There is a certain flavor to a codependent relationship that might be described as 'driven' or 'intense.' There is a compulsive nature to it. The members are tied to each other almost as with an invisible rope. The slightest move in one causes a reaction in the other. The positions are rigid. Every word or thought is guarded, weighed against the other's imagined response.
How different is the
chosenness of an interdependent relationship! The desire is there but not the intense need. Love, whether for a spouse, a child, a parent, or a friend, is a matter of choice. Should the choreography require, the skaters can more about with beauty and originality. Each can stretch and grow without tilting or damaging the relationship.
Robert
Hemfelt,
Love is a ChoiceSavage postscript:
Pick-up is dominated by the compulsion of the lower three
chakras, seduction involves the choice associated with the 4
th through 6
th chakras. I assert that all relationships (even one-night stands) that result from the intention of pick-up are codependent. Like attracts like.
Here are some traits of codependents:
1. A codependent has low self-esteem. (
PUAs are notorious for lacking self-esteem and attempt to develop self-confidence -- the shadow to 3rd
chakra self-esteem.)
2. A codependent is certain that his happiness depends on others. (Look at the
PUA's incessant pursuit of social/sexual value.)
3. A codependent worries about things he can't change and may well try to change them. (Look at the
PUA's obsession with image, identity, personality, value, and status.)
4. A
codependent's life is punctuated by extremes (Look at how
PUAs cycle from sexual addiction to sexual anorexia and/or social addiction to social anorexia).
5. A codependent is constantly looking for the something that is missing or lacking in life. (A
PUA is defined by his sense of lack, limitation, frustration, separation, scarcity, fear, worry, doubt, anger, and
attachment.)