GoneSavage

21 Convention Last Year

2011-03-14T05:49:00.003-05:00

Anthony 'Dream' Johnson wants me to let you know that the videos from last year's presentation are up for free:

http://www.the21convention.com/2011/03/10/jason-savage-t21c-2010/

Also I would like to note that my presentation last year reflects some ideas from an ebook that I read by "Sixty Years of Challenge." Massive respect to him.

7 Erotic Stations

2011-03-13T03:42:00.002-05:00

1. Flirtation
2. Suggestion
3. Arousal
4. Seduction
5. Rapture
6. Satiety
7. Afterglow

1. Flirtation

"We can see all the elements of timing, not only rhythm but also a talent for both comedy and fashion, at work in flirtation. This is an art that relies far more on good timing that one would suppose."

2. Suggestion

"Your dreams become almost real as you swear you can taste icy strawberries crushed in your mouth, and is it because you eyes are brimming with a child's tears of delight that everything around you seems to shimmer?"

3. Arousal

"Now, as she stands in front of him, he can read the whole story in her posture, the lusty greed she has for everything in life, the indomitable energy, even the inflated estimation she has of herself that moves her toward the edge of derangement. Is it at this moment that he begins to see the future? He is perhaps startled for an instant at her directness, when she takes him by the hand, leading him toward the bed. But just as he is startled, his body responds in another way too...."

4. Seduction

"If the interest she focuses on him has an immediate effect, it is because she is not feigning fascination. She is rather, from long habit, studying him closely, with the same intense intelligence she has always turned toward life."

5. Rapture

"In her intense presence, he feels himself dissolving until, entering her mood entirely, he abandons himself to each ensuing moment of bliss."

6. Satiety

"What a sense of satisfaction he feels now as slowly she lays her lovely robe over the bedpost.... But it is not just the mechanics of what she does that has always impressed him. He has all he has longed for now, even what he never quite understood before that he wanted. It is not just that she had made him happy. He is laughing to find himself lighter than air. And she has given him a deeper pleasure too; as if reaching into the center of who he is, she has mined the gold that was deep inside."

7. Afterglow

"The reverie comes later. Perhaps he has left her sleeping so that he can walk home through the park in the cool morning. Or perhaps a few years have passed. Either way, the shadows under the trees are fresh with memory."

--Susan Griffin, The Book of the Courtesans

Transformation vs Change

2011-03-08T02:23:00.003-06:00

In the realm of personal development, you'll hear two words pretty often: change and transformation. I want to make sure you understand the difference between the two. It's not that complicated but it's sure worth distinguishing the two.

Whenever you hear the word "change", one way you can understand it is this: it refers to changing your behavior or the way you feel. It means that you alter your actions or your reactions to them.

Transformation, on the other hand, means something much more profound. When you transform, you expand your dimensions to become more of yourself. I know this probably makes no sense at all. See if you can understand it easily with these two metaphors.

Think of a square. Let's CHANGE that square. It become a rectangle. It might also become a triangle. It might also become a circle. Or even an oval. Now take the same square. This time, let's TRANSFORM that square. It becomes a cube. It becomes more of itself.

You'll also find a great example of transformation in plants. Imagine an acorn. Through its evolution, an acorn becomes a little shoot, then develops a trunk, then grows branches and leaves until it's a full-blown oak tree that in turn produces even more acorns.

Throughout the whole process, the essence of the acorn is the same as that of the shoot, the trunk, the branches, the leaves and the offspring acorns. That is to say, the acorn becomes more of itself. It transforms.

When you change, you might stop smoking. Or change your eating. Your behavior changes.

When you transform, you actually expand. And with this expansion, several patterns of behavior and feelings will as well. You become more of yourself.

--Stever Bauer

Sexual Revolution?

2011-02-24T05:25:00.002-06:00

Some stuff on my mind:

1. Thanks for Coming: One Young Woman's Quest for an Orgasm by Mara Altman.

2. Caroline Myss: Revolution, Involution, Narcissism, and Evolution

3. The current roco triple feature:

No Strings Attached

Just Go with It

Hall Pass

4. The hype over Ashley Madison.

5. Affair: How to Have Your Cake and Eat It by H. Cameron. Barnes

6. Lust in Translation: Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee by Pamela Druckerman

7. I didn't realize David Barash has written so many books...

8. A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s by Stephanie Coontz

9. Thy Neighbor's Wife by Gay Talese

10. Erotic Wars: What Happened to the Sexual Revolution? by Lillian B. Rubin

Choice vs Compulsion

2011-02-23T20:24:00.002-06:00

There is a certain flavor to a codependent relationship that might be described as 'driven' or 'intense.' There is a compulsive nature to it. The members are tied to each other almost as with an invisible rope. The slightest move in one causes a reaction in the other. The positions are rigid. Every word or thought is guarded, weighed against the other's imagined response.

How different is the chosenness of an interdependent relationship! The desire is there but not the intense need. Love, whether for a spouse, a child, a parent, or a friend, is a matter of choice. Should the choreography require, the skaters can more about with beauty and originality. Each can stretch and grow without tilting or damaging the relationship.

Robert Hemfelt, Love is a Choice

Savage postscript:

Pick-up is dominated by the compulsion of the lower three chakras, seduction involves the choice associated with the 4th through 6th chakras. I assert that all relationships (even one-night stands) that result from the intention of pick-up are codependent. Like attracts like.

Here are some traits of codependents:

1. A codependent has low self-esteem. (PUAs are notorious for lacking self-esteem and attempt to develop self-confidence -- the shadow to 3rd chakra self-esteem.)

2. A codependent is certain that his happiness depends on others. (Look at the PUA's incessant pursuit of social/sexual value.)

3. A codependent worries about things he can't change and may well try to change them. (Look at the PUA's obsession with image, identity, personality, value, and status.)

4. A codependent's life is punctuated by extremes (Look at how PUAs cycle from sexual addiction to sexual anorexia and/or social addiction to social anorexia).

5. A codependent is constantly looking for the something that is missing or lacking in life. (A PUA is defined by his sense of lack, limitation, frustration, separation, scarcity, fear, worry, doubt, anger, and attachment.)

Intention vs Desire

2011-02-22T04:40:00.000-06:00

There is a distinct difference between your desire and your intention. If you desire to return home to Kansas, you are attached to the outcome. Intention, on the other hand, is desire without any attachment to the outcome. You intend to return to Kansas, but you are no longer obsessed with the idea. Every twist and turn of your journey through Oz is no longer critical to your ultimate goal. You no longer feel the need to force solutions. By letting go of your desire and by participating with detached involvement, you open yourself up to infinite possibilities...

Joey Green, The Zen of Oz

Character vs Personality

2011-02-18T20:53:00.003-06:00

The word character is from the Old French caractere and means "imprint on the soul." The etymology of personality suggests veneer and is connected with the Latin word persona, which was a mask worn by actors. Character is revealed when our masks are removed.

It's easy to tell if you are living from character or personality: If things aren't going your way, personality pouts while character remains unruffled and learns from the experience. When you are not in psychologically or emotionally safe territory, personality panics. Character, on the other hand, rides the vicissitudes of life with even-mindedness. Personality endeavors to extract happiness from its experiences, whereas character realizes that happiness is an inherent quality of being.

Your personality has been forged by the values of the external world beginning with parental fantasies about who you are and who you were raised to become, your education, your religions, your companions, all to assure your ego's survival and protection from getting hurt. Ego is an artifact that is used to fit in, to hang out in the status quo, an agreement with mediocrity that allows you to move and groove in the world without causing too much disturbance or being too much of an irritation.

Eventually, such an existence become sterile, claustrophobic, painful. The way out is to learn how to ultimately tell the difference between your ego personality that is seeking to survive and avoid being hurt and your character that seeks to confidently deliver your talents, gifts, and skills. Remember, the ego seeks to protect the temporary personality by projecting unresolved issues such as a sense of separation from the whole, lack, and scarcity.

Michael Bernard Beckwith, Spiritual Liberation

"I'm with Cupid" Event

2011-02-10T15:20:00.005-06:00

This page is the easiest way for me to get this information to the interested guys. Also, if you have questions, email me rather than leaving a blog comment: gonesavage@yahoo.com

So, here's the deal. I'm putting together a Valentine's Weekend outing. Here are the details:

1. This is an event of camaraderie through both spirit and visual unity. We are going out as a group. We will dress as if Valentine's Day is the most amazing holiday ever. Like we invented it. We love women, we love the idea of expressing that love, and what better time to do it? Wear a red blazer, a red shirt with a black blazer, a heart necklace, etc. Have fun with your attire. This is not "peacocking" -- this is dressing the part of someone excited to be sharing a good time. This is not "dress to impress" but "dress to express."

2. The spirit of the event can be summed up in this sentence: "To have a good time, be a good time." We should look like a group of guys having a good time and sharing it. This is about giving rather than getting. You have so much fun, excitement, and pleasure to give -- it is just overflowing. Think either fun-loving trickster type or super-suave seducer type. Exaggerate it. Think Eros, Cupid, Dionysus, Casanova, Don Juan, rakes, dandies, and horny devils. Then we will go out and give fun and pleasure.

3. Bring something to give. Something simple like those 2nd grade type Valentine's cards, candy, stickers, etc. PLUS, I will also bring a box full of ideas. Things like naughty trivia cards, dirty dice, sensual lottery tickets, etc. Fun stuff. Again, the idea is to share a good time. It's up to you how much you want to give and if you want to create a playful dynamic where there is an exchange required. :)

4. The commitment fee gets you on board BOTH Friday and Saturday. We will expect to meet at 7pm sharp at Ox Social Headquarters to share ideas and do some warm-ups. We will hit the town by 10 and expect to go until 2am both nights.

5. We should end up as a group of 6-10 guys and will stick together entourage-style. We can go to 6th or 4th streets. Doesn't matter to me. If you know a particular V-Day event that we should check out, let me know.

6. The most important decisions we will ever make in life is that of our attitudes and intentions. I talk a lot about the difference between pick-up and seduction, but the number one distinction comes down to intention. Do you meet women with the primary intention of getting something or giving something? It's as simple as that. Examine your motive. Obviously there is return in it for you. No one gives ONLY to please others. You can't hold a torch to light someone's path without also lighting your own. But what I insist is this: The best way to get is to give. Add value to her life. To have a good time, be a good time. Give with no string attached. Put her first. Use your talents, resources, perspectives, and ideas to show her a good time. To me, this is the intention of true seduction. Keep this in mind.

7. Bring a camera. :)

Jason Savage

7 Lively Sins

2011-02-10T14:58:00.003-06:00

1. LUST

Lust is an expression of wanting to connect. Lust is about being curious, fearless, present, and aware. Lust is liberating. If you don’t act on a feeling of strong lust, you will actually kill your spirit.

2. GREED

Greed is an expression of hopefulness and abundance. Greed is about having drive and persistence. Greed keeps you pursuing life with an outlook of opulence and a belief that there is plenty to go around.

3. ANGER

Anger is a force that awakens your spirit into action. Anger creates a ferocious energy that can be channeled into the ability to follow truth and create a path to positive change. Anger stimulates productivity and growth.

4. PRIDE

Pride is about fully appreciating the rewards of your inspiration, aspiration, and perspiration. Pride is about self-respect, self-love, and self-reward. Focus on your talents and flaunt them.

5. SLOTH

Sloth is the pursuit of peace, relaxation, and rejuvenation. You have to slow down and let loose to gain clarity and make the best choices. If you work hard to achieve success, but don’t take time to enjoy it, then what’s the point?

6. ENVY

Envy allows you to find your true desires. Envy awakens you from your programming and creates a drive for improvement. Surround yourself with people that have what you crave to inspire you to get what you want.

7. GLUTTONY

Gluttony is about having a passion for all of what life has to offer. Gluttony gives you the positive energy to try new experiences. Laughter, learning, love, food, sex and travel -- you want to taste it all.

Karen Salmansohn, The 7 Lively Sins

7 Sins for a Life Worth Living

2011-02-10T14:40:00.003-06:00

1. The Pleasure of All Five Senses

"Not just our eyes, but all of our senses are losing the original savor of first-hand experience. We live in an ocean of smell but smother it in detergents, disinfectants, and artificial perfumes. Millions wear little white earphones and hear only faintly the sounds of the living world they are passing through. We are becoming out of touch with the earth we live on, and fast. We need to come to our senses before we lose them."

2. The Pleasure of Being Foolish

"Being the fool is not the same as acting the fool; you can't decide to be playful, or foolish, for an hour a day, as if it were yet another task to add to your campaign of self-improvement. It's rather the result of a relaxation of the rules and goals that you normally run your life by. A softening of the beliefs that hold up your world and your idea of who you think you are. The pleasure of foolishness lies in large part in the absence of self-consciousness; in the self-forgetting that comes in a moment of abandon."

3. The Pleasure of Not Knowing

"The fact that we can never see the whole picture doesn't mean we don't bother to form any personal intention -- it acknowledges that our intention is best served by an open, attentive mind, one that is receptive and cooperative with the larger forces of life around it, whatever they may be. Then life can be what it is, a mystery, and not just an agenda; a mystery that is constantly revealing itself, and of which we are a part, instead of an agenda we have to laboriously work through. Life as revelation is a pleasure indeed."

4. The Pleasure of Not Being Perfect

"Not being perfect allows us to feel empathy and compassion, not just for ourselves but also, and especially, for others. We see our own frailties and shortcomings in our friends and lovers, or we see that they stumble in their own way just as we do in ours. Not being perfect together joins us in our humanity. That's a good feeling, that we're all in this impossible, crazy life together, and that in large measure it will take us where it wants to go."

5. The Pleasure of Doing Nothing Useful

"We each in our own ways have an agenda. We are all lobbyist for our own cause, our own opinions, aspirations, status, or career. While there's nothing wrong with getting ahead, whatever that may mean, it can also be an enormous relief now and then to lay down our own cause and enjoy wherever we find ourselves on its own terms."

6. The Pleasure of Being Ordinary

"Whether you look at an object or a person, the beauty is in the looking, not in the value or in the cheekbones. It is almost impossible to look upon any human face and feel a dislike for the person. The sheer looking reveals the individual instead of the stereotype. It replaces liking or not liking with an affinity for another living being, and that is always a pleasure."

7. The Pleasure of Coming Home

"When you have spent much of your life wanting to be other than where you are, or wanting conditions to be somehow different from what they are, it comes as a relief to begin to know the pleasure of feeling at home, both in yourself and in the world."

Roger Housden, Seven Sins for a Life Worth Living

Joy vs Happiness

2011-02-10T02:51:00.002-06:00

Happiness is defined as 'a happening of chance, luck, fortune.'

Joy is defined as 'an exultation of the spirit, gladness, delight, the beatitude of heaven or paradise.'

That's quite a difference! Happiness is always short-lived. We are constantly chasing after this experience; we think that we should be happy -- after all, isn't the pursuit of happiness guaranteed to us in the Bill of Rights? But happiness comes at the whim of fortune. No happiness can be kept permanently.

So ask yourself this question: Do you want happiness, which is luck or fortune? Or do you want joy, which is the beatitude of paradise?

Robert A. Johnson, Ecstasy: Understanding the Psychology of Joy

Egotism vs Narcissism

2011-02-08T22:43:00.003-06:00

In common parlance, narcissism is often used as a synonym for egomania or excessive self-regard. In psychological terms, however, egotism and narcissism can be very different things. Egotists are preoccupied with themselves to an extreme degree. Their self-importance is unshakable, so much that it generally allows them to disregard reality.

Narcissism, on the other hand, springs from an opposite relationship to the self: Not self-involvement, but a disconnection with oneself. The key to understanding the Narcissus myth is not that he fell in love with himself, but that he failed to recognize himself in his own reflection. In other words, true narcissists are not self-aware. A real narcissist is dissociated from his or her true self; he feels haunted by chronic feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and self-loathing and seeks to replace that disconnection with a sense of worth and importance fueled by others. Narcissism is also marked by a profound lack of empathy, a fundamental inability to understand and connect with the feelings of others.

Furthermore:

1. Narcissists often develop attractive or persuasive social skills to help them maintain the personality they have constructed to get what they want from the world.

2. Because their sense of true self is so flimsy, narcissists are masters at creating ways of getting what the do need to exist: Positive feedback and stroking from others.

3. To protect his flimsy self-esteem, and avoid the pain of the inadequacies he constantly feels, the narcissist creates a pseudo-self, an idealized version of himself, and consciously or unconsciously projects it out to others to prime that continual stream of admiration and desire.

4. Instead of pursuing real intimacy, however, narcissists tend to seek out high-arousal situations that allow them to bask in the love and attention of the people around them.

5. Narcissism is not a byproduct of celebrity, but a primary motivating force that drives people to become celebrities.

Drew Pinsky, The Mirror Effect

Savage's postscript:

Pick-up is the self-centered pursuit of attraction, attention, and validation. It involves vanity, entitlement, and exploitativeness. Often the attention of other men is more validating than actually connecting with women.

