Saturday, February 28, 2009

Satisfaction vs Pleasure

Pleasure is fickle. Pleasure is fleeting. It sure feels good, but it always leaves behind relative normality that feels like a void by comparison. The void, of course, needs more pleasure to be filled. A life without pleasure is dismal. But a life of seeking pleasure for its own sake is vapid and shallow.

Satisfaction is much more enduring. Satisfaction is an emotion that captures the unique meaning of an activity. Satisfaction includes a dimension of action. You very well may find pleasure by accident, but satisfaction arises from the conscious decision to do something. A sense of satisfaction is created when meaningful action meets a compelling challenge.

By the way, having obligatory sex may be a pleasure, but having lustful sex is realizing true satisfaction.

What in life brings you mere pleasure, and what in life allows you supreme satisfaction?

Friday, February 27, 2009

Exploring vs Searching

Think back to when you where younger, and you had the opportunity to explore some new place or have a wild new experience. You decided where to go and how to get there.

Wasn’t it exciting? Wasn’t it an adventure? Most people find discovering new placed and seeing new things to be thrilling. This is the mental state of an explorer.

Then, something strange happens. You discover one of your belonging is missing. Maybe it was your keys or your wallet. Maybe it was just an idea or a frame of mind. At any rate, something personal to you is now lost. You search your pockets, then your memory, and then you start looking around.

You ask yourself: When did I last have it? What do I do next? You go back over the same terrain, retracing your steps. You look here, trying to remember. You look there, desperation bringing you to the edge of panic. Now you are in the mental state of a searcher.

Now you are lost. You are no longer on an adventure. The thrill and excitement are suppressed by anguish. There is a screen over your eyes that turns everything to disappointment. New opportunities and experiences present themselves, but since they are not what you are searching for, you ignore them.

Even if you find the item, the trauma of having lost it can persist. Either way, you now stop exploring and searching altogether and begin protecting. Most of your deliberate actions will now be motivated by a desire to guard, protect, or avoid something.

Beliefs can be lost too. You can lose awareness of what you believe. How? By becoming so familiar with protecting your ego that you forget the playfulness of exploring.

Losing awareness of your beliefs leads to stress and self-sabotage. Your feelings and actions are on autopilot. You are living passively, in a walking daze. In turn, you attract the circumstances that will fulfill these bad beliefs.

Do you carry beliefs that should be discarded so that you can regain the natural high of the explorer?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Lustful Sex vs Obligatory Sex

I’ve seen a few articles popping up recently like Will the Recession End Gold Digging” and “Market for Romance Goes from Bullish to Sheepish: Are Guys with Less to Spend Less of a Catch?”

Let me tell you where all this is headed and why you are far ahead in the game of life just by finding the community – and taking steps toward improving yourself – than the guy who buys into the wine-and-dine provider model.

Here's the reality. Being comfortable and sexual with women is the primary skill you need in life. Making money (for your own livelihood), is secondary. I'm usually not so hierarchical. I think skills with women and pursuing your purpose in life should be of equal importance. But when talking about the specific monetization aspect of pursuing your purpose, you have to put ability with women on top of that.

Let’s look at a quote from a guy interviewed in the article above, he says this:

"One of the first questions is: 'What do you do? You own your own company? How many people work for you? Are you working at home or do you go to an office?' They are literally sizing you up." And, he said, he doesn't blame them -- especially if the girl is beautiful. "They can afford to be picky."

This guy carries the erroneous belief that money is the only way to attract a woman. The more he buys into this, and the more he shows off (if and when he has money) the more he is going to be seen as an easy target for manipulative women. After he’s wined-and-dined, chased-and-impressed, and otherwise deferred to her, she may have sex with him. But understand something: This is obligatory sex and not lustful sex.

When a guy like that loses his job, he suddenly has an identity crisis. He’s confused, frustrated, and convinced he has no value. His identity is based on the superficial results he gets from shallow women.

So this is my first point. As the article says, the recession is forcing people toward “looking for more creative ways to attract partners.” One result is that guys are going to turn toward the internet for solutions. And the community is going to get even larger and more publicized.

You guys got in early. You’ve already developed character, confidence, and charm. You’re far ahead of the pack with introspection and self-actualization. If you’ve gone as far as developing empathy, moral disposition, and are comfortable with your own sexuality (specifically) and the female sexuality (in general), you are drastically ahead of the masses. Congratulations.

