Monday, May 18, 2009

The Paradox of Choice

I'm working on a landmark post about systematic selection vs intuition (unconscious intelligence). I call it "landmark" only because it is going to be far more personal than most of the stuff I publish.

But first, a tangent:

Some researches did an experiment where they showed online dating profiles to young single men and women. They all said that they would rather choose among twenty possible dates than four. But after checking out the profiles, those given more options to view found the situation far less enjoyable. Having more options made the task more stressful and also increased a feeling of having missed out on a better match.

It's called the Paradox of Choice: With more options comes more potential for conflict.

The effect has been studied a lot in consumer psychology. It turns out that shoppers are attracted to more alternatives, but the way to turn browsers into buyers is to provide less choice.

Of course, I want to relate this to "game" and our beloved community...

First, look at the amount of material out there. Overwhelming to say the least. What's more, there are conflicting points of view. You have to limit your own consumption. You have to allow yourself a beneficial degree of ignorance, so that you can go out and get the experiences for yourself. Trust that your gut feelings will always take you further than second-hand information.

Personally, I have the rule that I will only consume one sedution community related product per year. Of course, I pick ones that I already know will resonate with me. Most insights will immediately mesh with my reference experiences, the ones that don't, I will carry forward until I learn on my own.

If you really want to get comfortable trusting your social intuition, you have to give yourself a ratio of about 1 to 4. That is, for every one hour you spend consuming material and reading blogs/forums, you should be "in field" for four hours.

Ultimately, if you want to consider yourself good with women, your most influential teacher should be women. Not secular evangelists with interchangeable aliases and indistinguishable sales pages.

Back to the Paradox of Choice:

Stop bar hopping. Pick a venue and post up for the night. There are going to be less options, but it will encourage you to take your interactions further. You will learn more from conversing with 4 girls than "opening" 20 girls. Venue change only when you are with the girls.

Personally, about two and a half years ago, I made a firm decision never to go out "to meet girls." I meet women with ease while enjoying other activities. I love going to concerts because of the energy, intensity, and novelty. It's an activity I love. The opportunities to meet single women are far less than bars and clubs, but I still manage to meet the most fascinating woman at any given show.

You're probably better off if you live in a smaller city, simply because of the overwhelming opportunity that exists in a larger populace. In North America, I think Austin is ideal in size and diversity. Also remember the Proximity Effect; we tend to hook up with people that we are exposed to the most -- oftentimes this means coworkers or people that live very close by. I know some guys that only play venues that are close to their homes to maximize this effect.

Take this to heart, in "game" less almost always means more.

Less information is better.

Less choice is better.

And one more thing; less time is better.

I'm not talking about time constraints or that "magic" number of seven hours.

I'm talking about getting your intent right out there in the open, quickly. Don't waste time hesitating. Taking your time and concentrating on your every word can lead to paralyzing deliberation. Analyzing does not generate better choices. It's better to trust your intuitive judgement and make the instantaneous decision.

Love life,
GoneSavage

PS: This could very well be my last community-focused post ever. So, I'm going to nail this point with a "Pop Quiz."

1. You are on a reality show and you have to form an uncanny connection with only ONE woman, but you get to chose, do you want to do this in a room full of 20 women or in a room of just 4 women?

2. You can go in armed with a simple list "10 seduction rules of thumb" or a 100g hard-drive full of the latest DVDs, ebooks, and interviews with gurus. Which do you pick?

3. Finally, you can chose: Do you want 7 hours to make this connection, or do you want 90 minutes?

All that matters is that ONE woman says something like: "Yeah, we really connected, we just clicked!"

Which do you pick, sucka?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Cornelius said...

man, Awsome post!
I read a lot about Intuition, but nearly forgot everything, thanks for remembering.
I really like what you are writing...
you seem to go the same way Ciaran( former RSD) went.


Greets from germany

Cornelius
(forgot my blogger passwort -.-)

May 19, 2009  
Blogger Benedict Smith said...

great post. i found better results when i did 2 of the things you just posted about: focusing on material that resonates with me and willfully limiting my exposure to PUA material.

May 19, 2009  
Blogger Erika said...

hey GS,

I have always gravitated toward boutique stores. Large department stores feel absolutely overwhelming to me. I dabbled in on-line dating a few years ago and felt that same sense of paralysis and anonymity.

My feeling nowadays is that I'm going to meet the people I'm spozed to meet. Therefore, no special effort is required. Like you say, it's more about going places that feel good to me, with the faith that if I'm meant to meet a particular man, I can't help but meet him. It's handled by the "unconscious intelligence."

Cool post.

xoxo,
Erika

May 19, 2009  
Blogger GoneSavage said...

Spozed? C'mon.

I often say, "I am looking for the one looking for me."

Mutual pursuit.

It puts the locus of control squarely on my shoulders while also acknowledging that fate has good taste.

More on this soon.

May 19, 2009  
Anonymous PUAskills said...

"Personally, I have the rule that I will only consume one seduction community related product per year. Of course, I pick ones that I already know will resonate with me."

I strongly disagree with you on this one. If you pick something you like or "know will resonate" then you're just reinforcing the beliefs and knowledge you already have and not learning anything new.

I think the "one product per year" is enough to eliminate too much "choice". So instead of picking something that "resonates with you"... you should choose something with a totally different perspective than you currently have.

May 20, 2009  
Blogger GoneSavage said...

Using the truths that I pointed out, this is the correct answer to the pop quiz: Your best bet is to read the list of 10 seduction tips in ten minutes, then go talk to each of four women for 20 minutes. Ignore the trappings that say more is better, and you will win the challenge.

May 20, 2009  
Blogger Devout Hypocrite said...

"Ultimately, if you want to consider yourself good with women, your most influential teacher should be women. Not secular evangelists with interchangeable aliases and indistinguishable sales pages."

What do you say to the guys just starting out, who may suffer from major AA and haven't figured out how to relate to women at all yet?

I couldn't agree with you more, btw. The majority of your post basically seems to be "Do what you enjoy and makes you happy, and the other stuff will fall into place." which is basically my own theory on life as well.

May 21, 2009  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

You think Austin's a "small town"?!!

Glad to find you via the Rori blog (which I also stumbled upon.) A frank man's perspective is what I'm looking for, right now.

Right on time.

--Lisa

June 24, 2009  

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