Seduction is the self-empowered gifting of intimacy, passion, and pleasure. It involves empathy, positive regard for oneself, and positive intention for others. High self-esteem is required to find the key to a woman's fantasies and seek to make them come true. It is about generosity, giving unselfishly, and helping women realize their sensual and sexual potential.

Seducers don't think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less. They (quietly and without fanfare) put the interests and pleasure of women first. PUAs do not.

Hero vs Celebrity

2011-02-08T02:15:00.004-06:00

Fame does not equal greatness.

1. The hero was a human figure who had shown greatness in some achievement. He was a man or a woman of great deeds. The celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. He is the human pseudo-event.

2. Heroes were men and women of great purpose. Celebrities are receptacles into which we pour our own purposelessness. They are nothing but ourselves seen in a magnifying mirror.

3. Heroes were made from virtue and value. Celebrities are made by simple familiarity, induced and re-enforced by public means. Their chief claim to fame is their fame itself. They are notorious for their notoriety.

4. The hero was distinguished by his achievement; the celebrity by his image or trademark.

5. The hero created himself; the celebrity is created by the media.

6. The hero was a big man; the celebrity is a big name.

7. The hero was born of time: His gestation required at least a generation. The celebrity, on the contrary, is always a contemporary.

8. The hero was made by folklore, sacred texts, and history books; but the celebrity is the creature of gossip, of public opinion, of magazines, newspapers, and the ephemeral images of movie and television screens.

9. The dead hero becomes immortal. He becomes more vital with the passage of time. The celebrity even in his lifetime become passé: he passes out of the picture.

10. Heroes standing for greatness in the traditional mold tend to become colorless and cliché. The greatest heroes have the least distinctiveness of face or figure. Celebrities, however, suffer from idiosyncrasy. They are too vivid, too individual, to be polished into a symmetrical Greek statue.

11. While heroes are assimilated to one another by the great simple virtues of their character, celebrities are differentiated mainly by trivia of personality. To be known for your personality actually proves you a celebrity. Thus a synonym for 'a celebrity' is 'a personality.'

12. If someone does a heroic deed in our time, all the machinery of public information -- press, pulpit, radio, and television -- soon transform him into a celebrity. If they cannot succeed in this, the would-be hero disappears from public view.

13. In our world of big names, curiously, our true heroes tend to be anonymous. In this life of illusion and quasi-illusion, the person with solid virtues who can be admired for something more substantial than his well-knownness often proves to be the unsung hero: the teacher, the nurse, the mother, the honest cop, the hard worker at lonely, underpaid, unglamorous, unpublicized jobs. Their virtues are not the product of our efforts to fill our void. Their very anonymity protects them from the flashy ephemeral celebrity life.

Daniel J. Boorstin, The Image (1961)

Presence vs Charisma

2011-02-07T04:58:00.003-06:00

Someone with presence imparts a feeling of substance, a confidence that is reassuring, at home with itself. That's a nourishing feeling for those in the vicinity, whereas charisma can feed off people. Presence extends energy outward, but charisma draws energy toward itself from others.

When we are present, we have a natural grace, however large or small we may be, just as the elephant has grace in its way and the gazelle in another. All animals have presence, and from them we can assume that this is the usual property of a body whose occupant is home.

Roger Housden, Seven Sins for a Life Worth Living

Sensation vs Materialism

2011-02-06T03:02:00.004-06:00

When society chose to follow the erratic footsteps of the degraded Bacchus instead of the joyful dance of Dionysus, it began to confuse materialism with sensation.

At first glance, I suppose, our society looks terrible sensation oriented -- the flashing neon signs of Broadway, the almost naked bodies on billboards, our obsession with food and exercise. Originally, perhaps, we want these things for the pleasurable sensations they give us. But after a while we develop a craving for sheer quantity and lose sight of quality all together. So it seems that we are materially oriented, and that is a fine distinction to make. We want more things -- more cars, more money, more clothes, more drugs, more fun -- but we're frightened of touch, of making real contact with another person.

Craving spiritual ecstasy, we mistakenly seek material fulfillment. We chase after a phantom, and when we catch it -- in the form of more money, more food, more sex, more drugs, more drinks, more oblivion -- we find that we have been chasing ephemeral happiness when we should have invited lasting joy.

Robert A. Johnson, Ecstasy: Understanding the Psychology of Joy

Bouncers vs Splatters

2011-02-05T01:40:00.002-06:00

Not everyone responds to discouragement in the same way. In regard to discouragement, there are two kinds of people in the world: splatters and bouncers.

When splatters hit rock bottom, they fall apart and stick to the bottom. Bouncers hit rock bottom, pull themselves back together and bounce back up.

The question is: Are you going to give up or get up? It’s a choice.

John Maxwell, The Difference Maker

Humility vs Modesty

2011-01-26T23:25:00.005-06:00

Humility is inwardly-directed. Modesty is outwardly-directed.

Modesty is pretentious; the apparent lack of concern is just a facade that betrays tremendous concern for the opinions of others.

"Modesty is the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it." -- Oliver Herford

Modesty consists of deliberately belittling one's own ability and accomplishments for the opportunity of receiving praise from others.

Humility, is acknowledging your intrinsic self-worth while not drawing unnecessary attention to yourself. You're humble; you neither eulogize your virtues, nor do you make yourself out to be worthless. It does not mean refusing to recognize your strengths, talents, and skills. It means that while you declare your strengths, you also acknowledge your weaknesses.

Humility means being authentic, while acting modest implies being inauthentic. It is no accident, then, that we use the verb "act" when we talk about modesty.

"Perfect humility dispenses with modesty." -- C. S. Lewis

Power vs Force

2011-01-25T22:03:00.005-06:00

1. Power arises from meaning. It has to do with motive, and it has to do with principle. Power is always associated with that which supports the significance of life itself. It appeals to that part of human nature that we call noble -- in contrast to force, which appeals to that which we call crass.

2. Force must always be justified, whereas power requires no justification. Force is associated with the partial, power with the whole.

3. We could say that force is a movement -- it goes from here to there (or tries to) against opposition. Power, on the other hand, is still. It's like a standing field that doesn't move.

4. Force is incomplete and therefore has to be fed energy constantly. Power is total and complete in itself and requires nothing from the outside. It makes no demands; it has no needs.

5. Because force has an insatiable appetite, it constantly consumes. Power, in contrast, energizes, gives forth, supplies, and supports.

6. Force is associated with judgement and makes us feel poorly about ourselves. Power is associated with compassion and makes us feel positively about ourselves.

7. Force always creates counterforce; its effect is to polarize rather than unify. Because force incites polarization, it inevitably produces a win/lose dichotomy; and because somebody always loses, enemies are created.

8. Force is concrete, literal, and arguable. It requires proof and support. The sources of power, however, are inarguable and aren't subject to proof. The self-evident isn't arguable.

9. Force is seductive because it emanates a certain glamour, whether that glamour is manifested in the guise of false patriotism, prestige, or dominance; conversely, true power is often quite unglamorous.

10. One characteristic of force is arrogance; power is characterized by humility. Force is pompous; it has all the answers. Power is unassuming.

11. Force often relies upon rhetoric, propaganda, and specious arguments to garner support and disguise underlying motivations. One characteristic of power, though, is that is needs no defense; it's self-evident.

12. Power attracts, whereas force repels. Because power unifies, it has no true enemies, although its manifestations may be opposed by opportunists whose ends it doesn't serve. Power is service to others, whereas force is self-serving.

13. Through its insistence that the ends justify the means, force sells out freedom for expediency. Force offers quick, easy solutions. In power, the means and the ends are the same, but ends require greater maturity, discipline, and patience to be brought to fruition.

14. Force is the universal substitute for truth. The need to control others stems from a lack of power; just as vanity stems from a lack of self-esteem.

15. Power is what makes you go strong, while force makes you go weak. Love, compassion, and forgiveness, which may be mistakenly though of as submissive by some, are, in fact, profoundly empowering. Revenge, judgemental ism, and condemnation, on the other hand, inevitably make you go weak.

David Hawkins, Power vs Force

Savage postscript:

It should be evident that pick-up is force. Seduction -- the gifting of pleasure, arousal, intimacy and intensity as a service to others -- is power. Seduction -- as I teach it -- comes from a place of high self-regard, empathy, awareness, and appreciation.

Pleasure vs Gratification

2011-01-25T05:00:00.002-06:00

Because the ways of enhancing them differ, I divide the positive emotions into three kinds: those directed toward the past (satisfaction, contentment, pride, serenity), the future (optimism, hope, confidence, trust, faith) or the present.

The positive emotions about the present divide into two crucially different categories that I call the pleasures and the gratifications.

The pleasures themselves comprise bodily pleasures and higher pleasures. The bodily pleasures are momentary positive emotions that come through the senses: delicious tastes and smells, sexual feelings, moving your body well, delightful sights and sounds.

The higher pleasures are also momentary, but they are set off by events more complicated
and more learned than sensory ones, and they are defined by the feelings they bring about: ecstasy, rapture, thrill, bliss, gladness, mirth, glee, fun, ebullience, comfort, amusement, relaxation and the like.

The gratifications are the other class of positive emotions about the present, but unlike the pleasures, they are not feelings, but activities we like doing – reading, rockclimbing, dancing, good conversation, volleyball, or playing bridge, for example. The gratifications absorb and engage us fully, they block self-consciousness, they block felt emotion (except in retrospect –
‘Wow, that was fun!’), they create flow, a state in which time stops and one feels completely at home.

The gratifications cannot be obtained or permanently increased without developing the strengths and virtues. Happiness is therefore not just about obtaining pleasant, momentary subjective states. Our strengths and virtues are the natural routes to gratification, and the
gratifications are the routes to what I conceive the good life to be: using your strengths and virtues to obtain abundant gratification in the main realms of life.

A meaningful life adds one more component to the good life: using your strengths and virtues in the service of something much larger than you are.

Finally, a full life consists in experiencing positive emotions about the past and future, savoring positive feelings from the pleasures, deriving abundant gratifications from your signature strengths, and using those strengths and virtues in the service of something larger to obtain meaning.

Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness

Trust vs Belief

2011-01-24T01:22:00.002-06:00

Trust is personal; belief is social. Trust you have to grow in; belief you can remain in, and belief can be imposed on you. Drop beliefs.

Never believe. If you cannot trust it is better to doubt, because through doubt, someday or other the possibility of trust will arise.

Trust is the greatest intelligence. Why don't people trust? Because they don't trust their intelligence. They are afraid....

Osho

Rock Logic vs Water Logic

2011-01-22T06:50:00.006-06:00

A rock is solid, permanent and hard. This suggests the absolutes of traditional thinking (solid as a rock). Water is just as real as a rock but it is not solid or hard. The permanence of water is not defined by its shape.

A rock has hard edges and a definite shape. This suggests the defined categories of traditional thinking. We judge whether something fits that category shape or not. Water has a boundary and an edge, which is just as definite as the edge of a rock, but this boundary will vary according to the terrain.

Water will fill a bowl or a lake. It adapts to the terrain or landscape. Water logic is determined by the conditions and circumstances. The shape of the rock remains the same no matter what the terrain might be. If you place a small rock in a bowl, it will retain its shape and make no concession at all towards filling the bowl. The absolutes of traditional thinking deliberately set out to be circumstance-independent.

If you add more water to water, the new water becomes part ot the whole. If you add a rock to a rock, you simply have two rocks. This addition and absorption of water logic corresponds to the process of poetry, in which new images become absorbed in the whose.

We can match rocks by saying this shape 'is' or is not' the same as another shape. A rock has a fixed identity. Water flows according to the gradient. Instead of the word 'is' we use the word 'to.' Water flows 'to' somewhere.

In traditional (rock) logic we have judgements based upon right/wrong. In perception (water) logic we have the concepts of 'fit' and 'flow.'

The concept of 'fit' means: 'Does this fit the circumstances and conditions?' The concept of 'flow' means: 'Is the terrain suitable for flow to take place in this direction?' Fit covers the static situation, flow covers the dynamic situation. Does the water fit the lake or hole? Does the river flow in this direction?

Truth is a particular constellation of circumstances with a particular outcome. In this definition of truth we have both the concepts of fit (constellation of circumstances) and of flow (outcome).

In a conflict situation both sides are arguing that they are right. This they can show logically. Traditional thinking would seek to discover which party was really 'right.' Water logic would acknowledge that both parties were right but that each conclusion was based on a particular aspect of the situation, particular circumstances, and a particular point of view.

We must note that we are so immersed in our rock logic system that water logic will at first seem so pragmatic that 'anything goes' and there is no way of making judgements or getting a decision. This is not so at all. Water will not flow uphill or against the gradient. The behaviour of water is well defined and so is the behaviour of water logic.

Edward de Bono, I Am Right You Are Wrong

Water Logic leads to:

*constructive thinking instead of destructive thinking
*exploration instead of argument
*design instead of analysis
*ideas instead of information
*concern for the future instead of obsession with the past
*operacy (taking action) instead of knowledge
*creative thinking instead of critical thinking
*perception instead of (linear) processing
*wisdom instead of cleverness (perception is the basis of wisdom)

PS. Pick-up is rock logic. Seduction is water logic.

Pleasure vs Altruism

2011-01-20T02:34:00.005-06:00

In the book Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman, the authors reveal research that demonstrates that our brain has both a distinct 'pleasure center' and 'altruism center.'

1. "Unlike, say, the parts of our brain that control movement and speech, the pleasure center and the altruism center cannot both function at the same time: either one or the other is in control."

For the record, the 'centers' are named:

pleasure = nucleus accumbens
altruism = posterior superior temporal sulcus

2. "The nucleus accumbens is, evolutionarily speaking, one of the most primitive parts of the brain, one that has traditionally been associated with our 'wild side': it's the area of the brain that experiences the thrill of going out on a hot date, that sparks a sports fan' s exuberance when his team pulls out a last minute victory, and that seeks out the excitement of Las Vegas. Scientists call this region the pleasure center because it is associated with the high that results from drugs, sex, and gambling."

3. "At it's most extreme, the pleasure center drives addiction. A drug like cocaine, for example, triggers the nucleus accumbens to release dopamine, which creates a feeling of contentment and ecstasy. The reason cocaine is so addictive is that the pleasure center goes into overdrive and the threshold for excitement climbs higher and higher."

4. "Now, compare this reaction with our neurological reaction to altruistic behavior.... [where the] posterior superior temporal sulcus lights up. This is the part of the brain responsible for social interactions -- how we perceive others, how we relate, and how we form bonds."

5. "It is as if we have two 'engines' running in our brains that can't operate simultaneously. We can approach a task either altruistically or from a self-interested perspective. The two different engines run on different fuels and also need different amounts of those fuels to fire up. It doesn't take much to fuel the altruism center: all you need is the sense that you're helping someone or making a positive impact."

Yes. Now let me combine this with my own perspective -- how I relate to sex and seduction -- and what I teach.

First of all, I don't feel a compelling need to pursue sex. I love sex, and, I am really good at it. And with minimal attention-getting effort on my part, opportunities come to me. Read my article "Appreciation vs Desire." I appreciate sex immensely, while releasing the need to pursue it. I call the shared-appreciation of pleasure, sensuality and sex "seduction." I call the self-interested pursuit of pleasure, sensuality, and sex "pick-up."

Furthermore, I see the pursuit of anything as inherently needy. While I appreciate pleasure and novelty, I am truly neither a pleasure-seeker nor a novelty-seeker. Perhaps I am just lazy, but I prefer things to come to me. I state this preference, and things do come. Indeed. I do not get off on pursuit. I do not experience a "thrill of the chase." I do not eroticize conquest. I prefer to "order in" rather than "go out and pick-up."

Second, I see sex and seduction as tremendous gifts. With me, sex is the gift of my energy, confidence, esteem, enthusiasm, talent and skill. With me, seduction is the gift of intensifying desire and/or arousal. Absolutely I get a sense that I am "making a positive impact." I have always had the perspective of giving and sharing. I want to show her what's possible. I want to blow her mind. I want to take her higher than she's ever been.

Sex is generally a very neutral act for me. What turns and encounter from good to great is always what I have to give. It is always my own energy, my own intention, my own intensity. This is what I bring to the bedroom. These are my gift and I give selflessly. My intention to give is independent of partner, position, location, technique or tone. For example, I can be quite dominant and in control and still give. I am, in fact, giving the gift of that tone, that intensity. The flavor may be unique -- we all have different tastes -- but the dish always contains generosity. And it is always served hot.

Third, I am fine with being a woman's drug. I attract the pleasure-seekers, and that's fine. Use my body, my brain, and my ability as the tools they are. I will awaken your senses. I will excite your mind and ignite your body. I will create rapture, ecstasy, bliss, and any other dopamine-induced state. My ability to do this has as much to do with my perspective -- that I am altruistically giving a valuable gift -- as it does with erotic intuition or sexual skill.