So now my second point: Obligatory sex is what you get when you entertain her and impress her. Lustful sex comes from raw, mutual attraction and arousal.

When a woman has sex out of obligation she does not respect you. If she does not respect you, she will not be sexually fulfilled. She will be frustrated. These women make poor lovers. They fake orgasms, fantasize about other men, flirt with other men, deceptively have sex with other men, and constantly “test” you for weakness. How erotic and romantic is that?

Now, the easiest way to contrast lustful sex with obligatory sex is to point out guys that wine-and-dine. “But I found the community, and I know not to do that. I don’t buy girls drinks or dinner or anything.” But also understand this:

Entertaining, amusing, impressing, babysitting, chasing, courting, wooing, deferring to her expectations, consciously displaying your higher value, and convincing her of your status OFTEN can only lead to obligatory sex and not lustful sex.

Think about it. You’re still playing the social conditioning game.

I watched a product by the masters of social (not sexual) dynamics and it said “Women have sex to cement a moment or to blow off steam.” Hmm. I get it. What they want you to take away is this: “Guys, it’s just sex – it’s not a big deal to her, so it shouldn’t be to you.” Still, I remember this bothering me and I couldn’t quite figure out why.

What about women (and men) that have sex because of lust, desire, arousal, impulse, urge, craving, longing, yearning, carnal delight, rapture, ecstasy, joy, bliss, pleasure, satisfaction, and just because it feels great?

Don’t get me wrong. You’ve got to be positive, social, and good-humored. You’ve got to make friends and have a social life. But often the social game leads to merely getting attention that may lead to “no big deal” passionless sex. She thinks you’re cool and “sexworthy” and, hell, why not cement a moment with you? You’re pleasant and funny; why not blow off some steam with you?

This is sex from a place of obligation, not compulsion. There may be attraction, but not arousal. There may be casual pleasure, but not deep satisfaction. It’s all a subtly that neither you nor she may ever realize.

El Topo puts it this way: “What women find attractive about men can vary in specific physical qualities, but men who understand women’s sexuality are more attractive than any ‘attraction switch’.”

I concur, but I think it’s really three things wrapped in one: A man who is comfortable with his own sexuality, understands a woman’s sexuality, and has no problem talking openly and candidly about sex is a very attractive man. This is the guy that deeply arouses a woman and enjoys the passionate nuances of lustful sex.

That’s my biggest point here. Simultaneously appreciating and conveying sexuality will get you further with the opposite sex than anything else, including money and superficial social skills. Guys, this is how men and women have amazing, meaningful sex. This is how men and women have relationships based on mutual pursuit, mutual desire, and mutual gratification.

It’s also this realization that’s going to save the community from negative portrayal.

Take the manipulation out of your quest for satisfaction, and take yourself out of a game based on manipulation. Cultivate empathy, respect, reciprocity, and pursue women that want mutually gratifying lustful sex.

The way I see it, the community will thrive when we hone our focus.

My role is to help people (both men and women) understand sexuality, attain lustful sex, and maintain healthy relationships (both short-lived and long-term) based on lust, honesty, and reciprocity.

Isn't that what you really want?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Don't Call it A Comeback... I've Been Here For Years!

I’m returning to this blog after more than three full years of disregard. Some people know that I have been around the “seduction community” since it was a mere fledgling, and recently I’ve been sought out once again for my unique perspective. I’ll agree – I usually have a distinct point of view. So here I am – 12 years in the “game,” and 10 years in the “community” – finally pulling my material together. Stay tuned.

I’ll get you up to date with the briefest of backgrounds because I really want to talk about the present and future. I found the community back in 99-2000 when all that was around was Ross Jefferies and Cliff’s List. I happened to read the first posts anywhere by both Mystery and David DeAngelo. This was long before they envisioned fame or fortune and just wanted to understand women. I even published articles myself to Cliff’s List a few times back then.

Prior to this discovery, at age twenty, I had been in only two long term relationships – and those two overlapped, so it’s probably where I got some of my perversions – but now I was devouring this knowledge and making these SS patterns work. So I had my awakening hyper-enthusiastic phase way back in college at UGA. I slept with a lot of girls and had multiple girlfriends and played around with radical honesty and polyamory.

Eventually I got consumed by a relationship that turned exclusive, and turned dysfunctional, but lasted nearly four years. I discovered road tripping with this girl and once we toured thirty-five states in three months. The next summer we spent a month travelling every paved road in Alaska. Auto-camping was our things as it allowed us to be virtually anywhere at anytime, on the cheap, and wake up right at our destination.

