Invite Her to Nothing

On 5-13 I went to a local community meeting to hear Zan speak. Great presentation, as expected.

One thing Zan said that caught my attention is, "Invite girls to nothing."

My interpretation:

The typical dating structure says you should invite a girl to clear, compelling dates to impress her. Like sweep her off in a balloon ride.

Then the community comes along and says, just invite her to stuff you are already doing. Be non-needy and not try-hard and all that. This could be exemplified by: "Hey I'm going to this concert, you should come along" or it could be "hey I am going to Target, you should come along."

Here you are trying to interest her in you, a step above impressing her with things and activities.

But Zan says to "invite her to nothing." Don't have a plan.

This relates to an ideal that I teach: "The approach should be a result of noticing her." Nothing more. No 3-second rule, no trying to think of what will be the best opener. Just do it, like it's a reflex.

I just wouldn't be me if I didn't come over here to acknowledge my appreciation of you.

The example he gave went something like this:

Zan: I love your yellow dress and I had to come let you know that I appreciate your style.
Girl: Thank you.
Zan: You and your friend are both very lovely, and I am only in town for a few days, and I would like to invite you both to spend time with me.
Girl: What are we going to do?
Zan: I am not sure, I haven't thought that far ahead.

Nice. This is pretty much what I was doing when I was travelling throughout 2005 and 2006. The energy I was projecting was so different then. What I would commonly do next is make up nonsensical activities.

For Austin, it would be something like... We'll go bungee jumping off of the Frost Bank tower! We'll sneak into Peter Pan's MiniGolf and take lewd pictures with the pirate! We'll go throw spitballs at the bats under the bridge! We'll go skinny dipping in Barton Springs!

I'd come up with some exaggerated activity involving landmarks and local flavor. But I hope you see where I'm headed with this. I would instill a sense of adventure and a sense that any thing's possible.

I'm not exactly sure what we'll do but you can bet it will either be an incredibly good time or an amazing experience. Either way, it will be fun. Win-win.

And then we'd go do something not quite so exaggerated. I'd take her to Mount Bonnell or we'd sneak into the FishLoft or I'd take her on the famous Photo Safari. It would be something sponateous that would really allow us to converse and connect.

Another thing I used to do so often is role play using this same vibe.... I'm new here and I need a tour guide... between the two of you, who knows more about the city?... test... okay, you're my tour guide... but now we need a job for you... can you cook?... okay, what's your best dish?... eh, I'm not sure I'd like that.... do you give good back rubs? Etc.

First, I'd say you can't underestimate a traveller's vibe and the inherent time constraint it suggests.

But then, I'd also say that there's got to be a way to maintain that excitement and joie de vivre when you live stationary.

Not having a lust for life is probably the average community guy's biggest all around sticking point. You've got to deal with this before you scrutinize little things like kino escalation and breaking rapport.

Here's why. "Inviting girls into nothing" does not mean you are pulling them into a joyless void; a trite and unexciting existence.

It means that you are simultaneously having such a good time living your own life while also being piqued by the serendipitous encounter of her, it never occurred to you to study, practice, and plan these things.

Sound like a paradox?

It is.

Love life,
GoneSavage