A huge part of Sexual Excellence is learning the appreciation of sexuality from a place of high self-esteem and apparent abundance. Sexual Excellence is about moving away from the self-centered pursuit of pleasure. This has everything to do with motivation and intention. Your 'pleasure center' will go crazy while in the act; enjoy it. The question is, what is your motivation to get there? And what is the process that you choose?

Jason Savage

Pleasure vs Happiness

2011-01-19T04:19:00.002-06:00

Philosophers and spiritual leaders have debated the value and nature of pleasure for centuries, often comparing it to its more abiding sibling, happiness. The two are related, of course, but most of us, from saint to sinner, have never doubted which of the pair would make the best honeymoon companion.

Happiness is often said to be a "gift for making the most of life" or "enjoying the simple things."

Pleasure is a hedonic reflex, a burning impulse to abandon rational thought altogether and immerse oneself in the moment.

Happiness is an abstraction, constructed from our social and moral identities -- a carefree stroll on the beach, 2.3 children and a white picket fence, a sense of accomplishment.

The pleasure instinct, like the survival instinct, is pure biological imperative fueled by an ephemeral reward so fevered and beautiful with desire that it can drive us to extraordinary lengths.

Happiness is a Norman Rockwell painting hanging over your fireplace on a cold winter's eve.

Pleasure is the warmth and aesthetic beauty of the flames, the heat beating on your skin.

Gene Wallenstein, The Pleasure Instinct

Appreciation vs Desire

2011-01-18T01:43:00.009-06:00

Desire could be characterized by focusing on what you want, but don't have. Pornography is a prime example of this type of activity, though rather extreme. Focusing on wanting anything, is defining yourself in a state of lack. Desire becomes its own reward, as there is a chemical release in the body that can be felt and measured. This release of hormones in the body is not dependent on the completion of the desire; in fact, desire seems to identify with not having, but wanting the experience.

Appreciation is a higher form of Second Chakra consciousness. Instead of focusing on what you don't have, you learn to take delight in what is available. Here the consciousness focuses on that which is being experienced and appreciation courses through the entire body.

David Pond, Chakras for Beginners

Further, from GS:

Pick-up = the pursuit of pleasure and sex (assumed state of lack)
Seduction = the appreciation of pleasure and sex (assumed state of abundance)

Thus pick-up becomes an endless quest because the search for pleasure is never satisfied. You're chasing the horizon. Seduction is an awareness of one's pleasure during an experience. This is the skill of recognizing any given moment as pleasurable and entering the sensation with a sense of appreciation.

From a learning standpoint, this becomes:

Pick-up = learning the process of pursuit.
Seduction = learning the process of appreciation.

I am careful to remind students that both are learned activities. You have a choice of which to learn. Using the word process implies that there is action involved and an "end" to be reached. The action of pick-up takes on the tone of manipulation from a sense of lack. The action of seduction takes on a tone of appreciation from a sense of abundance. The "end" of pick-up is endless desire, endless pursuit. Pleasure is never enough. The "end" of seduction is essentially the appreciation of appreciation. Pleasure is its own reward.

Another contrast I make in my workshops is the difference between Esteem and Confidence. This is a Third Chakra distinction. Self-esteem is essentially a belief in one's worthiness. Self-confidence is a belief in one's ability. Both have everything to do with perceived power.

Pick-up is concerned with self-confidence: How to be effective, competent, and powerful. How to gain prestige, status, and value. There is always that central theme of pursuit (because the belief is that one lacks power).

Seduction is concerned with self-esteem: Recognizing deservedness, worthiness, and integrity. Appreciating pleasure, sensation, and creativity. There is no concern with "how to get" such things because they are recognized as already there, automatic, and in the moment (because the belief is that one already possesses power).

The tone of the Second Chakra (pick-up vs seduction) and the tone of Third Chakra (confidence vs esteem) is most readily influenced by the Fourth Chakra (fear vs love). The aim of the heart chakra is to experience love. It's the drive to both give and receive love, both personally and non-personally, both physically and non-physically. The heart chakra manifests as compassion and care, and also anger and frustration. Does your heart desire or appreciate? The effect on one's sexuality is obvious: to pick-up is revealed as an act of scarcity, and to seduce is revealed an act of abundance.

One more distinction that I love to teach is Charm vs Magnetism. These are qualities that I see as the combined energies of two adjacent chakras that form a spiral of energy concentrated in different places in the body. Charm is the interplay between the Fifth and Sixth Chakras and Magnetism is an interplay between the Second and Third Chakras. They are not mutually exclusive, but we generally notice people as being more animated in their upper body or their lower body.

I consider the highest manifestation of the meeting of the Fifth Chakra (the throat -- communication and choice) and the Sixth Chakra (the mind/third eye -- knowledge and perception) to be expressed as a person's charm and charisma. Here we have a person who is delightful, persuasive, and pleasing to be around in a social context.

In the lower body, I consider the highest manifestation of the meeting of the Second Chakra (the genitals -- sexuality and creativity) and the Third Chakra (solar plexus -- emotion and power) to be expressed as a person's magnetism. Here we have a person who is alluring, enchanting, and entrancing in a sexual context.

Notice that both are forms of seduction. They are both seductive. That is, they are both qualities of being, not pursuits.

The difference is that the charming/charismatic person's attraction is primarily social and the magnetic person's attraction is primarily sexual. The charming person is known for his ideas, his perspective, and his way with words. The magnetic person is known for the way he moves, the way he looks at you, and the way his presence draws you closer.

Charm vs Magnetism is also influenced by the Fourth Chakra, though this is a matter of aim, not tone. Both can emanate the compassion, fullness, and joyfulness of the heart chakra. It's just that charm is aimed at the mind and magnetism is aimed at the genitals. Charm comes from and attracts the upper body; Magnetism comes from and attracts the lower body.

The Fourth Chakra influence manifests as such: Social charm combines with compassion to create altruistic love; Sexual magnetism combines with compassion to create romantic love. The charming person is not only social, but often quite altruistic. The magnetic person is not only sexual, but often quite romantic.

Jason Savage

PS. You don't have to believe that chakras are true energetic centers as part of the body's spiritual anatomy. These distinctions still have meaning. Seen only as a metaphor, you can still realize the different shades of awareness and intention that people express constantly through their actions.

PPS. The meta-distinction is that it is quite charming to talk about these distinctions, yet it is extremely magnetic to live them.

Awareness vs Experience

2011-01-18T01:20:00.000-06:00

The word experience comes from the Latin experientia, meaning "to try," whereas the word aware comes from the Greek horan, meaning "to see."

Experience implies participation in an event, whereas awareness implies observation of an event. The two words can normally be substituted in an ordinary conversation without much damage, but they are differently inflected. One gives us the sense of being engaged, whereas the other gives us a sense of being cognizant of that engagement. One denotes reflection while the other denotes the thing being reflected. In fact, awareness can be thought of as a kind of experience of our own experience.

Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness

Guilt vs Shame

2011-01-15T10:35:00.003-06:00

Shame is different that guilt. Guilt involves beliefs that we're hurting others, while shame involves beliefs that we're exposed and unworthy in the eyes of others. Guilt arises when we reject others; shame when we feel rejected by others. As sexual excitement is incompatible with guilt, so is it incompatible with shame....

In general, if we dislike ourselves or expect others to do the same, it is difficult to feel worthy of feeling either sexual desire or sexually desirable.

Michael J. Bader, Arousal

Anxiety vs Fear

2011-01-13T18:05:00.004-06:00

Fear is what kept our primitive ancestors alive in a hostile world. They had no time to wonder or ponder. They had a minute, maybe two, to make the life-or-death choice: 'Should we fight or should we run?' Adrenaline flooded their bloodstreams, adding speed, energy, strength. Their veins and arteries constricted simultaneously to slow the bleeding if they were wounded. Their pulses quickened, their bodily defenses stiffened. This physical response to a clear and present danger was fear -- the same fear we depend on to save our own lives.

Today, most of what we call 'fear' is something else. It is anxiety, a response not to danger itself but to anticipated danger. The cave dweller was rightly concerned about being some creature's breakfast on the spot. What he felt was real fear. When we worry about something that might happen later -- when we say, 'I just know I'm going to fail!' -- that's anxiety. When the brakes in your car stop working on a hill, what you feel is fear. When you worry over what you will say at a meeting next Tuesday, that's anxiety -- and anxiety is a lot more agonizing that fear.

Fear usually ends with the event: The car stops, the fear is over. Anxiety, on the other hand, can be endless.

Why do I emphasise this distinction?

I do because your body often does not.

Have you ever noticed how your body reacts when you're anxious? Quickened pulse. Sweaty palms. Dry throat, just as if you were face-to-face with a creature who wanted to gobble you up for breakfast! Anxiety is so frustrating: All that energy, and nothing to do with it. You can't run or fight, because there's nothing to run from, nothing to fight. You sit with a knot in your stomach, anticipating danger.

What I did not understand when I was younger is that worry, whether prompted by fear or anxiety, is an expression of nervous energy, and, as such, is potentially helpful, healthy, and good. The greatest heroes, the most successful and triumphant people, worry. The difference is that they do something about it: They worry well.

--Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course

Late Bloomers vs Prodigies

2011-01-13T01:48:00.002-06:00

On the road to great achievement, the late bloomer will resemble a failure: while the late bloomer is revising and despairing and changing course and slashing canvases to ribbons after months or years, what he or she produces will look like the kind of thing produced by the artist who will never bloom at all.

Prodigies are easy. They advertise their genius from the get-go. Late bloomers are hard. They require forbearance and blind faith.

Prodigies rarely engage in open-ended exploration. They tend to be 'conceptual'... in the sense that they start with a clear idea of where they want to go, and then they execute it.

But late bloomers tend to work the other way around. Their approach is experimental. Their goals are imprecise, so their procedure is tentative and incremental.

This is the final lesson of the late bloomer: his or her success is highly contingent on the efforts of others.

--Malcolm Gladwell, What the Dog Saw

Intelligence vs Intellectuality

2011-01-11T15:26:00.003-06:00

To be intellectual is to be phony; it is pretending intelligence. It is not real because it is not yours, it is borrowed.

Intelligence is the growth of inner consciousness. It has nothing to do with knowledge, it has something to do with meditativeness. An intelligent person does not function out of his past experience; he functions in the present. He does not react, he responds. Hence he is always unpredictable; one can never be certain what he is going to do.

--Osho

Rapture vs Ecstasy

2011-01-10T09:20:00.003-06:00

Rapture means, literally being "seized by force," as if one were a prey animal who is carried away. Caught in the talons of a transcendent rapture, one is gripped, elevated, and trapped at a fearsome height. To the ancient Greeks this feeling often foretold malevolence and danger -- other words that drink from the same rapturous sources are rapacious, rabid, ravenous, ravage, rape, usurp, and surreptitious. Birds of prey that plunge from the skies to gore their victims are known as raptors. Seized by a jagged and violent force, the enraptured are carried aloft to their ultimate doom.

Ecstasy also means to be gripped by passion, but from a slightly different perspective: Rapture is vertical, ecstasy horizontal. Rapture is high flying, ecstasy occurs on the ground.

For some reason, the ancient Greeks were obsessed with the symbol of standing and relied on that one image for countless ideas, feelings, and objects. As a result, a great many of our words today simply reflect where or how things stand: stanchion, status, stare, staunch, steadfast, stature, and constant. But there are also some unexpected ones, such as stank (standing water), stallion (standing in a stall), star (standing in the sky), restaurant (standing place for the wanderer), prostate (standing in front of the bladder), and so on. To the Greeks, ecstasy meant to stand outside oneself. How is that possible? Through existential engineering. "Give me a place to stand," Archimedes proclaimed in the 3rd century BC, "and I will move the earth." Levered by ecstasy, one springs out of one's mind. Thrown free of one's normal self, one stands in another place, at the limits of body, society, and reason, watching the known world dwindle in the distance (a spot standing far away).

Diane Ackerman, An Alchemy of Mind

A Month in Turkey

2010-11-05T15:36:00.015-05:00

Adding details...

Sunday 8-29-10. The bus from Varna, Bulgaria to Istanbul, Turkey took ten hours; plus it took us another three hours by metro, tram, and commuter train to get from the otogar (bus station) to the hotel that Jonathan had booked online. This would be the first of many long bus rides that I would take in Turkey, but I did not know that at the time. For the record, I did not even want to go to Turkey at all -- it was Jonathan's pick. So, I was already pissed-off going somewhere that I never wanted to go, and a long, uncomfortable bus ride gave me plenty of time to dwell on it. The one hour stop at the border and the 20 Euro visa that we had to purchase did nothing to boost my morale. I don't know how anyone slept on the bumpy ride, but Jonathan managed to sleep the whole time. I did not sleep at all.

Monday 8-30-10. It was around 9am -- too early to check into the hotel -- so we set off to the Topkapı Palace, the residence of Ottoman sultans between 1465 and 1856. Today it is one of the most visited museums in the world. For 20 TL ($15) you can get lost in the crowd and see artifacts including the staff of Moses and the Spoonmaker's Diamond -- which some guides call the largest diamond in the world. No photos are allowed inside the palace. We then got lost in the crowd at the Grand Bazaar. This is the oldest and largest closed bazaar in the world. It has been in operation since 1461 and features 60 streets and 36,000 "stores." It's mostly souvenirs, trinkets, spices, jewelry, and knock-off name-brand clothes. Here began my fascination with the Nazar.

Tuesday 8-31-10. First we went to the Blue Mosque (aka the Sultan Ahmed Mosque) and the Sultan's tomb. We then walked around the Hippodrome of Constantinople, which today is just a park. The park does contain several stolen relics from past conquests. These include the Serpent Column (from Greece), the Obelisk of Tutmoses III (from Egypt), and the Walled Obelisk. Closer to the Grand Bazaar is another landmark called the Burnt Column. Then we took a tram and walked up a steep hill to the Galata Tower. This impressive tower is 62 meters tall and was built in 1348. This is the best place to take in a view of the Bosphorus which is the strait of water separating Europe and Asia, while connecting the Black Sea to the Sea of Marmara (which connects to the Aegean Sea) If you didn't know, only 3% of Turkey is in Europe, while the other 97% lies in Asia. Furthermore, Istanbul is the only city located on two continents. After the tower, we took a 1.5 hour boat tour of the Bosphorus. This tour does not make any stops, but from the boat, you can see places such as the Dolmabahçe Palace on the European side and the Beylerbeyi Palace on the Asian side. You can also see, from a distance, the tiny Maiden's Tower marking the entrance to the Bosphorus.

Wednesday 9-1-10. Jonathan and I decide to part ways for one week. He wants to go see a girl that we met in Kiev, Ukraine who is now vacationing with her mother down in Marmaris in southwestern Turkey on the Mediterranean coast. After the lackluster resort town of Golden Sands, Bulgaria, I'm not in the mood for the beach nor do I want to tag along while my friend attempts to hook up with this girl. So we decide to go separate ways and meet back in Istanbul in one week. After much deliberation and seriously considering an expensive organized tour, I decide to just wing it. So I pay 50 TL ($38) for a bus ticket to Nevşehir, which is the gateway to a region in central Turkey called Cappadocia. The bus ride took twelve hours.

Thursday 9-2-10. At 9am I arrive in Nevşehir. As soon as I get off the bus I am approached by a tour guide. This was serendipity that I took for granted at the time. I figured there would be tour guides hustling in other cities, but that turned out not to be the case. After some negotiating, we settled on a price of 250 TL ($188) which would include two days of touring (over 400 kilometers of travel), lunch both days, staying in a cave hotel that night, the bus to my next destination the next night, plus an arrangement with a tour guide in the next city. It turned out to be well worth the expense. The tour of Cappadocia was to become the absolute apex of the entire trip to Europe -- and here I was, in fact, in Asia. So, let the Cappadocia tour begin. First, we drive to Göreme to check into my cave hotel and pick up four other tourists. This dry region is known for its thousands of pillars and "fairy chimneys" (in the US we call them hoodoos) of sedimentary rock. For thousands of years, people have been carving into the fairly soft rock to make homes and churches. The many cave hotels in Göreme are just a continuation of this tradition. In that first day of touring, we saw nine separate destinations between 10am and 6pm. These included the panorama in Göreme, a three kilometer walk through the Rose Valley to visit stone-carved churches, a panorama and lunch in the Pigeon Valley, the carvings and panorama in Ürgüp, plus visits to the Imagination Valley (where lots of stone formations look like animals) and the Love Valley (where lots of stone formations look like dicks). We also toured Konak Seramik, a factory where they make fancy pottery to sell to tourists with money. Besides the sites, the highlight of the day was eating fresh grapes right off the vine. Despite it having not rained here since May, there are grapes, apples, and pumpkins all over the area.