When this dissolved, I quit my job and sold my shit, left Georgia, and just started travelling the continent, sleeping in my van. I suppose I was nervous with girls at first, but I knew I would be leaving their city or state in a few days, and I knew I had nothing to lose by going for it. I was this roaming rogue, this roadside romeo, that started laying a bunch of girls and accumulating crazy stories. Added was the excitement that if I wanted my clothes washed or a restaurant meal, I knew I had to hook-up with a girl and be especially charming. It was fun and mutually rewarding for both me and the girls.

I found Fast Seduction around this time in 2005 and started posting reports there, and then later on this blog. Guys were digging them and soliciting advice and inviting me out. I liked the attention and met some nice guys. I met Style, Mystery, TD, Jlaix, and a bunch of other cats. These guys wanted me to work with them, but because of some disdain or limiting belief, I turned them down.

The reality was that this was a time when I was just excited about my lifestyle. I just liked being on the road, seeing new sites and meeting new girls. I was really thrilled when I would have a threesome or the time I made love to three new girls independently, but all in the same day. I drove out to Burning Man again that year and ended up on the west coast afterwards. I slept with a lot more girls and met many community guys.

In 2006, I partnered with a guy in LA and started doing workshops. My rule was that I wanted to teach my own original material and I did not want to prospect or solicit clients. We did some workshops in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Las Vegas. They went alright, but there was a real contempt that I had developed with a lot of community guys that I couldn’t quite identify. I knew it had something to do with putting the social above the sexual and this anger that I perceived, but couldn’t remove, from a lot of otherwise great guys.

That summer, I left the west coast and traveled across Canada visiting their National Parks. I drove from Los Angeles to Vancouver and then across British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, and back to Montreal, Quebec to spend a couple months there. This time, I reconnected with some of the girls from last year and had more amazing experiences with some new girls. I also met Johnny Soporno and Frank Kermit, did a lair talk with Cliff, and had Steve P over to my place to do some group trance inductions on a bunch of girls. Then I took my favorite girlfriend on a two month road trip through New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, and up to the corner of the continent in Newfoundland. I left Canada in November and was down in Florida by December. Then I had a couple invites from guys to come to Texas. I spent December in Dallas and then came to Austin.

This was now 2007. I did a lot of lair talks and workshops here. I also went and did a month long Spring Break on South Padre Island. After that, I came back to Austin and started going to concerts and hooking up with girls there. I was no longer into the community fad of going out to bars and clubs just to meet girls. So, now stationary, going to shows and photographing the bands became a major part of my lifestyle. I even did some workshops on “Concert Game” – unique because everyone at a show is there for the same reason and has made the same investment. I found it just as easy to pull to my van – a mobile hotel room – living in a particular city as it was when travelling. By the end of 2007, I had been so promiscuous that I felt really lucky when my STD tests came back totally clean. But inside, I felt like something was still missing because the majority of these girls were one-night stands and what I really wanted was to have quality women as a constant in my life.

In 2008, I continued going to shows and meeting women. I figured out how – through charm or wit – to get into every venue for free. I ended up talking to women less and less, but still I would often habitually go to 5+ concerts a week. By June I had stopped contributing to the Austin lair, and by July I had taken an exclusive girlfriend with whom I had a deep emotional connection.

This woman and I road tripped together for a month through the southwest and out to California and up to Burning Man in Nevada. We let both of our circles of friends just more-or-less disappear. When I say exclusive, I have to be honest and admit that I don’t really mean committed. I never gave this relationship the seriousness that it deserved. I still craved variety and novelty; I just wasn’t actively going for it. I wasn’t going to cheat, but I knew I still wanted more. The thing is, I didn't own the relationship -- I did not take a full creative passion in defending it.

She could sense my hesitation and doubt toward. This leads to resentment and dysfunction and fights. I’d insist on breaking up and even insult her thinking that she's be smart enough to leave a relationship going sour. But she’d respond by saying “No, we’re not breaking up, there is something more here that you don’t realize – potential that you don’t see – and I’m not letting you give up.” I thought she was crazy, but the insane assurance in her voice compelled me to see what was next for us.

What came next was a bitter parting. Thats is all I will say, lest people draw vastly ridiculous conclusions.

But I’m left in a period of introspection and healing. A period of transition. A time to surrender my amour.

"I'm reminded that "Healing is revealing."

Jason Savage