Saturday, March 14, 2009

Devotion vs Commitment

In human relationships, we talk about “having a commitment” and “being committed.”

Let’s take a look at what this really means. A commitment is an “obligation, responsibility, or promise that restricts freedom of action.” By definition, commitment places restriction born of obligation.

And you know how I always say that obligation inhibits lust.

Commitment sounds like you’ve been forced into an institution. Don’t we use the same word to mean being placed into confinement or custody -- as in a mental health facility? Think about it. Commitment is a term of binding and confinement.

A much better concept is devotion.

Devotion means “ardent, often selfless affection and dedication.” Finding someone that you want to devote yourself to is a giving, selfless matter. Devotion means giving entirely of your mind, body and soul to deep, dedicated love.

Devotion is not about restricting freedom. It is not about binding and confining someone to a course of action. Devotion is about exploring a relationship with open, honest communication full of trust and loyalty. (See also Loyalty vs Fidelity.)

Do you want a partner with whom you feel obligated to have a commitment?

Or do you want a lover with whom you can share lustful devotion?

The choice is yours.


Juan Antonio: Well, now that the day's almost over, is it reasonable of me to ask you if you'll both join me in my room?

Vicky: Oh, come on, I thought we'd settled that.

Cristina: Vicky's just trying to say that she's engaged to be married, that's all.

Juan Antonio: Great. Then these are her last days of freedom.

Vicky: No. Look, I'm not free. I'm committed. You know what my theory is? And when I drink, I get brutally frank. I think that you're still hurting from the failure of your marriage to Maria Elena, and you're trying to lose yourself in empty sex.

Juan Antonio: Empty sex? Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?


Blogger Erika said...

omg, you changed your location to Alaska? not enough girls there! ;-)

I like the idea of devotion, though it's all in the intention behind the word. I can use commitment with the same energy and intention as you are using devotion ...

March 15, 2009  
Blogger GoneSavage said...

Commitment is part of the language of domination. Commitment denotes binding, confinement, and restriction. Commitment connotes fear, anxiety, and limitations for many people.

It’s important that we chose language that is empowering by both denotation and connotation. After all, I’ve never met anyone that had a “fear of devotion.”

PS. I moved to Alaska with the intention of seducing Bristol Palin. Keep your eye out for a joint LR.

March 15, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would you agree that devotion can lead to commitment? And that in fact prolonged devotion likely leads to commitment - but a fluid, internal commitment.

You comment about nobody talking about "fear of devotion" is a very insightful one.

April 09, 2009  

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