Friday 9-3-10. The second day in Cappadocia began at 9:30 am when I was picked up for the tour. We drove about 45 minutes to the Selime Castle where a monastery was carved into the stone over a thousand years ago. Then we drove to a panorama known as the "Star Wars movie place" where some scenes were filmed for the original Star Wars. Then we hiked three kilometers through the Ihlara Valley. Walking this lush stream was quite a contrast to the desert of the previous day. I saw lots of butterflies, ducks, trout, frogs, lizards, and even a river rat. The stream was surrounded by pistachio trees, walnut trees, and blackberry bushes as well. We stopped at one stone church to admire the frescoes. This is one of 700 known churches in the valley! During the Roman times, these stone churches were where Christians practiced their religion in secrecy. We made a brief stop at the volcanic crater lake called Nar Lake and then onward to the main destination of the day: The Derinkuyu Underground City. We saw about 10% of over 100 tunnels that were carved in the 8th century BC and occupied until the 5th century AD. Here some 40,000 people lived at one time -- completely underground -- along with their livestock. Everything they needed was underground including stables, cellars, churches, and schools. That concluded my two days in Cappadocia. I am glad I went on the organized tour -- there is no way I could have seen so many places on my own -- even with a car, a guide book, and a better understanding of the Turkish language. At least in Cappadocia, where the sites are so spread out, getting on an organized tour is a necessity. That night I caught a ten hour bus from Nevşehir to Denizli.

Saturday 9-4-10. In Denizli, I caught a one hour mini-bus to Pamukkale. This is a World Heritage Site known for its hot springs that form enormous travertines of calcium carbonate. The guides call them "frozen waterfalls" and "cotton castles." It is indeed impressive to look up and see an entirely white hillside. The ancient Greek city of Hieropolis was built on top of the hill in the 2nd century BC. The tour that I paid for began in the necropolis of Hieropolis, covered a lot of area and history, until we had walked to the top of the theatre. This one held a capacity of 15,000 people. I came to find out that there are more ruins of Greco-Roman era cities in Turkey than there are in either Greece or Italy. I didn't know it at the time, but Hieropolis would be the first of several that I would visit. Onward from the theatre is the "Antik Pool" in which you can swim in crystal clear water over fallen marble columns. The history of Hieropolis combined with the beauty of the travertines, makes Pamukkale quite a fantastic destination. We waded down through the warm waters of the natural terraces and had a nice buffet lunch. That evening I caught a 4.5 hour bus to Bodrum on the Aegean Sea.

Sunday 9-5-10. Arriving late in Bodrum, I asked around until I found a cheap hotel. I started my morning with a visit to the Bodrum Castle, built between 1405 and 1523. The castle today houses the artifacts of the world's largest museum of underwater archaeology. Thoroughly impressed by all the amphoras and other relic from various shipwrecks, I was off to find the Mausoleum of Hallicarnassus. In antiquity Bodrum was know as Hallicarnassus. The tomb was built around 350 BC for the king Mausolus. The finished structure was identified as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, and this is also how we came to use the word mausoleum to mean any grand tomb. However, all that remains today is rubble. Huge chunks of impressive rubble, but rubble nonetheless. (All of the cool stuff was carted off to the British Museum long ago.) The third site of distinction in Bodrum was the ancient theatre, this one accommodating a capacity of 13,000. Fascinating to think that something built in 300 BC is still being used for its original purpose. I then set off to visit what was on my map as "Tiger Tower," but after hiking there I found that it was an army base complete with armed guards. Oh well. Time to catch a bus to Izmir.

Monday 9-6-10. Last night I arrived in Izmir just in time to catch the bus to Selçuk; this was five more hours of travel time. Selçuk is the modern day city just three kilometers from the ruins of Ephesus: the second largest city in the world circa 1 BC (Rome was the largest). Today it is one of Turkey's top tourist destinations. First stop for me was the Ephesus Museum. Standout artifacts include many statues of gods and emperors and two magnificent depictions of the "goddess of the hunt" Artemis. Ephesus was indeed a place where Artemis was worshiped by a cult following, where she was depicted in a more Egyptian style -- legs together, arms outstretched, with dozens of accessory breasts. But the real highlight of the Ephesus Museum was a little figurine artifact, only about 8 inches tall of the Greek fertility god Priapus, also attributed to the Egyptian god Bes. You may know that Priapus was the ugly, impotent god with the huge, always hard dick. In fact, priapism is a condition where you get some kind of painful permanent erection. Anyway, all around Ephesus, and even other parts of Turkey, this little figurine is celebrated by the cult of souvenirs -- little guys made of plastic, plaster, or stone, all sporting big hard dicks. I developed a minor obsession with the character and bought several Priapus souvenirs myself. Onward to the Ephesus site itself, I join the crowd of tourists marveling at the Library of Celsus and the largest ancient theatre in Turkey (this one holding 25,000 people). Finally, outside of the crowded ruin-site of Ephesus, I locate the Temple of Artemis. Completed in 550 BC, this is another one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. In fact, of the seven wonders, two are in present-day Turkey, and I visited the ruins of each. The ruins here are even less impressive than the rubble of Halicarnassus. Of the original 127 columns, only one remains -- and it's just a bunch of unmatching pieces stacked together. At any rate, the temple was destroyed back in 356 BC by one Herostratus who was determined to be famous at any cost. This is why when someone proudly commits an atrocious act for notoriety, he is said to have "herostratic fame." Done with Ephesus, I was off on another seven hour bus ride to Çanakkale.

Tuesday 9-7-10. To conclude the only week I intended to travel solo -- and the only week I intended to travel Turkey -- I was going to wrap it up in Truva, the modern name for the ancient city of Troy. To get to Troy, I had to take a cheap dolmuş (shared taxi) 30 km from the port city of Çanakkale. Troy is another World Heritage Site, as nine different ancient civilizations have been unearthed at the archeology location. To the casual visitor, they all look pretty much the same -- piles of rubble. So it is no wonder that someone built a huge wooden model of the Trojan Horse to entice tourists. It's pretty cool, you can even climb inside. (By the way, the time of the Trojan War would have taken place during the civilization known as Troy VII.) After I wrapped up my visit, I had to wait a couple hours for the dolmuş to return. I ended up reading an entire book on Heinrich Schliemann the original archaeological excavator of Troy. Back in Çanakkale, I sought and found the other Trojan Horse model -- this one is the actual prop from the 2004 film called Troy (yes, the one with Brad Pitt). Spent the night in Çanakkale, with a 4.5 hour bus ride ready for morning.

Wednesday 9-8-10. From Çanakkale, the bus boards a ferry over the Dardanelles onto the Gallipoli peninsula. It was a rare daytime bus trip, and I was working on a speech for the upcoming Morten Hake Summit in Norway. I had just received confirmation as a presenter. Jonathan and I were communicating through email. He had returned to Istanbul and checked into a hostel in the Taksim district. He did not tell me the name of the hostel. So, when I got back, I went to the only area I knew --where we had stayed prior -- in the Sultanahmet district. As soon as I got back, I was reminded of the main reasons I hated Istanbul: the crowds. And they were worse than ever considering it was now a major holiday. The Muslim month of fasting, Ramadan, was at its end and it was now time for the three-day celebration called Eid ul-Fitr. Any large-scale holiday can also be called a bayram, which amounts to a huge public party which closes many businesses and seems to have everyone in the streets. I wandered around and admired the fireworks and how they lit up the mosques. As secular as Turkey seems to the visitor, it is important to remember that the population is 99% registered Muslim.

Thursday 9-9-10. I went to the Taksim district, which seemed like the largest group of people I have ever seen in one place. It was not an organized event either -- like a concert -- it was just a dense mob of people walking the streets. Made no sense to me. I ended up briefly going to the Hagia Sophia. From 360 until 1453, this building was a church. From 1453 until 1934 it was a mosque. Since then it has become one of the most visited museums in the world. I skipped out and ended up at the less crowded Istanbul Archaeology Museum. Now this I should have had a great appreciation for after touring the country a bit. Yet I was rather disappointed because most of the artifacts are things taken from other places, like Egypt or the Orient. I walked back to the hostel and still could not coordinate with Jonathan. I had this speech that I needed to work on ASAP. So, I made a decision: I was going to get the hell out of Istanbul and go back to Pamukkale. There I could get some writing done. No crazy holiday crowds. And for the price of a cramped, smelly hostel in Istanbul, I knew I could get a private room with wifi down in Pamukkale. I emailed Jonathan my plan and was off to the otogar again. Paid my 50 TL ($38) and settled into another ten hour bus ride.

Friday 9-10-10. I took a coach-bus to Denizli, then a mini-bus to Pamukkale, arriving at 7:30am. Found a hotel for 15 TL ($11). I was also just in time to catch the once-daily ride to Aphrodisias. This was not an organized tour like I did in Hieropolis, I simply met a guy who drove a van 1.5 hours out there, gave you three hours for sightseeing, and then drove you the 1.5 hours back. Only $15 to see the ruins of a city that had been the cult following of the goddess of love, beauty, and sexuality? I couldn't let that opportunity pass. It was a beautiful day, and it was down in Aphrodisias that I really fell in love with the Greco-Roman sites. This was my fifth site after Hieropolis, Ephesus, Halicarnassus and Troy (though Troy wasn't much to look at), and I began noticing how the specific remains made each site unique. For example, in Aphrodisias, the temple (of Aphrodite) was the focal point of the town and much of it was still intact. Aphrodisias had a small theatre (7,000 capacity) but an enormous stadium (30,000 capacity). I was realizing that every ruin site was incredibly unique. Plus the museum was top notch, with many spectacular statues and reliefs. Great place, great day. I went back to Pamukkale to get some writing done and I learned something else that I did not find out on my first visit: The hot springs and travertines are open 24 hours! At night they light up the whole white hillside and you can go bask in the 35 °C (95 °F) water any time, day or night. How sexy is that?

Saturday 9-11-10. Today I had a relaxing day -- did some writing, ate a gözleme, and tried ayran (a disgusting yogurt-based beverage that tastes like buttermilk). I watched some teenagers sneak up the steep hillside of Pamukkale to the hot springs and pools at the top. I know there is a lot of security up there acting as lifeguards, blowing their whistles when anyone gets close to the edge. (Which is often because it makes for the best pictures.) Anyway, I've decided to just brazenly walk up where there is no path. Here I am in a red t-shirt and black shorts hiking up a bright white hill. I get to the top -- half-expecting some authority figure to be waiting for me -- but the coast is clear. Score! Just saved $15 right there. Took some nice pictures of the beautiful sunset. The best part about today is that I got so much writing done on this speech, I feel that I can continue traveling (seeing more and more sites) and still arrive in Norway prepared. No problem. Where should I go next?

Sunday 9-12-10. I decided to go to Fethiye on the Mediterranean Sea, and I caught the bus at 9am. This was a scenic, mountainous five-hour ride. Got to Fethiye and started walking; ended up at a small museum. Checked out the artifacts from several nearby archaeological sites and got a map. I'm off to the "blue lagoon" --a place billed as the nicest beach in Turkey -- aka Ölüdeniz. Whoa. This place is full of people from the UK. I would later read that 600,000 Britons come to this beach every year, but at the time of my arrival I had no idea. Apparently I had landed smack-dab in the middle of the Turkish Riviera. Everything here is in English, the food is quite expensive (compared to other places in Turkey) but good, and paragliding is certainly popular. I'll tell you what's not expensive -- the "excursions." I had no idea about these because I don't spend a lot of time in resort towns. Basically they are organized trips that turn out to be really cheap because they take so many vacationers out at once. I knew I only had one day -- the next day -- so I picked the Dalyan tour. It sounded like the most bang-for-your-buck. In retrospect, I should have stopped right here -- instead of going further east -- and taken advantage of all the cheap excursions. I could have toured Tlos, Patara, and Myra (home of Saint Nicholas) with ease and delight because of these organized excursions. I could also have gone on a jeep "safari," rafting, or paragliding for super cheap. Plus it was only one of about three places in Turkey that I discovered had any nightlife. Of course, eveyone thinks I'm from England -- but who cares.

spell check failed. :(

9-13-10 Dalyan tour, bus to Antalya
9-14-10 Antalya museum, Aspendos, bus to Konya
9-15-10 Mevlana Tomb and Museum, Konya Musuem, bus to Silifke
9-16-10 Cennet-Cehennen, Kizkalesi, Korykos Castle, Mersin, bus to Malatya
9-17-10 bus to Adiyaman, Mt. Nemrut tour
9-18-10 bus to Diyarbakir
9-19-10 Diyarbakir Castle, bus to Van
9-20-10 Van Lake, Van Castle
9-21-10 bus to Dogubeyazit, Mt. Ararat, Isak Pasa Sarayi
9-22-10 eleven hour bus ride to Trabzon
9-23-10 Ayasofya of Trabzon, Sumela Monestary fail, bus to Samsun
9-24-10 bus to Yozgat, Hattusa fail, bus to Ankara, Antolian Civilizations Museum, eleven hours to Didim
9-25-10 Didim, Temple of Apollo, Miletus, Priene, bus to Kusadasi
9-26-10 Kusadasi Castle, Ephesus, Izmir, Bergama
9-27-10 Bergama Akropol
9-28-10 bus to Istanbul, Miniaturk, Maiden's Tower, Rumeli Fortress fail
9-29-10 Rumeli Fortress, flight to Stockholm

Romania & Bulgaria

2010-09-07T18:28:00.016-05:00

My visit to Romania lasted from Monday, August 16th until Monday, August 23rd when we arrived in Bulgaria. We stayed in Bulgaria until 8pm Sunday, August 29th, arriving in Istanbul, Turkey around 9am on Monday, August 30th. I then ended up spending a whole month exploring all regions of Turkey.

Romania

Bucharest, Romania. After spending eleven days in Kiev, Ukraine we took an expensive cab to the airport. The plane was delayed by several hours making our cab ride useless -- we could have just taken the Metro at a fraction of the cost. In Bucharest, a good friend and member of the Amorati met us at the airport. He had us set up in the Golden Tulip Hotel. It was a nice contrast coming from the various slum hostels in Kiev. We were treated to big beds, free Internet, a huge breakfast buffet, and a bathtub. The bathtub was a rare and relished luxury. However, the water was quite brown. Not suitable for drinking, but fine for baths. Bottled water is available all across the city for drinking and is quite cheap.

My time in Romania is mostly a blur. I was dealing with depression. I think it was partly from leaving behind missed connections in Kiev. At any rate, I slept through an entire day. Tourist attractions were minimal, and the highlight was visiting the Palace of the Parliament. This is the world's second largest building (the Pentagon is the first) and we supposedly saw 7% of it on a guided tour. Anyway, the building displays the opulence of the now-hated Communist dictator Nicolae Ceauşescu.

I remember that we went out on Thursday night and had a decent time, I also remember that we did not go out on Friday at all. Jonathan and I were both rather asocial for the most part. We went out on Saturday and had quite a workshop. Took our Amorati friend and one other student to the mall, then about the city in the evening, then nightlife. I remember how much the smoking in the bars and restaurants sucked. That night I spent some time talking to the bartender at this cute little dive bar. We kissed and chatted and she had some shit to deal with in relation to her husband, so I gave her my email, and I went back to the hotel.

The next day I get this email from her:

Hi. I just wanted to say I am sorry now that I said no last night, but it was a pleasure to meet you... and I loved your kisses... have a good day and trip to Bulgaria...

We then have the following email exchange. This was over a period of several hours, the whole day really. Also keep in mind that English is not her native tongue:

Me: I miss your kiss too. I have no phone. :( Tell me a time and place to meet.

Her: Hey, to meet where? I thought you would be in Bulgaria today?

Me: I am leaving in the morning. I have tonight at the Golden Tulip. Where is the place we should meet today?

Her: I am working today also... it's too bad you don't have a phone to call when I finish so we can talk where to meet... because today the answer is yes :P... if you can come to the bar tonight, we can talk and see how it goes....

Me: Give me a time and place and I will show up.

Her: This is the thing... I don't know when I will close... this is why I told you to come at the bar tonight and then we will see...we can stay here or go some place else... close to this area... I will make sure that my husband stays home tonight so I can enjoy you ...

Me: What are you doing right now before work?

Her: Come to the bar tonight and we will solve it somehow... PS. I am so wet!

Me: You have no idea all the delightfully dirty things that I want to do to you. Did you read my blog, is that why you are so wet? :)

Her: Yes, and it's also because you have a very sexy attitude.

Me: Are you able to reply? The Metro is closed, and I will have to take a cab. I would like to know you are there before I make that investment.

Her: I'm here waiting for you.

At midnight I take a cab over there. The place seems busy for a Sunday, but then, what do I know about Sundays in Bucharest? She's sitting with a group of guys that look at me conspiratorially. They know what's up. She still has work to do. Bars are open later than I would have guessed. I ended up talking to two gay guys for about two hours. These two guys (one was American and one was Italian) were there on vacation and currently meeting a third guy that they had contacted on the Internet. The guy shows up, everyone hits it off, and it looks like a threesome is underway for them. My bartender girl closes up shop and it's now her and seven guys (me, her three guy friends, and the homo threesome). She keeps giving us all shots. Fancy, creative shots that taste like apple or cherry. She's having us guess the flavors. She later admits that she was using her generosity and creativity to impress me. Awww.

