometimes it's a question mark. Sometimes it's an ellipse...

But most of the time, it's a PERIOD.

That's it. That's all you get. Game over.

My point is: If you think getting a girl's phone number is some kind of special 'result' or achievement in-and-of itself, then you are woefully missing the mark.

I also say this all the time:

Sleep is the great eraser.

This means that by morning, you are just another dude she met downtown. Often, no matter how strong the connection seemed or how distinct you think you came across, you are just another guy that she gave her number to; a guy she barely remembers by morning.

These dynamics apply to Normal Guys.

But this is Deluxe* for a reason. Because with a series of power moves you can change this dynamic and have a definitive statistical advantage in continuing the encounter.

*An advanced, practical, psychologically-based system that dramatically increases the odds of continuing the connection.

Check it out.

The first power move is:

Get Your NAME into her phone.

Don't just "get her number" but make sure she has yours too, stored with your name. First and last name is awesome.

Dial her number and give her time to store your name, or have her hand you her phone and type in your number and name.

If you are pressed for time, as you often are, I'd spend more time ensuring that she has my name in there than I would on screening, connecting or any of that other stuff. This is to increase recognition and recall when you start communicating by phone.

Once this is accomplished, you can simply say. "It was great meeting you. I have to get back to my friends. We'll be in touch." Don't worry about continuing the interaction or setting up a date or anything else, getting your number and name into her phone is the most important thing you can do on the first meet.

The second power move is this:

Send her a text THE SAME NIGHT.

Remember, sleep is the great eraser. Talk all you want, but only communications with a written record are going to survive until the morning.

The best text has something to do with callback, perception, and her.

"Jen, its rare to meet a girl downtown who is both sexy AND intelligent. I like that."

"Jen, I appreciate the fact that you're a good dancer, AND into comic books. Nice."

Something like that. Be as specific and use as much recall as you can.

Remember that confidence and interest are inversely proportional. This is statement of confidence more than a gauge of interest. Notice what I am not doing: I am not making an invitation. I am not asking a question. I am not giving her a call to action. I am not seeking a response at all.

If you DO get a response that night, even as simple as "thank you," you are well on your way.

Here is something else to keep in mind with texting. ANY response is a 'green light.' The only 'red light' is no response. If she has decided to send you a 'fuck off' signal, she will simply stop responding.

Now, at MOST, I send two texts same-night. The second is just as powerful.

"Jen, text me and let me know you made it in safely. My parents raised me to be a gentleman... ;-)"

*change 'you' to 'you two' or 'you guys' to account for her group.

*add 'and I should have walked you to your car' when it seems appropriate.

Man, this is strong. It is high confidence with a specific (low effort) call-to-action (gauge of interest). When I get a "I didn't read this until I got up. We made it in just fine. Thanks for asking" type response, I know it is all smooth sailing from there.

The third power move:

Use Texting to Strategically Strengthen the Connection

Guys have this aversion to taking numbers at night partially because of the tendencies I mentioned above (sleep is the great eraser, the number is often thought to be a dead end). It's partially because of the anxiety that remote communication, sober, in the daylight can produce. And partially because of this idea of "I got her number, but I don't think I had time to make it solid."

If SNL Guy taught you anything, is that time does not have to be a factor.

Guys learn about these great ideas like screening and qualifying, and they think they have to do these things before they get her number. Then there's this 'time-bridge' and then you just pick up where you left off. Right?

The prevailing ideas seem to be: I will take it as far as I can on first meet. I will get a number only if I have to because of 'bad' logistics. I will text/call her if I feel the number was 'solid.'

There is also this notion that texting is only for inviting her out and not for strategically strengthening the connection.

So, my idea here is a reality shift: On the first meet, take it only as far as getting her number and getting your name in her phone. Intentionally go for phone numbers. Then, make them 'solid' with confident communication.

What I am suggesting is using the medium of texting for explicit qualification and implicit framing before you make any invites. This becomes an interplay of confidence and interest (sometimes called push-pull).

"The more interested we are in something or someone, the more consumed and concerned we will be with our ability to obtain the object of our interest. Our perspective narrows, and we become hyper-focused. We observe interest through the lens of confidence, and vice-versa" -Lieberman

That's what I'm doing with texting: I am observing interest. What I want is for her to be hyper-focused and displaying interest in me. (Sober, discerning, next-day, remote interest, I might specify.)

This is big leap of understanding from the community ideas of the 'alpha male' SNL caveman and the Social Circle opportunist that prey on drunk girls.

Specific examples with follow.

I will then explain how I keep effort low and mood high.

And have a close rate higher than I ever did with SNL intent.

And having remarkable, repeat-performance-worthy sex with completely sober girls.

Stay tuned.

10 Comments:

Blogger Miss Mercedes said...

This is good stuff. If the motivation is good and the integrity is there, this sounds like a wonderful way to get to know someone and to begin to see if a connection can/does exist.

