Accountability vs Anonymity
Actually earlier in the night, I had started to complain to my friend that I didn't think that it was going to be possible for me to meet my dream girl in the downtown nightlife scene. Sometime the scene just seems so ridiculously low-value to me.
He says, "You WILL meet her here, and you will know her because she will be saying the same thing."
Aha! A bit of a premonition there, because I ended up meeting a great girl. In fact, I know she's great because she's interested in me! It always seems that fate has good taste.
But, is she 'the one?'
That will be determined soon. I just wanted to say how this LTR path seems so liberating for me. To speak of love, passion, and long term intimacy. The exact things that I used to avoid talking about at all costs (marriage, children, 'the future') are the exact things that I talked about with her. It felt so free and natural.
I used to be excited to make out with a girl within minutes of meeting her, now I'm excited to be talking about commitment within minutes of meeting her! Crazy!
I don't want to get too excited, but I feel like I can't go wrong by just stating the obvious. She has an unpretentious beauty like Hera. She can cook (so she says), eats meat, is a non smoker, has no kids already, is modest, is a great kisser, and is interested in tantric sex. And she convinced me that she doesn't go downtown every fucking week. And she's single. And I already mentioned she has no trouble conveying interest in me.
Contrast that with the One Night Stand girls you try to meet. Haha! None of the above matters. Not even the fact that she's single.
If you were to ask a guy to list the qualities he looks for in an Long Tern Relationship and the qualities he'd like in a One Night Stand, he's going to give you two very different lists. This is why I stress that the 2 paths are so inherently unique. The very context of attraction is polarized. The 'game' requires an understanding of polar opposite forces.
So here is your lesson for today:
Path 1 (Committed LTR) = social accountability
Path 2 (Casual STR) = social anonymity
Path 1 requires social accountability like getting approval from her social circle. Of equal importance, is that she has to connect with yours. The whole point of 'social proof' is to gain trust and respect as long term potential through her seeing the trust and respect you've generated with others.
Path 2 requires (if you really want to be successfully promiscuous) a high degree of social anonymity. You have to keep yourself out of her social circle and make yourself an attractive option in the NOW. By token, you don't want to give her the impression that you are inviting her into your social circle either. Anonymity - the sense that neither of you have to answer to anyone or account for anyone else's opinions - is what will permit quick arousal and escalation.
Trust and respect have a different context on Path 2. Trust comes down to assuring her physical safety. Respect comes down to being non-judgemental. Social accountability becomes a liability.
If you want to master Path 2, you have to play into themes of discretion, living in the moment, having juicy secrets, temptation, suspense, body sensations, fantasy, adventure, taking risks, being unguarded, doing what feels right, and answering only to yourself. These are not nearly as important on Path 1.
This is why I tell guys that if you really want to be successfully promiscuous you have to get used to going out alone. Maximum anonymity.
Now, consider that everything you do and say labels you as either a guy on Path 1, or a guy on Path 2.
Community guys convince themselves that they are on Path 2 and then do all kinds of unproductive LTR-related things that detract from the possibility of having no strings-attached casual sex. Why?
Because they don't know any better. The community teaches a lot of middle-of the-road bullshit in order to cast a wide net over an array of men eager to bend over backwards to please women.
Basically guys end up playing that ambiguous fence. You think that this gives you options: "Well if I can't get her tonight then I'll get her number and try to hook up next time."
There's the flaw. By trying to play both, you are effective at neither.
If she isn't down to fuck you that night, what makes you think she's going to fuck you some other time?
Well, the short answer is because she's already considering you as long-term potential. You probably have never thought about this. Even if you have, I bet you think it's great, because now you think you have options and can influence the outcome.
Once again, this is mediocre (and possibly manipulative) thinking. This is not owning your intentions, stating what you want, and living with a driving purpose. This is not seeking mastery through making conscious choices.
So, as an example, she's considering you as relationship material. You're just trying not to mess up long enough to make it to the bedroom. You fuck on the third date. I am not going to assume to know what either of you are thinking, but only point out that this single act of physical connection has different meanings for each of you. Expectations were not aligned.
This can lead to further discrepancy, ambivalence, regret, 'buyer's remorse,' and worse.
This is why even guys genuine in our intention have to deal with enormous trust issues relating to how women have been hurt (often accidentally) by men in the past.
Usually this unintentional manipulation comes from a lack of awareness, clarity, or sensitivity. As I've described, this is a result of doing things that you don't even realize are incongruous with your intention.
Pick a path. Move along that path declaring deliberate intentions. Make conscious actions that are aligned with that path.
Oh, and I texted this girl as soon as I got home. Then she calls me back. Nice. She tells me that she enjoyed our conversation and she has Saturday free.
I tell her that I haven't thought that far ahead but I fully intend to sweep her off her feet. I have a really good intuition about this one.