She finally gets everyone out and tells me that her husband is home after all. He just got a new tattoo and is recovering. I figure we're going to just do it at the bar, but she takes me to a local park instead. We walk for a bit, then sit on a park bench, and I have her climb on top. Skirt up, condom on, panties to the side. She's facing me, feet flat on the bench, bracing herself by gripping the bench over my shoulders. She's got a nice little rhythm going, nice eye contact, and she can take me in deeply in this position. I then pick her up and fuck her standing, holding her ass, so she is completely lifted off the ground. I then sit her on the bench and fuck her missionary, never removing my cock through all these transitions. I finally pull out because I want to taste her. I move to go down on her and she tells me no because of "Bloody Mary." There was actually no blood, but I acknowledge the request and decide to finger fuck her instead. Like any sexually open woman who values her own pleasure, she joins in by rubbing her clit. We both make quite a team working her pussy and clit hard until she has an intense and obvious shuddering orgasm.

We hug and kiss, then I'm back in her for a bit pumping slowly; she's super-sensitive after her climax. I tell her that I would like to feel her mouth around my cock. I sit on the bench and she squats between my knees. She's hungrily sucking away, and it's feeling great. She tells me not to bust in her mouth. A bit disappointing, but I can oblige. Here was a girl who was actually good at oral and I could have come, but was holding back because of her request. To get myself off, I picked her up, put another condom on, bent her over the bench and fucked her doggy style. "Bloody Mary" had indeed arrived by the time I came. She was a bit worried about the condom breaking, so I showed her that it was intact and full of my seed. Huge smile. Feminine ego satisfied that I had an orgasm too, we sat together on the bench, cuddled, and talked for an hour or so.

This is the debrief: Her first impression of me was that I was rude. On Saturday, she had asked (in Romanian) if I would like to order something and I tersely said "English." She then asked (in English) if I would like to order something and I tersely said "no." She then went and complained to her Romanian friends. I just sat down with Jonathan and two other girls. However, I noticed that the only other girl in the bartender's group was a girl that I had met when I was out on Thursday night. I kindly walked over and politely said what's up to her and introduced myself to the group. I didn't know any of the stuff had been going on with the bartender complaining about me to her friends, but apparently they started saying to her stuff like "he's not such an asshole."

I sit with them and I am mostly chatting with the drunk guys in the group. The bartender is sitting there grumpy -- pissed at me or her immediate reaction to me -- but she makes eye contact once in awhile. I think she's sexy. Anyway, later that night, she got up to go to the bar, I was already up, we made intense eye contact, so I grabbed her, pinned her to the wall, and we kissed. The rest is history.

Also in the debrief I learned that she is 29. She's known her husband for ten years. They both fuck other people. They have a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. She was a web-cam girl for seven years. Her husband was "sick" those years and that is how she (alone) paid the bills. Some resentment was showing. She told me she loves gangbang porn. She told me about her one failed lesbian experience and how she really wants to be with girls, but feels awkward approaching them. By this time she was getting texts from the husband like "I find it hard to believe you are still at the bar this late." So, she had to go home and I had to catch a bus to Bulgaria the next day.

She asked me to blog about her. I hate writing "love reports," but found the request charming. So, here it is -- over two months later.

I asked her to email me ten things that she liked most about me and one thing she did not like. A fairly standard request that I make because I like the feedback. This is what she said:

I am still wondering if that was for real or not... I don't want to make a list with 10 things I liked about you, but I want to tell you this... you got me really horny with your attitude... and you are a very good kisser... and the night with you was a top top top experience... and you are very very very very cute... I hope that in this life I will meet you again... because maybe somehow I hope I deserve this... and there is not one thing that I didn't like about you... I loved your kisses and your lips... and you have a great cock... when you get back in Texas I hope I can show you more on my webcam... (Monday, August 23, 2010)

That was one of the sweetest emails ever, and if you look at it that is 9 or 10 things right there after all. Also one week later, she sent this:

Hi, I will send you some pics as soon as I have a little time home alone... I was thinking right now that I wish I could have one more night with you... it was the sexiest night ever for me... very passionate... kiss... (Monday, August 30, 2010)

Bulgaria

We decided to go to a resort town on the Black Sea in Bulgaria. Mainly because we did not sell a single workshop spot in the capital of Sofia, and we were both ready to get away from major cities. We had two real options -- both looked pretty cheap -- those were Golden Sands, 17 km north of Varna and Sunny Beach, 35 km north of Burgas. Both looked decent on the Internet. Golden Sands was closer to Romania, and I was hoping it was going to be so badass that I would write a "GS in GS" post, so we went with Golden Sands.

We took a coach bus to a border town. We took a taxi to the border. We crossed the border on foot. We got a woman who worked at the Bulgarian duty free shop to call a "taxi." A guy rolls up in a regular car -- I am pretty sure it was just her husband -- but he drives us (at ridiculous speeds) all the way to Golden Sands for 50 Euros. We check into our hotel. The place is so cheap, we ended up actually getting separate rooms for the whole week. Nice enough place, but no bathtub.

Anyway, the city was nasty. Lots of litter and filth. Expensive food, lots of casinos, and high cover charges at over-hyped clubs. Turned out to be more of a family-oriented resort town than we expected. At least during the day. The exception of course was the plentiful streetwalkers that come out at night. These were ordinary "girl next door" types that come to the coast to work the tourists for the summer. It is seasonal work; they go back to their hometowns and families the rest of the year. Since prostitution is legal is Bulgaria, the girls and their pimps are all over the place. No hiding, no shame.

Our time in Golden Sands was tremendously uneventful. Laid on the beach some, laid in the hotel even more. Slept a lot, read a book, ate lots of junk food. That Wednesday, I walked down to the beach at 4am. Some clubs were still going, but I just wanted a bite to eat.

I got a doner kebab -- the last one I will ever eat.

I ended up getting such severe food poisoning, that even just thinking about it now -- two month later -- is having a real physiological effect.

To be honest, I've always been a little suspicious of those big racks of unidentifiable meat, just spinning there all day. And not just the meat on the spit, but all the shavings, grease, and toppings that just lay there at the bottom, in the intense heat, with flies crawling all over the mass of foodstuff. At 4am, I definitely should have thought twice. But there I was, hungry, so I bought a doner kebab and had it loaded with spices. Dude was like, "oh you like it spicy? You'll like this, and this" piling on crushed red pepper and two different hot sauces. Fuck.

It hit hard. Between like 8am and 11am, I threw up over ten times and had run to the toilet with diarrhea at least twenty times. It was really gross. Such a horrible experience. I had all this spicy pepper sauce, and chunks of cabbage and onion, coming up through my nose. The peppers fucking burned my sinuses. Not just that, but I had also eaten two bags of gummy bears and gummy cola bottles too. On the way back out, this made such a colorful sticky syrup that just slowly oozed out of my face after each regurgitated spew.

Just the sight and the smell was enough to make me vomit... well, vomit more, I suppose. I kept going back to the bed and just as I fell asleep, I had to get up for more heaving. Finally, I slept for like 15 hours straight. Then I just felt like shit. My teeth and face hurt, I felt really weak like I had a fever.

Good thing I had my own room though. No one else needed to see that mess or me in that state. I can't imagine how embarrassing such a barfpary would have been at some random hostel with a bunch of people in the place.

After that I was pretty much done with Bulgaria. Not a good energy there. The funny thing is, once we took a cab to Varna -- a bigger non-resort city also on the coast -- things seemed nice. The girls were nice, the weather was nice, the city was beautiful, and there was not trash everywhere. But that was our last day and we had just a few hours to spare before catching the bus to Istanbul.

We decided to pay a cab driver 30 Euros to take us to and from this place called Pobitite Kamani, or the "Stone Forest." It's a place with hundreds of upright limestone concretions formed as a result of an underwater paleo-hydrocarbon seep system during the Eocene Epoch. It's like a petrified reef in which you're surrounded by these towering rock formations. Of course, such a place is said to be an "energy center."

And the energy was different indeed. Nearly three month into our trip, this was the most significant turning point.

For one, I felt I had just cheated death. As insignificant as food poisoning may be to the extent of a person's life, you know that when you are in the middle of it, you are having a near-death-experience. So, fully recovered, I was over any depression, in full health, and on top of the world.

Second, aside from a brief visit to an island in Helsinki months earlier (which we visited to participate in a cultural event anyway), this was the only destination that was specifically related to nature. You know, outdoors, away from cities, away from crowds, off the beaten path, and just a badass natural wonder.

I loved it. I was immediately reminded of how "at home" I feel in the US national parks. Few people know this, but I have been to all the national parks in the lower 48 states. I have also been to the vast majority of the national monuments, national memorials, national historic sites, etc. Probably about 300 sites total that required over four years worth of road trips. At any rate, being in Pobitite Kamani, I realized that visiting such sites was exactly what was missing from the European adventure.

It was there that I realized that wandering around major European cities, meeting new people, talking to girls -- and even getting laid, whoopie -- did not justify the time and expense of being in Europe.

It was there that I was reminded of how much I really love proper travel and tourism. Trying to squeeze as much activity into the daylight hours. Passing out from exhaustion and determined to get up at a decent hour to do and see more.

It's not a vacation -- not a working holiday -- not wandering around meeting girls. Not staying up all night hanging out with locals, drinking, then sleeping through entire days. Not seduction. Not pick-up. Not teaching. Not integration. Not trying to learn all the nooks and crannies of a metropolis.

Just travel. Getting lost in history and geology and archeology -- at least as much as you can as a tourist. A wanderer. I'm into seeing new things, plain and simple. Natural and cultural wonders. I also like the luxury of having a plan and changing it. The luxury of getting lost.

As such, I ended up setting off on my own for a month of solo travel in Turkey. This is me in the Stone Forest:

For the Record...

2010-08-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

European Tour Update

2010-08-20T07:43:00.005-05:00

Helsinki -- Was a bust. A very expensive one-day excursion from Tallinn arriving June 26th and leaving June 27th. It was the first destination that we didn't get to ascend a tower/platform to view a city. The irony is that we stayed at a hostel inside the 1952 Olympic Stadium, famous for its 72-meter viewing tower, which is only closed like two days a year, one being Midsummer -- the day we went. We took this boat out to an island to see the bonfire, which was either cancelled or heavily delayed because of the rain. Back to Stockholm.

Amsterdam -- Flew to and spent four nights, July 15th thru 19th, having been invited by Zan and Hans to assist with the Ars Amorata Experience. The entire visit was consumed by this intense, immersive event (plus associated nightlight). While it was great to connect with the guys, we did not do a single touristic thing. Not one museum, monument, or tower. Not one step into the red-light district. The most interesting things I remember are the widespread use of bikes as transportation and the Febo automatiek restaurants selling deep-fried crap. Back to Stockholm.

Brussels -- Flew to and spent four nights, July 24th thru 27th, primarily training with Zan and Hans for the Way of Approaching tour plus conducting the first workshop under this partnership. Got to do some touristic stuff like seeing Mannekin Pis and going to the viewing platform inside the 102-meter Atomium built for the 1958 World's Fair. Culturally, what I remember most is the schizophrenia created by every single thing being written in both French and Dutch and the distinct lack of pretty girls (apparently they all went to the beach for the summer).

Cologne -- Took the train into Germany and had a one night stop, arriving July 28th and leaving the 29th. Went to the top of the Cologne Cathedral. This one is 157 meters tall with a viewing platform at 97 meters. Otherwise, all I remember is a hostel with a bar and that bar filled with smoke. I met a cool Russian girl there, so there was no reason to go out.

Berlin -- Seven days, July 29 through August 4th. Stayed with a cool Amorati guy. Talked at a lair meeting and held a workshop for four guys. It was a great success until we generously extended the workshop to include going to a club, and of course, we couldn't get into any of these trendy places as a group of six guys. :) Went to a park with a substantial remaining length of the Berlin Wall plus to the top of the Fernsehturm, the tallest structure in Germany. The total height is 368 meters and the viewing platform is at 203 meters. My girl from Stockholm arrived for the last four days in Berlin and I finally did an appropriate amount of tourism. Highlights were the Holocaust Memorial, Checkpoint Charlie, and a tour of the 1936 Olympic Stadium. We ate lots of Chinese food and of course tried the currywurst. Berlin strikes me as a "poor but sexy" kind of city with lots of residual tension because of its past. It is the kind of city that you'd really have to commit to living in if you want to know it's secrets. To learn anything more than what you'd read in a tourist guidebook, I think you'd really have to move there.

Kiev -- Flew in on August 5th. Spent ten days there. Favorite city so far besides Stockholm. Densely populated city, lots of pretty girls, lots of greenspace, plenty to do and see. And it's cheap. Took a one-hour boat tour on the Dnieper River for like $4. Explored several old churches including the belltower at St Sophia Cathedral and the Monastery of the Caves where you can see mummified bodies of saints that date back to the 11th century. Stayed right next to Independence Square, checked out the People's Friendship Arch and visited the Museum of the Great Patriotic War which features this badass 62-meter tall Motherland Statue. Also spent some time at the really popular sandy river beaches including Hidropark. There are really only two drawbacks that I found to Kiev. One is that people really don't know English at all, unlike most other European cites. And two is that the police like to stop you for silly arbitrary reasons and expect you to pay an "administration fee" (aka bribe). Kiev would have been a great place to have gotten an apartment and stayed for awhile.

Odessa -- Is a major seaport on the Black Sea. On August 13th, we took a nine hour train ride down, saw some statues and old buildings, and took a nine hour train ride right back to Kiev. Did not even spend the night. We mainly just wanted to say that we saw something on the Black Sea, as we did not have time to travel to the famous resort towns. We made it back in time for our Kiev workshops and I am glad we did as it was one of the best yet.

Currently we are in Bucharest. More to come.

Ars Amorata European Tour

2010-07-27T05:46:00.003-05:00

Event Registration

Tallinn, Estonia

2010-06-27T08:57:00.006-05:00

Spent four nights in Tallinn, Estonia. The weather was mostly dreary. I caught a cold, so I was constantly blowing snot and much less social than usual.

Tallinn is a tourist hotspot. Very well-preserved and friendly for international visitors. Huge groups of Japanese tourists, no less. A nice place to visit, for sure.

The women seemed friendly enough, though hot women seemed less frequent than in Riga or Stockholm. Several women I approached turned out to be prostitutes. This had not been the case in the other cities.

There is longstanding tension between the Estonians and the Russians. They share a bloody history. Look it up. At any rate, it's the Russian women who like to flirt. Even if married or "taken" they still engage in friendly flirtation. The Estonian women are far more standoffish.

The hostel that we stayed at was run by a bunch of young Australian dudes. It was the loudest, most boisterous hostel yet. Seemed more like a frat house.

We went with a group of twenty or so from the hostel to a Midsommar party in the old prison. It was an informal gathering with cheap beer, music, and a bonfire. Not many people were in attendance, but it was a great celebration nonetheless because of the eerie setting.

Riga, Latvia

2010-06-22T01:40:00.005-05:00

Took a fifteen hour cruise across the Baltic Sea to Riga, Latvia. Spent one night on the ship and two in the old port.

The first thing you notice is that this is a culture that likes to drink. As you hit Latvian water, there is a sizable liquor store that opens on the ship selling cheap bottles of alcohol. Supposedly in the summer Swedes will even go to Riga and straight home as a two-day "booze cruise." There are two nightclubs on the ship, plus a bar-lounge.

So, compared to Stockholm, food is a bit more expensive. Clothes are considerably more expensive. But alcohol is much much cheaper. And everywhere.

They love beer here, but I think they love shots more. There are shot bars, "welcome shots" at the hostel, and special prices when you buy like five or seven shots for your group. I tried a couple new things. One was some apple-cinnamon shot, and my favorite was Piparu, this really hot pepper liquor.

Here is a much slower paced life. The city is very quiet, people don't rush about like Stockholm. You can visit all the major landmarks in one day. My two days here were quite cold and rainy, which no doubt put a damper on social opportunities.

I'll tell you this much. The culture has trust issues. There is a much greater police presence than Stockholm. Money is always exchanged on a little tray, never hand-to-hand. When you buy something in a store, you put your money on the tray, and you get your change the same way. I was told that when you give someone a knife or scissors, it is always done the same way. Never hand-to-hand.

This may seem silly, but it is another small trust thing. Stockholm and Riga both love candy. So many varieties in so many places. The thing is in Stockholm, there are these bins with the candy just laying there in the open. No wrapper, and no lid. In Riga, the candy is similar, but it is individually wrapped and in bins with lids. There you go.

But here are my first impressions of the women of Latvia. First, Riga lacks the obvious quantity of beautiful women that you see in Stockholm, but there are a few stunners. There is a greater variety of body types, hair styles, etc. I noticed a lot of really tall women. They wear more makeup. More wear glasses. I don't think contacts are normal here at all.

