Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Accept Pain, But Don't Nourish It

Bears like honey. And a bear will go after honey, no matter what. The bear sticks its paw in the beehive to get honey. The bees sting him relentlessly. His body and face quickly swell from bee stings, but he continues to go after the honey. No matter the stings, no matter the pain, he cannot give up his desire. The intelligent bear, though, will pick up a beehive and throw it in the river. The bees, fearing they’ll drown, fly away. The bear then retrieves the beehive from the river and enjoys the honey.

The world is like the stinging bees. We continually go after things that cause pain. We are stung constantly. But isn’t the sting of the world worth the honey? The intelligent person accepts pain but does not nourish it. She doesn’t give it room in her house. If you nourish pain or loneliness or doubt, you give it a room in your house. You allow it to occupy a space within you. Clean your house of this clutter. Sweep these things from your heart. Make space for joy, happiness, and bliss.

From When You Hear Hoofbeats Think of a Zebra by Shems Fridlander

By the way, my personal favorite blog post is called "Self -Pity is the World's Greatest Addiction."

Off to Orlando for the 21 Convention!


Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Ignore the critics and embrace the criticism.

Online critics are motivated by a need for attention. They want you to notice them and to censor them and to fight back. That's the goal. So ignore the harshest ones.

But don't ignore what they say. This is valuable feedback. It's free and it's quick and it's useful. It points to a thousand ways you can dramatically improve your product -- before it's too late. If you quickly embrace the essence of the feedback (without defensiveness) then you win.

--Seth Godin

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The 21 Convention

My speech last Friday, 7-10, went amazingly well. There were 43 people in attendance in a remote location. I talked for 2 hours. No problem. I wanted to keep going, and I did unofficially after I was off the stage.

So now I am embracing the challenge of condensing this information into a short presentation for The 21 Convention in Orlando.

This is an affordably priced 4-day shindig that starts on Thursday, July 23rd.

I will be speaking on Sunday, July 26th.

The 21 Convention is in it's third year and is hosted by a guy who goes by Dream. Presenting this year is El Topo (realistically the best 'PUA' around), DJ Fuji (a student of mine from 2006), and Vin DiCarlo (a fellow ASF contributor circa 2005). Plus a bunch of other reputable guys like Adam Lyons and Entropy.

If you live in Orlando or are otherwise attending The 21 Convention, I would love to hear from you.

It is also noteworthy that I began my second-wave of promiscuity while road-tripping through Gainesville and Orlando in April 2005. Eventually this trip took me up the east coast to Montreal, then west to SF, LA, LV, and Burning Man. So this is a homecoming of sorts.

Reading these "Love Reports" will give you a good idea of how I operate, how I've been resonating on a different frequency, even back then:

LR: Florida: Banging a Bookstore Babe
LR: Orlando: If This Van's a Rockin'
LR: Orlando: Score at the Virgin-MegaStore
(aka Penetrating The Tail of the Little Mermaid)

I'm also giving a free one-hour-plus phone consultation with anyone confirmed as attending The 21 Convention who also reads my blog. Familiarize yourself with the above LRs and the Two Paths first, then email me.


Wednesday, July 08, 2009

For Those in Austin...

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Anti-Depressants and The Pill

Drugs: A great topic to discuss early on with your potential paramours. I have no problem point-blank asking women what drugs they take, either of the illegal sort or the over-prescribed sort. At a recent workshop, a student of mine asked "Won't that sort of question weird a girl out?"

First of all, if you're trying so-hard to ensure that she's comfortable, then you are woefully missing the point of masculine directive. Second, anything you ask coming from a place of genuine curiosity will almost always be answered without resistance. If not, then you just screened an emotionally insulated individual out of your reality. Third, even if you are not screening against drug use, it is still an important aspect of mutual understanding, worthy of bringing right out in the open.

For the record, I don't do any drugs - not even vitamins. When I was on Path 2 - the pursuit of casual sex - I would bring up this topic, not to screen women, but basically to get a snapshot of who I was dealing with. "If she's crazy in the head, she's crazy in bed" is absolutely true in my experience. If you're down for a single night of wild sex, or a short term fling, there is no point screening out a girl just because she does drugs. Remember that the key to Path 2 is providing a sense of non-judgement. This does not mean non-disclosure. Foreplay begins with conversation. The more taboo topics you can bring up, and accept without judgement, the more trust she will have for you as a sex partner.

But this article is about Path 1. Wild and loud sex does not necessarily mean good sex. There is a huge difference between a deeply emotive sexual connection and mutually scratching a basic biological itch. In seeking a committed relationship, I'm looking for a true sexual connection that permits longevity and continuity.

Finding a woman that is drug free is essential to this vision.

Using the research of John Young, I'm going to talk about the two most prevalent types of drugs and how they affect a woman's sexual drives and desires. (All studies are cited at his website.)


According to Scientific American, "one in three doctor’s office visits by women involved the prescription of an antidepressant, either for the writing of a new prescription or for the maintenance of an existing one, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."

One third of women in the US are on some form of antidepressant. 60% of women on antidepressants report noticeable decline in sex drive or other sexual dysfunction. In fact, the same drugs are prescribed to sex offenders for the explicit reason of decreasing their sex drive!

Young reminds us: "With a few exceptions for various organic brain problems; most people are on anti-depressants because that's what insurance companies push as a quick-fix; not because of some sort of genetically-inspired imbalance of neurotransmitters. It's simply cheaper to put a depressed woman on a psychoactive drug than to pay for therapy to figure out why she is depressed and fix it."

The pills are just a cover up. They mask the symptoms and don't even begin to tackle the core issue that is making her depressed. And as already stated, they kill her sex drive. I'm going to take this on a case-by-case basis, but this is certainly a compelling reason to screen against women on antidepressants.

Hormonal Birth Control

This one is even more insidious. Hormonal birth control (such as The Pill) work by hijacking a woman's natural reproductive cycle. High concentrations of steroid hormones (estrogen and progesterone) are taken to prevent ovulation. This is an extreme hormonal fluctuation that completely recreates her 'chemistry.'

As if the common side effects of acne and weight gain were not enough, there is now evidence that The Pill may affect what male body odors (pheromones) a woman prefers, which can influence her selection of partners.

How does this relate to Path 1 relationships? Simple. When she comes off The Pill because you've together decide to procreate, and her body chemistry returns to normal, she may actually find that she is no longer attracted to you. Suddenly she's not drawn to your scent.

A study by Craig Roberts at the University of Liverpool also suggests that women on The Pill are far more likely to cheat on their partners because of the reduced anxiety of pregnancy.

Most importantly, no one is telling women that sabotaging their reproductive cycles can lead to poor mate choices. As a man, I want to know the woman I've selected has also selected me without being under the influence of hormonal hijacking. Again, this will be a case-by-case scenario for me, but I am compelled to screen against women on hormonal birth control.

I should also mention that while I'm basically looking for 'the one,' I am not looking to make a baby immediately. That said, I have no real desire to ejaculate inside of a woman until we are clear in our intent for creational sex. Save something for the honeymoon, right? Maybe I am just a bit jaded from being on Path 2 for so long, that STD risks aside, I would be a little concerned that hormonal birth control would fail (from either accidental or conscious misuse by the woman.)

Until the woman is right, and the time is right, I prefer to be responsible by providing my own birth control that we call the barrier method, AKA condoms.

But back to the core issue of this post: A drug-free woman is just that. She is not under the influence of any mind-altering or body-chemistry-altering substances including antidepressants and hormonal birth control.

If you think about it, what I am really screening for is a woman who freely, joyfully, and entirely of her own volition, makes informed choices.