Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Vibe Your Way to Laceration

A fellow dating coach brought an article to my attention. It is the story of a woman who smashed a wine glass into a man’s face when she decided she didn’t like his flirtatious approach.

Now, if you’re already thinking “What did he say? He must’ve said something awful to deserve that.” Stop and reflect for a minute.

Does it even matter? Does anything one person can possibly say justify another person dragging broken glass down your face leaving “horrific, lifelong scars.” Apparently one gash was so deep that when the man would breath his “cheek would open up.” Horrific, indeed.

Now, this dating coach, who has also bled “infield” when a woman broke a bottle over his head, says this: “Chicks dig scars, right? That story could be worked to incredible positive advantage for many many years.”

Are you kidding me? That's your message? Man-up?!?

Then, this blogger who is a vocal proponent of “Non-Violent Communication” who is quickly becoming known as the “best PUA groupie,” says this: “Our judgments are telegraphed to other people, even if we don't speak them out loud. It in no way justifies her actions, but it wouldn't surprise me if she was reacting in part to sensing his attitude. Deeply unconscious people sometimes react violently when they sense hostility from another person. Again, this does not condone violence in any way. All I'm saying is that thoughts can be violent too, and they are not harmless just because they aren't spoken out loud.”

MOST people are deeply unconscious! Can you imagine if we all reacted this way to the ‘violent thoughts’ of others? He may have had poor presuppositions about women and he may have indeed projected some kind of hostility. It doesn’t matter. NOTHING can even begin to excuse this behavior.

I found this article and these reactions to be extremely nauseating. First because of what happened to the guy, and second because no one is pointing out the double standard.

When we see a man get punched or slapped or kicked in the nuts in a movie or TV show, we LAUGH and then we assume he must have done something to "DESERVE IT." In real life, this CAN have extreme repercussions... At least if the girl is holding a wine glass.

If she had only punched him without bodily injury, do you think she would have even been arrested? Or do you think we would have all excused her and assumed he must have said something, or projected a bad vibe, and somehow deserved it?

Do you think if the roles had been reversed and he attacked her – for whatever reason – we would have the same gut reaction? And do you think if the roles had been reversed, he would have only gotten TWO years in jail?

Violence is violence – and it is never excusable.

Months ago, I bought into the double standard. I used to coach guys along these lines: If you have never been slapped by a woman (in field or in a relationship), then you are just not pushing yourself. You are not taking enough risks. You’re not ballsy, not masculine, not finding your edge, not leaving your comfort zone, not pushing your game, blah blah blah.

What a stupid thing to encourage. Violence is an equal opportunity mistake. We’ve taken huge strides to condemn violence against women. We can’t tolerate violence against men either.

We can’t look at her and say, “Well, women are emotional and she was just expressing her feelings.” Emotions do not permit violence. We can’t look at him and say, “Dude, man up, you were totally acting like a jerk and projecting a bad attitude and deserved what you got.”

Read this:

"Most people, I believe, envision male/female violence as a boxing ring, with the man as heavyweight and woman as lightweight, and a referee standing by to point out the obvious discrepancy in their builds. But, this is not reality. When women throw punches and dishes, men are usually caught unawares and unprepared to protect themselves. Any woman can fell any man by sucker-punching or ambushing him with a fireplace poker. Just because she might be shorter or weigh less doesn’t make her assault any less egregious than if he had hit her. Even if a woman slaps a man in the face, as we always see on TV when she is in a jealous rage, she is committing a crime. Assault is assault is assault, no matter who commits it." – Marc Rudov

Here’s the thing. The double standard that says “women are delicate and innocent; men are rough and prone to violence” – even though women are equally guilty of committing violent crimes – is deeply ingrained in society. If we really want to be treated as equals – with the mutual satisfaction and reciprocal respect that women and men BOTH deserve – we have to eradicate all these double standards.

Next time you watch a movie and a man gets slapped or punched by a woman, please don’t laugh. I want you to think of Liam Sharratt and his scarred face instead.

GoneSavage (I’m a savvy savage – it’s an attitude not a behavior.)

The full article is here:



Blogger Erika said...

I did in fact say that I do not condone violence under any circumstances.

March 25, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You are to be commended for this article. There IS a double-standard, and there is no excuse for her behavior.

And as for Erika, she says in her response that she doesn't "condone" violence -- but in the same breath she takes up for this woman and tries hard to excuse her behavior both implicitly and explicitly. Absolutely nauseating.

Thank you for reminding us of the hypocrisy present in our legal system.

March 25, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quite right, she should be locked up in prison where she belongs for assault and grievous bodily harm.

March 27, 2009  

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