Women seem a bit friendlier than in Stockholm. The catch is that their English is far worse. Those who open up will reward you with intelligence and sarcastic humor. A lot of women I met turned out to be married or engaged, but at least they were sociable.

Anyway, I'd like to be able to say more about the women, but my short stay here was mostly spent intimately with a girl from Germany. :)

A couple more quick things about Riga:

--This is not a city with a sophisticated public transportation system like Stockholm. Cars are a big deal. I even saw a billboard for a 24hr "McDrive."

--Yes, McDonald's is here, but that's it. Even Burger King is in Stockholm. One interesting thing is that the BigMac is the only 2-patty burger on the menu. No double-cheeseburgers and certainly no double-quarter-pounders.

--You can get porno mags in the grocery stores. And there are 1-900 type numbers advertised on television that feature full nudity and girl-on-girl action.

--The symbol of the city is the cat. There are stray cats all over the old port. There always seems to be an old lady nearby trying to lure one in with some food. But the feral cat remains as aloof and withdrawn as the women in Stockholm.

--Pictured here is Riga's Cat House. "The story behind this unique architecture tells of its Latvian owner who was denied membership in the powerful Great Guild; to show his displeasure, he built two cat sculptures on his roof with their backsides facing the Guild and their tails straight up to finish the insult."

There you go.

Stockholm, Sweden

2010-06-20T04:06:00.010-05:00

Just spent 10 days in Stockholm. What have I learned?

First of all -- yes -- there are many beautiful girls in Sweden. But that does not mean they are friendly, sociable, or down for whatever. Sexy does not mean sexual. Anytime you hear of a place with a reputation for the "the most beautiful" anything, this should arouse suspicion. Here is a society based on appearance and superficial values. There is a lot of social and sexual baggage here.

I've met more cold/antisocial women in Stockholm than anywhere I've ever been. I've been outright stonewalled by girls. I can approach with warmth and affinity and in return I get no eye-contact, no acknowledgement of any kind. Yes, there are exceptions. But it seems to be a challenge finding them.

The beautiful women here know they are beautiful. They know the value of their looks. People here seem obsessed with conformity. This is one of the most socially uniform places on the planet. Swedes like to blend in. They like their social circles. They hesitate to let anyone new inside. There is no incentive for them to be warm and friendly. Affinity, even politeness, is not part of their cultural identity.

I think this accounts for most of the defensiveness. The extreme reservation comes from a fear of vulnerability. If you take a chance and open up, suddenly your whole life could change. It's not the gradual courtship you see in America. It's not the "let's have fun and see where things go" ambiguity of America.

Girls here screen hard right from the start. Allowing a social surrender leads to a seductive surrender, which leads to a sexual surrender, which women here put their whole heart into. The women who do take the chance fall hard into love. They play for keeps. It's either all or nothing. From the start. Total surrender or total blow-off.

Stockholm seems to be an asexual city. You don't see prostitutes, porno shops, or strip clubs. The city does not sell sex. Feminine distractions are minimal too. Alcohol is highly regulated and I've seen no evidence of hard drugs. It's not that sex and other "vices" are repressed -- Swedes just aren't that interested.

People recreate by going out in their cliques. They put a lot of effort into looking good. They smoke and laugh. They take both dancing and karaoke WAY too seriously. That's about it. Work hard, contribute to society, remain loyal to your loved ones, and BREED. I've met several women who have 5+ siblings. And many young women with kids of their own. Though marriage is not popular, monogamy (and cohabitation) is.

So there you go. Homogeneous, asexual, antisocial, and beautiful. Like I said, it's a challenge to connect. It's no wonder that there is a thriving "pick-up community" in Stockholm. If the culture were both more gregarious and promiscuous, the "community" could not attract students/followers.

One more thing. The nightlife here is a bullshit industry. They play both the appearance-value game and financial-value game. You line up and stand in the cold. You're picked to come in based on completely arbitrary reasons. But all this does is then permit you the opportunity to pay a $15-20 cover charge! Ridiculous. You could go broke really quickly with the clubs here.

See, selling booze is of secondary concern here. Alcohol is so expensive and Swedes don't go out to get drunk. They go out to see-and-be-seen, reconnect with friends, strengthen existing relationships, come in from the cold and dance. And I mean, seriously DANCE.

Did I mention that it is fucking cold? Lots of daylight and very little sunshine. I didn't really expect to go from Texan heat to Swedish coldness. There are warmer places where the people are also warmer. I'm sure of it. There are cheaper places where social and sexual connections are not such a challenge. I'll leave the Stockholm challenge for any masochist who wants to come. I'm personally looking for ease and delight elsewhere.

I keep hearing Prague and Berlin and of course the beaches of the Black Sea. On a boat to Riga, Latvia right now.

Seductive Ordination

2010-05-28T02:42:00.002-05:00

What does it mean to be ordained?

Ordination in the classic, symbolic sense means that people recognize a certain quality that is unique to you. People come to you because of this special quality. You have this one incredible quality that sets you apart.

You become known as a problem-solver. A good listener. Someone with great clarity and wisdom. Someone who makes people laugh.

My belief is that everyone has such a remarkable quality. When you tune into your awareness, you'll notice that a community is actually seeking you out because of it.

For the better part of a decade, I was determined to be an anonymous playboy. I've always enjoyed seduction and sex, but I did not desire worldwide recognition for these abilities. I bought the illusion that my purpose had to be something bigger and better.

Then, a community called upon me to become a teacher of seduction and sex. I consider myself ordained as a teacher. It is my calling. I honor that ordination exactly as such. For me, it is sacred.

I have been ordained to explore and teach the process of seduction. It is not just a characteristic of my personality. It means that I am under orders to treat this part of myself as sacred. It has come directly from heaven for me to share with others.

Within you is a quality that you need to look at. You have a quality that you are ordained to share with others.

The challenge is that you have to get through the illusion that the only way to see yourself is by what you do. You are not your occupation. Believing that you are what you produce is a human illusion. You have to transcend the illusion and look at the spiritual energy that is thriving within you.

Maybe you are fanatically optimistic. Maybe you have the capacity to see and communicate beauty. Maybe you use your mind, body, and spirit to make people feel amazing pleasure. Maybe you truly give incredible, selfless blow-jobs.

Make no mistake, these qualities are God-like powers. These are our gifts.

We thrive when we give our gifts. We have closer contact between the human and the divine. The energy becomes even more clear when we activate our capacity to see beyond the illusions. Choosing to see beyond illusion is what makes a person a mystic.

Drop the illusion of who has more power. Who's demonstrating the highest value. Who's work is contributing more to this planet. Who cares? It's all illusion.

Real power is to recognize your gifts, ordain them, and share them. Make your ordination a ritual. Light a candle and say, "God, I am going to honor this part of myself as sacred. My sexuality is beautiful and it is a gift I can give to others."

Challenge why you diminish your sexuality and self-worth. Why do you look at the contributions of others and see them as being greater than your own?

It's a tragedy to ignore the divine because you think your sexual gifts are not great enough. The divine comes in humble packages. It's the mustard seed that knocks down the mountain.

Take a look at all the sensual and sexual qualities that you can share. Recognize these qualities as your gifts, and you will recognize a sacred energy. It's pure power.

Maintain clarity with what is illusion and what is true power, and you will recognize what it means to be seductively ordained.

The Art of Giving

2010-05-25T22:10:00.005-05:00

In gratitude for God's gift of life to us we should share that gift with others. The art of giving encompasses many areas. It is an outgoing, overflowing way of life.

Emerson said it well: "Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only true give is a portion of thyself."

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the heart: Love, kindness, joy, understanding, sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness...

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the mind: Ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals, principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry...

We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the spirit: Prayer, vision, beauty, aspiration, peace, faith...

-- Wilfred Peterson, 1960

We give of ourselves when we give the gift of intimacy: Honesty, integrity, vulnerability, authenticity, connection...

We give of ourselves when we give the gift of seduction: Attention, affection, desire, pleasure, intensity, curiosity, excitement...

We give of ourselves when we give the gift of sexuality: Arousal, lust, passion, sucking, fucking, tension, surrender, release, awakening...

-- Jason Savage, 2010

Mystic Seduction, an Introduction

2010-05-24T23:56:00.009-05:00

"Prayer, seated meditation, walking meditation, guided meditation, fasting, dancing, chanting, physical isolation, living in a community, acquired poverty, self-examination, concentrated study of sacred texts, long periods of silence, guidance by a teacher, a dozen varieties of yoga, sexual excess, sexual abstinence, finding the hidden meaning of numbers, pathless wandering, devoted service to others, institutional obedience -- all are suggested forms of spiritual discipline. And within each of these there are any number of alternative routes.... We are left with an obvious question: So we must do something, but will anything do?" -- James Carse

My stance -- for the record -- is that seduction is a spiritual practice. Seduction, as a disciplined pursuit of higher truth, is every bit as valid as any of the above.

I am not specifically talking about sexual excess or promiscuity. Nor I am talking about the high-self-confidence, low-self-esteem, status-driven, ego-obsessed con-game of 'pick-up.'

What I'm talking about is seduction as the process of enhancing, enriching, and enlivening a person's reality. It's the process of making his or her awareness more intense. It's the process of lowering defenses and awakening senses. Seduction -- as a spiritual practice -- is one of giving. Seduction is a gift.

I call the awareness and practice of giving this gift Mystic Seduction. A 'Mystic' is someone whose perceptions about reality and power differ from those of ordinary people. A 'Mystic Seducer' detaches -- through intuition and practice -- from the idea that seduction is manipulation, used for taking and self-gain. That particular perspective can now be relegated to the mentality and modality of a 'Pick-Up Artist.'

Mystic Seduction does not occur because something external demands it. That's the ego looking for such external means of validation. Mystic Seduction is not of the ego, but of the soul. It is a freely-given gift from the soul.

Marginalizing the ego is the way of entering the soul. Perhaps, it is marginalizing the ego that opens the soul. Mystic Seduction is the practice of a soul-opened individual offering a gift. The magic is in the giving. If a gift is not offered freely, but with an expectation of return, then it is not really a gift -- it's a bribe. Further, if a gift is offered freely and it is not accepted, that does not diminish the act of giving. The intention of the giver does not change based on the reaction of the receiver.

Mystic Seduction comprises many gifts, such as: Sensate awareness, sensual awakening, courageous creativity, exquisite energy, ravishing romance, intimate integrity, arousing authenticity, passionate pleasure, and erotic excellence. Performed with humor and style!

All that, and/or, a Guilt-Free Good Time!

The tag line of Mystic Seduction: "Hypnosis for Your Body. Massage for Your Mind."

The motto of the Mystic Seducer: "Take more risks. Give more gifts."

The sacred truth of Mystic Seduction: "If it FEELS good, it probably IS good -- for the body, for the mind, for the planet, and for the soul."

More to come.

Jason Savage

Sexwise

2010-05-22T00:44:00.003-05:00

bragging in ironic self-pity
bohemian paradise
too lazy or indifferent
authentic excitement
the best lovers are erotic mentors
sexual illumination
sexuality connects with creation
prudery kills
envy, bewilderment, and titillation
would you like to run this fuck?
pick-up is the easiest part of love
a look is nothing more than hope
fierce independence
nobody knows I'm a lesbian
pleasure and danger
sexual knowledge
erotic inspiration
hungry, ravenous sexual ego
desirability and talents
sexually adventurous
erotic satisfaction is the explicit goal
desire empowered by action
arousal, desire, wetness
express your sexual curiosity to the fullest
erotic enthusiasts
sex pioneers
ero-hero
tenderness, sensuality, and kink
my speculation is certainly erotic

Being a very public and willing sex maniac is original, creative, and courageous.

No-Woman Diet, pt3

2010-05-21T21:58:00.004-05:00

Some insights and realizations:

Most of my material stuff is gone. All four aquariums and their stands. All five bookshelves. My air purifier and floor lamps. It's quiet. No noise from aquarium filters and air pumps. Silence is masculine. Space is masculine. There is still a lot of clutter, but the space that has opened up already is symbolic of the ripening freedom that inhabits this moment.

Today I was awakened by the sound of chainsaws. They removed a huge limb of an oak tree -- the one right outside my door that used to lean onto the balcony. I'm not used to the space. It's unfamiliar. Yet, I sense new-found freedom. Openness. I feel less protected. Naked. Vulnerable.

The expectations of the guys organizing the group of us on the NWD are starting to come through. That's cool. There's a bit of condescension or guilt-trippyness about it all. I feel pressured to feel guilty about "giving in" and jerking off. Yet, I don't. Remember that this experience is about self-discovery not self-deprivation. Hey, I discovered that I had a three week limit. Three weeks behind; three weeks ahead.

I've been thinking about creativity. All the creativity that I put into sex and seduction. All the creativity that I put into my art and the design of the objects that I chose to surround myself. Creative delinquency. Creative intuition. Creative freedom.

I've realized that all creativity is a sublimation of sexual energy. Creativity is a transmutation of a biological drive. It seems as if I have always known this.

Creation is inherently physical. Sex is inherently creational (procreational or recreational). The desire to create music and art is derivative of the same continuum of energy. Both have everything to do with desire, ability, action, and movement. Creation is raw power. Sex is raw power.

The "wholeness mission" for this week is to take up a new practice. Learning a musical instrument, or taking a class are the examples. "Put stuff in your life that you enjoy." Let me riff on this.

There are a few things that I deeply know about myself. One is that I'm pretty selective about what I pay with my time and attention. After all, these are our only real resources. Second, I know that I am a lifetime learner. I value new experiences and seek novelty. All that said, I know -- with great clarity -- that there are certain things that I will never invest the time and energy in learning. Solid examples: 1) a musical instrument, 2) organized dance, and 3) a foreign language.

This is not to say that I don't have a profound respect and admiration for these things. It is also not to say that I won't pick-up (acquire) bits and pieces of these things in my life's journey. It is only a remark that I have zero interest in ever dedicating my time and attention to the disciplined focus of such pursuits.

So, back to the theme. I'm realizing that the No-Woman Diet is taking a very feminizing turn. We're basically substituting certain feminine energies for others. Don't take a woman on a date, take yourself on a date. Still feminine. Don't spend your time playing video games, spend your time playing the guitar. Still feminine.

We are still subverting sexual energy (kundalini). Instead of adopting a very dominate, purpose-driven masculine directive, we're still just playing around with feminine substitutes. Instead of transmuting the raw sexual power of the second chakra into success (however you chose to define it), we're still just playing around with pastimes and "feeling good."

I'm going to say what I feel at the core of my being, which seems to be a deeply-resonate truth: Why waste precious time and attention on substitutes?

Sexual expression is the bare-root essence. Sex creates life. Sex is a birthright. Sexual expression is how we connect with others. What greater form of self-expression is there? Sex is how we explore our senses and our environments. What greater form of spiritual liberation is there? Sex is living in the moment, dropping our physical boundaries, and exploring an interpersonal altered state all at once.

Sex is a gift!

Musical expression -- as an example -- is a substitute. Forget the male-female polarity, it is simply a substitute for raw creative-sexual power. Guys take up musical instruments to either get girls or because they can't get girls. One is a seduction technique and one is a delusional substitute. You can excoriate me and say "But I play this guitar as an expression, not a means to impress." And I'd respectfully say: "Bullshit." Delusions are useful. Music is a gift, yes. Fucking is a gift too.

I'm not dissing the program. Just pointing out my observations, so far. The lesson seems to be: Take up a feminine art, now, recognize that it is just a creative substitute. It is derivative of sexual energy, but not an expression of the real thing. This is helping you recognize your masculine essence by consciously creating the feminine polarity. Or at least a version of it.

That's cool. I'm on board. However, I fully expect that the next "wholeness mission" will be to go get a manicure. :)

The Self-Date(s)

2010-05-18T21:49:00.004-05:00

The first AMP "Wholeness Mission" was to take myself on a date.

I considered a few things. Like a fancy dinner. Here's the thing. I'd almost never take an interpersonal date out on a fancy dinner. I'm doing a specialized diet right now anyway, so no.

I considered going to a movie with/by myself. That's something I've never done. I go to the movies only about once a year -- with a friend/lover and not a date. At any rate, I can't name a single movie out right now. Not interested.

Things like going to a concert or a museum I have no qualms about doing alone. So, no real point. A date for me is about getting to know a girl and giving her an opportunity to get to know me. To connect, to combine energies, to find common ground. That experience IS the date. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant. I decided that I had to take that perspective here.

Savage: "Hey Jason, want to go kayaking?"
Savage: "Yeah sure."
Savage: "Well, we'll have to act quick to get some sun."
Savage: "Hey, can we look online and find that half-off coupon?"
Savage: "Fuck the coupon, let's go."

So, Monday, I went kayaking. It is immensely popular here on Lake Austin. I've done it once before with a lover. Actually we shared a canoe.

The first thing I realized is that you can't sit in a kayak without getting your ass wet. They're designed that way.