I personally know a lot of guys who would jump on this advice but the mindset would be an ultimate goal of sleeping with her...not getting to know her and seeing what happens.

If the motivation is to get her to talk to you so you can sleep with her...then you just as well go for it and get the SNL. But...if the motivation, as you seem to be describing here, is to get to know someone after the alcohol has worn off and maybe (just maybe) end up makeing love to them...then yeah...this is good stuff. It opens communication in a no pressure way...it allows you to safely get a feel for her interest level and it creates an environment where even a potential connection can be explored.

I like it!

September 23, 2009  
Blogger SMoKeLioN said...

I find myself switching gears a lot of the time.

Sure I can go into snl-whore mode when I need to pop open my cock holster to unleash a round or two.

But on the other hand, its pretty common that the girls who are ready to go that very night are not the girls I particularly like very much. Translation: I have standards and if a girl annoys me, I wont be around her.

Furthermore, its pretty common that the girls I do end up liking a lot have things like logistical barriers or even social conventions that prevent us from getting together right away. So what though. For me thats where dates come in.

For everything you wrote GS, it makes sense. So often girls are kept in the dark by guys and left guessing as to whats happening. And from that guessing, insecurities and doubt comes into play, and it can spoil what would have been. The way I interpretted your txts was that you basically re-assure the girl that you like her and are interested in her. People tend to like others who like them. I think if people arent sending quick follow up "I like you txts" they are kind of fucking up a bit.





"then you just as well go for it and get the SNL"

For most people, until they find their "snl niche", this is way easier said than done.

September 24, 2009  
Anonymous DBD said...

GoneSavage bro this is Anonymous and bro im just totally fucked up in my life bro, I went vagranting it up in my city bro and I saw all these sketch people who smoke crack and shoot heroine and bro... its fucked up. I think I have problems with my life and I need to get my head checked or something because I cant seem to get laid lately. Sticking to the script I guess you could say that I have so many hot girls getting horny around me, like If I could just reach out through the wall and fuck them right where they stand. I Feel like a sexaholic, I walk around all day long goggling chicks and imagining how I could seriously fuck them. Like fuck them hard. So fucking hard man. GS Dating I know what the fuck to do because Im just a crusty punk and im a bit fucke dup in the head and shit. Truth be told bro. But I am still fresh.... and you know, sort me out. MTL. Yoooooo, what brings me to your blog is just STRESS and I remember meeting you when you were in Montreal at the Tam Tams and you changed my mind about whats possible and shit with the magic string pull trick you do but when I do it. IT NEVER WORKS.

Be well

Dragon Butter Dave

September 24, 2009  
Blogger Miss Mercedes said...

"then you just as well go for it and get the SNL"

For most people, until they find their "snl niche", this is way easier said than done.


I agree...if there are standards.

But night after night, I see men lower standards, low self-esteem women be grateful for the attention and hookups and heartbreaks happening all over the city.

The girls tend to get prettier, lonlier and hornier at closing time.

September 24, 2009  
Anonymous DBD said...

IM MESSED UP.

September 24, 2009  
Blogger Scrumpulicious said...

If a guy sends me follow up texts asking me if I got home ok - I'm usually putty in his hands!

September 29, 2009  
Blogger SMoKeLioN said...

"But night after night, I see men lower standards, low self-esteem women be grateful for the attention and hookups and heartbreaks happening all over the city.

The girls tend to get prettier, lonlier and hornier at closing time."


Yeah it definitely goes both ways. Its like, always figure that if a girl is out past 1:30 am, she isnt there by chance. She wants sex. And if shes there at 3:00 am when the places shut down, she knows she wants it too.

I dont think random hookups break hearts. I think the people break their own hearts by putting themselves in scenarios to be continually unsatisified and left wanting something they might not even be ready to get.

September 29, 2009  
Blogger Erika said...

GS, I do like when guys text the same night. Very helpful for strengthening the connection. Most guys are way too shy about doing things to strengthen the connection.

September 29, 2009  
Blogger Miss Mercedes said...

"Yeah it definitely goes both ways. Its like, always figure that if a girl is out past 1:30 am, she isnt there by chance. She wants sex. And if shes there at 3:00 am when the places shut down, she knows she wants it too."

Yup...and generally her self-esteem sucks as well. Women with HSA don't have to wait until the bar closes to get sex.

"I dont think random hookups break hearts. I think the people break their own hearts by putting themselves in scenarios to be continually unsatisified and left wanting something they might not even be ready to get."

Agreed. Again...low self-esteem. When you sleep with a woman who feels this way about herself, you've also just slept with a woman who feels a connection through that sex...a connection that involves her heart. Is this right? No. Is it good for her? No. Is it fair to you? No. Is she breaking her own heart? Yes.

But...it's happening...

September 30, 2009  
Anonymous Still said...

Great post Savage! Althoug i like some kind of adventure like sex in dark alley... thrill of hunt :D

Waiting for next part!

October 16, 2009  

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