Hold Nothing Back
A woman wants to feel that her man is not dependent on her. She wants to feel that her man wants her, desires her, but does not need her. A needy man is a turn-off. A man who needs to be acknowledged for his giving ruins the gift.
Of course, all men are needy to some extent. And to grow into integrated self-hood requires that men learn to express their needs clearly. But to grow beyond personal integration and truly open fully, a man can learn that his life is a full-blown sacrifice. A life well-lived is a life wherein your gifts are given fully, no holding back -- even if you are not appreciated, acknowledged, or noticed for the giving.
Most women want a man with this kind of offering-strength, a man who does not need her pat on the back to continue giving his gifts to the world or her. He is dedicated to giving his gifts in spite of resistance by the world or by her. A woman loves to feel that even when she doesn't acknowledge her man, he continues on his path without collapse. Then she can trust him. His needs, and therefore his moods, do not sag his life.
If you are a man, notice how much acknowledgment you want from your woman or the world for your gifts. Every man wants to be appreciated for what he gives, but your gifts need not wilt when they are seemingly unnoticed. You can learn to give your gifts fully, without holding back while you wait for adequate acknowledgment -- which rarely comes as fully as you hope, especially when you need it most.
As you grow, you realize that your woman's lack of acknowledgment acts as a test. Are you giving like an artist who must express art, a saint who must offer compassion, a father who must provide his children with the best upbringing he can, regardless of how much appreciation he gets for it? When you die, will you know that you have given yourself utterly to the world, to your woman, to your family, holding nothing back? Or are you still like a little boy eagerly performing for the sake of mom's applause? Very little helps you mature beyond neediness more than the appreciate you want from your woman, but don't get.
--David Deida, Blue Truth