The second thing I realized is that being out on a single-person kayak is actually pretty common. There were a lot of guys out by themselves. (No girls though.)

The third thing I realized is that it is pretty boring. It's okay, I guess. I looked down at the turtles and some pretty big bass and carp. I paddled across the lake. I played around with different paddle techniques. Backwards, high arch, low arch, etc. I tried to see how fast I could paddle 100 strokes. I came back to shore. Meh.

On Tuesday, I called myself for another date. I decided that I wanted to take myself somewhere where I could sunbathe nude. I really wanted to feel sunrays on my ass. I want to tan my taint.

I started heading toward Hippie Hollow. "The only clothing optional public park in Texas." If you don't believe me, there are pictures here: www.hippiehollow.com

It's several miles outside of the city. I had my spidey senses working to find a more private spot. I wasn't in the mood for voyeurism or exhibitionism, I just wanted to feel the sun on my ass. More importantly, I did not want to pay $12 just for the opportunity to be naked in nature.

So, as luck or divine guidance would have it, I found a road that had been built for some emerging industrial park that never happened. I schlepped my blanket out into the weeds and wildflowers and set up camp. Suntan lotion, water, and a book. I got naked and enjoyed the heat of the sun while chasing off spiders and bugs. Besides the birds and some low-flying pilots, no one knew. (Four helicopters did fly by -- or else the same helicopter passed four times.)

I was reading, so laying on my front was much more comfortable that trying to hold the book in the air above my face to block the sun. I must have spent much more time on my stomach than my back. My ass is very very red, while my thighs and groin are still lily white. It feels like I spent an hour with a dominatrix rather than an hour in the sun. Ouch.

I'd call these two dates a success.

I kinda like to see this guy Savage again.

The Stroke

2010-05-17T15:26:00.005-05:00

So, after 3+ weeks without orgasm, ejaculation, or even a memorable erection, I was starting to get worried. A few days ago, I decided to look at a single porn clip. It was a test to make sure that I could still get aroused. I was starting to fear impotence or somesuch. Like I said, it was just a test -- I wasn't even feeling that horny.

Man, that clip was hot! I'd never been so fascinated, so enthralled by a single sex act. Porn clearly has a desensitizing effect. How often do we jump from scene to scene, fantasy to fantasy, looking for just the right contrived mental stimulation to get off? Yet this self-imposed depravity allowed this one single scene to be so deliciously hot. Make no mistake, I was hard. Throbbing hard. I kinda studied my cock -- admired it really -- for it had been so long since giving it any real attention. Then I shut off the porn and put my dick away.

The spell had been broken. The next day, this porno was all that I could think about. It seemed like I was aroused all day just remembering the simple beauty of penetration. It was just a basic scene. Slow and sensual. Vanilla really. But it seemed like ever cell in my body was captivated. That night I looked at the same clip again, as I admired my cock, appreciating all the pleasure that it has brought me -- and my lovers -- throughout life. Then, once again, I shut off the porn and put my dick away.

The third day was filled with intense lust. Just about every woman who crossed my path was subject to an brief, passionate physical connection -- though only in my head. That night I watched the porno again. I stroked my cock noticing the subtleties and nuance of sensation. Every molecule felt ignited with electricity. I knew I would let it happen this time, so I pushed the pleasure to the brink. Drawing it out, such a tantalizing delay. Then I came. The pure volume was ridiculous. A load that huge deserved a facial. I imagined the sense of pride and honor that so many women would have had if allowed to coax that much cum out of me. It is a shame that no one was there to receive this copious gift. Alas, I did it myself. To myself. With only myself. And that was that.

I broke the diet. I can't really feel shameful about this. I must have a three week limit. Now I have three more weeks to let it build up again for a sexy Swedish recipient.

But here's the ultimate observation. Masturbation is a release mechanism. It relieves horniness and tension. The horniness from desire/lust/porn was gone. I could relax. But so was the focus and determination that I had before I looked at the porn the first time. That focus was useful. Transmutation of sexual energy is real. Now, I am not as horny as before -- nor am I worried about impotence -- but I am also not as focused in general. More distracted from the present clarity of intent.

So, we have an assignment this week: "Take yourself on a date."

Does the above count? The way I see it, I even waited until the third date to make sure I wouldn't judge myself as being too easy. I've got to protect my reputation, you know.

Time is Slipping Away...

2010-05-16T16:59:00.002-05:00

These days you have an extraordinary capacity to perform magic. And when I use that word "magic," I mean it in a very specific sense: Causing practical changes to occur in accordance with your most noble and beautiful desires. I'm not talking about the kind of "magic" that helps you gratify mediocre wishes or tawdry fantasies. I'm not saying you should go on an acquisitive binge as you gather up booty and bragging points. Rather I'm letting you know that you have the power to create inspiring transformations in the way your life works.

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show." So begins Charles Dickens' novel David Copperfield. I'd like to inspire you to write a story of your own that begins like that.

--Rob Brezsny

No-Woman Diet pt2

2010-05-14T00:11:00.003-05:00

Update. It's been over three weeks without sex, flirting, sensual contact, or masturbation. It's been four weeks since I had a drop of alcohol.

First of all. My dick is shrinking. I'm sure of it. This is kind of a big deal. It just hangs there all shriveled and unloved. It feels so useless, so out-of-service. "Have I been fired? Look at all these women, why won't you let me make them happy?" it begs. If that's not enough, I have also not been having spontaneous erections. No morning wood. No hard cock on command. Desire is still there, but arousal is gone. Perhaps I should look into supplements.

I went to a show tonight. First all month. Remember that music is a feminine substitute. In this environment, I found a new appreciation for the women surrounding me. I was really in tune with the energy being projected. I could tell exactly who was down to fuck. Who liked to be dominated. Who was a good lover. Man, I really really wanted to initiate contact. To combine energy, to get as close as possible. It was like intuition without instinct. Being hyper-sexual is more about instinct. Going for what you want and not apologizing for basic human desire. Frequent fucking can actually have a numbing effect on intuition. Heiarchy of needs, right? At any rate, it was interesting to step back and dissociate for a change.

I've been feeling the stress of moving. Giving things up, getting over the emotional attachments to possession, etc. It takes a lot of coordination -- a full-time job really. Selling at the flea market last weekend was draining emotionally and physically.

I broke my diet pretty hardcore yesterday. Fried chicken tenders and fries. That's bad shit. I can still say that I have not had pasta or straight-up bread in three months. To make up for this, today I just ate fruit and nuts. Six bananas, a grapefruit, an orange, a lemon and a lime. What I did was freeze the bananas, then dip them in the mixed citrus juice and let that freeze around them. I gotta say, it was really good and I feel fine. I'm eating some sunflower seeds now. In Georgia, we call them Spitz.

I read an article by Emily Troscianko. She's famous for being anorexic. I gotta say, her article was inspiring. I doubt this was the intention. Anyway, this "hunger artist" talks about the discipline, self-control, and power that anorexia requires. I mean, she's not stupid. She knew she was super thin. She was getting a high from being hungry. It's not a delusion. It's all about control. "Control equals strength, strength equals denial, denial equals simplicity, simplicity equals purity, purity equals perfection, perfection equals perfect control."

Fat people have no control. It's one thing to get healthy, but I'm really wondering, would I ever have the discipline to be anorexic? I don't think so. I might try to go like three days without eating. Think I could do it? Let's make a wager. But I'll tell you this: If my dick continues to shrink, all bets are off.

The Art of Abundance

2010-05-09T23:50:00.001-05:00

Clean out your closets. There's nothing like seeing all the stuff you've accumulated to remind you of how much you already have. Give away good used clothing and other useful items to deserving charities. Let someone else enjoy what's been hiding unused in your closet.

Abundance is... not how much I own, but how much I appreciate.

--Candy Paull

No-Woman Diet

2010-05-06T21:27:00.012-05:00

So... the No-Woman Diet, as created and promoted by the Authentic Man Program, has officially started. I've actually been doing this, unofficially, for about two weeks already.

Here's what it's about: Finding clarity and purpose. Awareness, presences, and the quest for freedom. The point is that you do it for a specific period of time -- six weeks -- to cleanse your mind and hone your focus. Just as a detox does for your body. You can't eliminate feminine energy entirely, just like on a detox you don't stop nutrient intake entirely. But you limit it -- increase awareness of it -- then transition into a lifestyle more healthy after the detox period is up.

Stipulations: No sex. No dating. No approaching. No flirting. No Match. No sensual contact. No masturbation. No validation seeking. No forums. No feminine substitutes. No porn. No TV. No music. No alcohol. No drugs. No caffeine. No sugary foods. Etc.

Rewards: A specific reward for doing the NWD, in conjunction with selling/giving away most of my stuff, is that I will go to Europe for three months. I have a strict deadline of June 8th. And I just spent $1200 for the ticket! Anxious and eager at the same time...

Observations, Exceptions, Etc:

Emotional Eating. This is much more under control because I've been dieting for a couple months. I gave up soda, energy drinks, and candy for popsicles and now I've given them up too. I never thought I would like eating frozen bananas. I've been solid with no caffeine, no alcohol, no soda, and extremely limited grains. I bought broccoli today, I believe, for the first time in my life.

Music. During this period, I would normally have gone to 18 shows that are on my radar. I plan on going to only the four most important. At any rate, this will conclude my emulsion into the "Music Capital of the World" that began on April 25, 2007. I'm not listening to music at home like usual. In fact, I am selling all my CDs. I've been listening to talk radio. Especially Coast-to-Coast AM. I'm going to cut that out too because all the "doom and gloom" conspiracy theory shit is really depressing.

Workshops. I've got two students coming in late this month. There will be instruction and approaching involved. The bigger goal is to have most of my possessions cleared out by then so I can focus on giving kick-ass insights and feedback. This is good also because the point of the diet is not to lock yourself indoors and avoid women altogether. However, my immediate focus is the pressing obligation to getting rid of all this stuff.

Project Reset. All my energy is going toward letting go of my possessions. I'm a collector -- a borderline hoarder really. Gotta let it go. Goddamn, I have so much stuff, and it's all been accumulated since 2007. There is a lot of attachment involved. So far: One of the four aquariums is gone. Some of the fish are gone. A few hundred (of thousands) of CDs are gone. Most books are actually gone. I took a box of 70 books to Half Price Books. They offered me $5 for them all. Insane! I took them to another Half Price, and they gave me $12 for half of them. I took the rest to a third Half Price and they gave me $16 for the rest. I took another 30 books today and they gave me $10. I'm getting less that 50 cents each for CDs. I'm noticing that society is media saturated. More people seem to be selling than buying. More people are resetting their lives -- reevaluating where they put their time and attention.

Level Four. I've cleared my phone of all the phone numbers of women. I've just given myself a clean shave. I'm going to go the six weeks without shaving my beard. I'm going to keep shaving my head though because it will be a real bitch to get through at the end of six weeks. Also, I am not going to shower for six weeks. I may rinse off, but soap is definitely a feminine substitute. :)

Urban Totems

2010-05-06T01:48:00.002-05:00

"Squirrel totem is resourcefulness. Squirrel is small, but he knows how to use his teeth, his claws, and his speed to his advantage. He knows when to flee a fight and when to stand his ground, and he can be vicious. Squirrel knows the value of setting aside useful things for the future, of knowing his environment and using it to his advantage. Squirrel guides one to the resources, within and without, that one needs to survive. Squirrel is the foreteller of a bad winter; he knows instinctively when bad times are coming and begins to stockpile for them.

Squirrel totem people have whatever strange item you need in their basements, or they have the phone number of someone who does. They can spot a bargain a mile off and squeeze a penny so hard it squeaks. Squirrel people are beloved of Skor. They are cheerful gossips, especially over buying/selling/trading discussions. Squirrel folk tend to chatter when nervous, and squawk in incoherence when angry. They are ingenious with tools and oddments -- when you lose your keys in the mall, it's the squirrel totem friend who will hot-wire your car for you with a paper clip and a ballpoint pen. If you're in luck, your mechanic will be Squirrel totem and save you money by the dozens of junkyards he's got a line on, chock full of interesting items for the scrounging. They are bright-eyed hard workers. You can always tell a Squirrel house by the amount of junk stored in it, often in random piles that no one but Squirrel could ever find anything."

Raven Kaldera, Urban Primitive

Other common Urban Totems: Rat, Cockroach, Mouse, Raccoon, Robin, Starling, Kitty, Feral Cat, Pigeon, Crow, Moth, Seagull, Silverfish, Goldfish, Wasp, Dog, Sparrow, Ant, and Coyote.

Dojo Wisdom

2010-05-05T02:11:00.002-05:00

"The martial artist must be alert and prepared to defend himself at all times. Because he many not always have a sword strapped to his shoulders, he learns to use his bare hands and feet as weapons. He realizes that carrying too much makes him tired, distracted and unfocused, so he travels light. Traveling light also means he has fewer possessions to defend from thieves.

Possessions, in and of themselves, aren't bad. But often we spend far too much time and energy on them, at the cost of our relationships, personal goals and even enjoyment of those very possessions."

--Jennifer Lawler

I've been scaling back hardcore this week. I've sold over 1,000 CDs and over 200 books. Got about 50 cents each, LOL.

Seduction is a Gift

2010-04-30T16:36:00.002-05:00

What is the highest compliment you can give another person?

Your sexual attraction. Everyone is flattered to find out that another person finds them sexy.

It gets better. Knowing that someone is turned on by you will actually turn you on. Likewise, letting someone know that he turns you on will turn him on. Especially if you are letting him know quickly and physically. Arousal is a beautiful loop.

It gets even better. What is the greatest gift you can give another person?

Seduction.

Putting your time, energy, and effort into giving someone else a remarkable experience is a gift. You’re telling this person that he is special, he has your full attention, and that you care about his desires. The two of you come together, and the rest of the world just melts away.

Romance is a gift. Sex is a gift. Letting your energies combine is a gift. Every look, every word, every sensual touch is a gift.

Seducers — unlike the needy Pick Up Artists — are not selfish. They create an environment, set a mood, and make the moment more intense as gifts. They know that even if a gift is not accepted, it does not diminish the act of giving. The key is to give selflessly — with no expectation of return — otherwise it is not a gift, but a bribe.

The beauty, of course, is that it is exactly this sense of giving that brings abundant return: Health, happiness, intimacy, and passionate sex.

I’m of the perspective that we all have a lot of love to give. It’s natural. The problem is that it just lies dormant with most of us. So many people on their death beds express how they wish they had loved more, connected more, and been more open physically and emotionally.

The challenge is to awaken your dormant energy. Awaken you sexuality and sensuality and channel it through the process of seduction.

Learning how to entice others, to enhance and enrich their lives, is about the best gift you can give yourself. Combining your enthusiasm with some tried-and-true technique is exactly what makes you a skilled seducer and a skilled lover.

It is not just love — compassion and care — but the process of awakening the senses and igniting passionate desire that will make the world a better place. It takes compassion and passion. Lean and practice seduction: Save the world.

It's Official...

2010-04-24T04:27:00.003-05:00

Barbara needed a lot of lube. Swinging from a chandelier became a real challenge after that...

RIP Guru

2010-04-20T22:11:00.002-05:00

Guru (Keith Elam) of Gangstarr and Jazzmatazz died of cancer April 19th at age 43.

I get the song "Ex Girl to Next Girl" in my head all the time.

I went from ex to the next, took my time with each one
And you know they still love me, so stop jellin' me hon
I went home to see my mom and I saw you at the bus stop
Must I stop? Nah I think not
You and I are the past, c'est la vie, much respect girl
But now you're my ex-girl and I'm out with the next girl

I've got a picture with Guru from August 1st 2007. I should go try to find that.

Paleolithic Diet

2010-04-20T02:13:00.002-05:00

The Paleo Diet is designed to loosely mimic what man would have eaten 10,000 years ago. In other words, pre-agriculture. The premise is that we have not changed genetically since the advent of agriculture, yet our diets have changed drastically. All of the "diseases of affluence" seem to relate to modern diet.

I'd heard a little bit about this over the years, but I never knew anyone to do it. I read a bit of stuff online and watched a couple YouTube videos, but other than that, I don't know much. I intentionally didn't want to get caught up in the minutia and endless distinctions with this. Yet, of all things 'savage' and my interest in primal man, it sounded like something I had to try.

I started on February 15th. Two months later, this is my progress report.

The first thing to realize is that this is not a raw food died. I can cook and I do. The idea is to just not eat the kinds of foods that have to be cooked or otherwise processed. So all cereal crops are out. No corn, no rice, no wheat. This means no bread, no pasta, no ramen. Beans, legumes (including peanuts), and potatoes are out. And no dairy products.

I eat vegetables, fruits, and meats. Nuts are okay. Seafood and mushrooms would also be okay, but I hate these thing. I've been eating a lot of soups, salads, and things like meat wrapped in lettuce. (It's like the 'Protein Style' on the hidden menu at In-And-Out).

What I am most proud of is getting off of caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, and candy. Man, I used to be addicted to candy and soda and energy drinks.

Avoiding cereals and grains has been surprisingly easy. Mainly because I cook more than I eat out, and I can cook well. With very few exceptions, I have been able to avoid pizza, pasta, chips, queso, rice, and bread. These used to be some of my favorite foods. The times I have slipped have always been in a social context, so I have to be more resolute when I'm out.

Anyway, my favorite thing now is the soup that I create. I make it with chicken about 80% of the time and beef once in awhile. I use fresh vegetables. I usually make two pots per week. Granted, I still eat a lot -- but it has been important for me to change quality before quantity.

Here's what goes into a pot of soup: three pounds of carrots, two onions, a celery stalk, two bell peppers, at least six jalapenos or serranos, two habaneros, and a bunch of green onions. I then add one additional ingredient that I try to change every time, like: zucchini, yellow squash, spaghetti squash, asparagus, tomatoes, or kale. I season with garlic, chillies, black pepper, bay leaves, saffron, basil, and different hot sauces.

What I do not add are the things that "cheapen" soups that you get commercially: pasta, rice, corn, potatoes, beans, etc...

That's my staple. Soup. It's good stuff. There are only a few fruits that I like: bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I eat apples and oranges once in awhile, but I'm not a big fan.

The things that I crave and still allow myself are breaded chicken fingers and popsicles. Bad stuff, I know. Oh yeah, and beer. This is a big no-no. I'm working on it.

The main thing is the near-total elimination breads and grains, dairy, and the super-bad stuff like soda and candy.

All that said, I have lost twenty pounds in two months with little exerted physical activity. I can't really say that my overall energy level has improved. I think I have greater issues concerning motivation. I still hate running and going to the gym. But, when I am doing something social or physical, I really don't have cravings. It's when I'm in my house and in my head that I have the familiar bouts of emotional eating.

So that's the next step: Eating less (even of the good stuff). Working out more. Identifying and curbing emotional eating.

Hold Nothing Back

2010-04-18T23:15:00.002-05:00

A man sometimes goes to great lengths to gift his woman. He works hard for her, creates art, purchases exquisite gems for her, and helps her to grow. But if he waits for his woman's acknowledgment, he suffers. A woman can't express her appreciation fully to a man who needs to feel appreciated.

A woman wants to feel that her man is not dependent on her. She wants to feel that her man wants her, desires her, but does not need her. A needy man is a turn-off. A man who needs to be acknowledged for his giving ruins the gift.

Of course, all men are needy to some extent. And to grow into integrated self-hood requires that men learn to express their needs clearly. But to grow beyond personal integration and truly open fully, a man can learn that his life is a full-blown sacrifice. A life well-lived is a life wherein your gifts are given fully, no holding back -- even if you are not appreciated, acknowledged, or noticed for the giving.

Most women want a man with this kind of offering-strength, a man who does not need her pat on the back to continue giving his gifts to the world or her. He is dedicated to giving his gifts in spite of resistance by the world or by her. A woman loves to feel that even when she doesn't acknowledge her man, he continues on his path without collapse. Then she can trust him. His needs, and therefore his moods, do not sag his life.

If you are a man, notice how much acknowledgment you want from your woman or the world for your gifts. Every man wants to be appreciated for what he gives, but your gifts need not wilt when they are seemingly unnoticed. You can learn to give your gifts fully, without holding back while you wait for adequate acknowledgment -- which rarely comes as fully as you hope, especially when you need it most.

As you grow, you realize that your woman's lack of acknowledgment acts as a test. Are you giving like an artist who must express art, a saint who must offer compassion, a father who must provide his children with the best upbringing he can, regardless of how much appreciation he gets for it? When you die, will you know that you have given yourself utterly to the world, to your woman, to your family, holding nothing back? Or are you still like a little boy eagerly performing for the sake of mom's applause? Very little helps you mature beyond neediness more than the appreciate you want from your woman, but don't get.

--David Deida, Blue Truth

Toxoplasmosis

2010-04-17T21:09:00.005-05:00

This all starts with me wondering why I like cats, but pretty much hate dogs. It's not that I hate dogs, it's just that I feel better when they're not around. (Like cops.) They're annoying, lack any sense of self-reliance, and are so goddamn needy.

And they stink. I was recently running the trails here in Austin and I realized that I could actually smell a dog before I came upon it. It's pretty bad sometimes because people here let their dogs run into the lake and then shake themselves off all over the trail and people nearby. It's nasty.

People that own dogs always have homes that stink. The homes of cat owners stink too -- but usually only when they don't change the litter box. Needless to say, the smell of a dog is among the most bothersome things to me. I know I have sensitive olfaction, and a lot of human scents bother me as well: Particularly the smell of gym locker-rooms and the smell of thrift stores. But not as much as dogs.

So, back to cats. Almost all of my long-term relationships have been with cat owners. I have had long term flings with dog owners, but they were situations where I went to her place maybe once. The rest of the time was spent at mine. Of all the women that I have cohabited with, all were cat owners -- including two in Austin. Currently I do not own cats, but years ago I actually had two cats of my own. Perhaps most importantly, my family always had cats growing up.

So here's the thing with cats. They carry a parasitic protozoa called Toxoplasma. They can only reproduce in the digestive tracts of cats. However, they can be spread to any mammal through hand-to-mouth contact with cat shit or even getting scratched by a cat that has feces on its claw. The hand-to-mouth contact doesn't seem so unlikely when you consider things like playing outside, sandboxes, gardening, changing cat litter, and the fact that the protozoa can live up to a year outside of a host.

The disease that this little fucker causes is called Toxoplasmosis. One third of people worldwide have the disease! In the US, it is estimated that 23% of people have it. If you consider that I grew up with cats, I like cats, I like women that like cats, and some other factors that I'm about to mention -- it is highly likely that I have it. (Note to self: Find a way to get tested.)

Here's the thing. People that have it, don't know they have it. There are no acute symptoms in people with healthy immune symptoms. Or are there?

First of all, Toxoplasma has a profound effect on the behavior of mice. It fuck with their dopamine and makes them fearless of cats and actually seek them out. This is to the advantage of the parasite: The cat eats the mouse and the parasite is back in the cat's digestive tract where it can reproduce. Simply put, the parasite turns mice -- who have every reason to avoid cats -- into cat lovers!

Now, there is startling evidence that the parasite has a behavioral effect on humans as well. Toxoplasmosis has been linked to:

--slower reaction time
--greater likelihood of car accidents
--greater jealously in men
--greater promiscuity in women
--changes in mood, sociability, attention, motivation and sleep patterns
--greater likelihood of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder

Fascinating. So was the "crazy cat lady" driven that way by the parasitic infection that her cats gave her? Maybe it was just that first kitten she had as a little girl who's parasite caused her to fall in love with cats?

And what of these women in their 20s and 30s that have one or two cats? Are they more moody? More antisocial (or at least introverted)? More promiscuous? In my experience, all three.

(Note to self: "Cats or dogs?" might turn out to be the best screening question ever.)

Why aren't more studies being done on this?

I'd be interested to learn if there has been a survey that asks about how many sexual partners a person has had and what kinds of pets they have owned.

I grew up with cats. I've owned cats. I've been with hundreds of women. Most of the them also grew up with cats. Many owned cats. The cycle continues. Toxoplasma wins.

Physical - Social - Mental

2010-04-17T20:48:00.005-05:00

There are three domains of life: The physical, the social, and the mental.

"Health - Wealth - Relationship" is almost there; but it is more specific than it needs to be. I want to paint with the broadest strokes possible first, and fill in details later.

I think we find the community not just because we are 'bad' with women. This is a symptom of a greater issue. That greater issue is that there is an imbalance with the three domains.

Most guys that find the community are intellectuals. We do things for work and leisure that are mind-intensive.

Do you realize how rare it is for a construction worker, or a plumber, or any guy with a hands-on type physical vocation to find the community?

Engineers, yes. Laborers, no.

Even within the community, you are likely to just become more mentally driven. Reading, writing (FRs), studying, dissecting theories, consuming products.

Or perhaps you become hyper-social. Going out constantly, becoming the approach machine, the dating machine, or even the sex machine.

But there is still imbalance.

I've shared a lot of experience relating to distinctions between being social and being seductive. I talk a lot about the opportunity and exposure aspects of game (social) VS the skillset and escalation aspects of game (seduction). But for now, understand that being seductive is always being social, but being social is not always seductive. Being social is rarely seductive -- but even seduction requires interacting with another person. You can't seduce yourself. (Maybe you can, but that is all mental and I don't really want to think about it.)

Being seductive is a sub-domain of being social (and mental). Being sexual is a sub-domain of being social (and physical).

Back to the imbalance.

The only physical exercise I have gotten in the past few years is walking around (doing approaches) and fucking.

Huge imbalance.

I've started running recently -- and I hate it -- but it's helping me put things in perspective.
(This also stems from a talk with DJ Fuji where he told me that he takes his students running. Holy shit. The most simplistic things really are the most profound.)

Trying to find a balance.

For most of us, the physical and the social take huge amounts of discipline. They require effort. It's worth it because these are the things that put us in touch with our bodies. Our senses. And our environments. This is noticing and experiencing, rather than thinking.

Most women -- at least superficially -- are far more balanced. They enjoy the physical and the social more. They relish sensory rich experiences and sensate awareness. They generally put less attention and effort into book smarts and academics.

Most men are caught in their minds. And caught in the trappings of power/status/value. We're trained this way from school, groomed into the working world, and remain here feeling stifled and repressed. The institutions of school and work will continue to promote this imbalance until we die stress-related deaths.

The only time I have ever felt balanced -- and not conincidentally, the only time I ever felt truly happy -- was when I was doing no conventional 'work' and was actually homeless.

For nearly four years I had no permanent address. I had a vehicle. And just a few possessions.

I'd travel around in my van. I'd spend my days on lengthy hikes, taking photos of things I noticed (physical). I'd spend my nights talking to and hooking up with women (social). I'd sometimes take time to write or read (mental).

When I settled in Austin, things got really out of balance. For awhile, I was hyper-social. New city, new women, new opportunity. Then I became hyper-mental. This always comes with the flawed belief that we need to maintain a certain self image. Attachment to any belief is mental. (Detrimental.)

Anyway, physically, I let myself go. By last winter I was up to the same weight that I carried in high school. 50 pounds overweight. Sounds insane to most people who are more balanced.

I guess I needed to sadistically prove to myself that I could still get girls at that weight. Now that I had skill or different attititude or whatever. And I did. Yippie.

Moving on: Balance.

I could go hardcore with physical challenge and lose a bunch of weight. Just like a community guy could go hardcore with social bootcamps and such. The result is usually further imbalance and burnout.

I'm much more interested in a holistic approach to lifestyle and seduction.

You hear things like... "for every hour you spend reading/studying you should spend an hour in field." This is good. But you also need an hour of physical activity.

This is what I think is reasonable: Each day, put two or three hours toward concentrated physical activity, and two or three hours toward concentrated social activity. The rest of the time (especially with mind-intensive jobs) will account for mental/intellectual activity.

Physical -- exercise, yoga, running/walking, playing sports, dancing

Social -- cold approaches, any level of dating, socializing, seducing

Mental -- reading, writing, studying, watching movies, mind maps

Ideally, there will be some crossover. Taking a class is usually two domains. Travel usually involves all three. I think most of us would find more meaning in work, if we created a way for it to involve all three. I think most of us would enjoy dating more, if we created a way for it to involve all three.

So that's what I'm looking at now. The challenge of balance. Well-being. Staying fit and humble and happy.

The attitude of "OMG! Potential sex-opportunity, I have to go for it all the time!" is not the healthiest direction for anyone.

Moralizing, righteous indignation, and mental mastubation in the name of maintaining a certain image-of-self aren't good for us either.

Balance. Being. Doing. Sharing. Challenging and inspiring each other in all three domains. We're all works in progress, but what would happen if we put our collective time, energy, and effort here?

A Checklist for Forgiveness

2010-04-05T01:25:00.002-05:00

There is a specific technology for getting over being mad. Getting over being mad is called forgiveness.

Our minds, as well as a lot of experts, tell us to avoid this at all costs. Most of us, most of the time, would rather just stay mad and think about it and invent categories full of negative judgement for the rotten jerks who made us mad and look for further proof that we are right and they are wrong. It's more fun and it's easier to do.

Unfortunately, the 'easy' way is the one most damaging to ourselves and others and it doesn't work.

If you want to get over being mad, you have to come back down from the principle, to the experience of being mad -- away from the general principle and in the direction of the specific events that preceded the abstraction. You have to say to the person's face, what the person did or said that made you mad. Forget about explaining why. You don't know why, anyway. Drop the explanation. Just resent them for what they did and don't justify anything. You are petty. We all are. You are crazy. We all are. Go ahead and be petty and cray and do it out loud and magnify the experience.

Love is when you let someone be the way she is. When you let up on your judgements of someone, there is a free space in which forgiveness and love occur. Here is the checklist:

1. Talk face-to-face. You need to look each other in the eye and react to each other moment-to-moment.

2. Start your sentences as often as possible with the words, "I resent you for..." or "I appreciate you for..."

3. Speak in the present tense.

4. Eventually, get specific.

5. Focus as much as you can on what did happen instead of what didn't happen.

6. Stay in touch with your experience as you talk.

7. Stay there with the person beyond the time it takes to exchange resentments.

8. After you have both fully expressed your specific resentments, express your appreciations in the same way.

If you refuse to quit, and keep talking to the person you're interacting with until you feel complete, you will eventually be complete with him. You'll have no more withheld resentments or appreciations, and you'll be able to experience him newly, as he is, in that moment.

--Brad Blanton

A Checklist for Intimacy

2010-03-27T01:38:00.002-05:00

1. Tell your entire life story, taking about three hours each.

2. Tell each other your complete sexual history including how many people you have had sex with, what gender they were and the details of what you did with them.

3. Masturbate to orgasm in front of each other with no assistance from each other.

4. Tell each other of any affairs, near-affairs, necking, arousal, daydream, or flirtation you have engaged in since you have known each other.

5. Take turns with half-hour monologues in which one of you agrees to be silent for thirty minutes while the other speaks. Tell your partner everything you resent them for and everything you appreciate them for. After you have both taken a turn, talk about the monologues for at least a half an hour.

--Brad Blanton

"I am still amazed at how normally intelligent people who have been living together or married and having sex for years still can't talk to each other about fucking. Most couples haven't told each other about their sexual history, much less their current involvements."

"Whether you are monogamous or polygamous is not the most critical factor in having a successful relationship. Whether or not you tell the truth is."

Breakdown

2010-03-22T16:12:00.003-05:00

First of all, I am highly sexual. I love sex and I'm pretty gifted at lovemaking. I believe that passion is the lifeblood of a relationship, and indeed sexual connection is the backbone. Romance, intimacy, and physical chemistry are of extreme importance to me.

Second, I am very loyal. I'm caring and reliable. A bit shy, but grounded. What I really desire is a woman who is ambitious and capable, but also dependable. I want nothing more than to share my sexual and sensual life with someone who will actually stick around.

I am skilled at awakening a woman's senses and enticing her to live passionately. She learns and grows as a sexy woman embracing her desire. Then she leaves at the slightest minor difficulty. Right when I needed her most for my own learning and growth.

They say before any breakthrough there is a breakdown.

At this point, I am only interested in a connection that is sensual and physical, but also likely to last. Where is the woman who can handle the intensity of both intimacy and commitment?

Rare indeed.

Massage > Dance

2010-03-04T13:24:00.004-06:00

Here's a question to take in field:

Say you meet two guys -- all else being equal -- which guy would you pick: The one who is an amazing dancer? Or the one who gives incredible massages?

For real, ask girls this. But how about you?

Would you rather have a girlfriend who could dance or a girlfriend who could make you feel fantastic with her hands?

Both dance and massage are forms of nonverbal communication.

Both are art forms.
Both are forms of self-expression.
Both are practiced in every culture worldwide.
Both seem to indicate how skilled a person would be at sex.

What's interesting is when guys find the community and they really focus on self-improvement and self-expression, they often decide to take dance classes.

I think this is great. You're getting more connected with your own body and you're pushing your comfort zone.

But how applicable is dance as a seduction skill?

I am here to tell you that learning to dance is another one of those social misdirections that has no relevance to the skillset of seduction. Guys are led to believe that it is far more important than it actually is.

Dancing is social. Massage is seductive.

It's no wonder that guys would choose dance classes over massage classes. All you have to do is go to a club and you see all these people dancing! It's visual. It looks seductive.

But dancing is actually social. It's public. Formal dancing is the hallmark of social grace. All things social are about exposure and opportunity. Social things are about attraction, not arousal.

Rarely do you see someone giving or getting a massage. It's more private. And it's seductive, not social. All things seductive are about escalation and arousal. Seductive things turn you on physically, not mentally.

Dance is social. Massage is seductive.
Dance is mostly personal. Massage is interpersonal.
Dance is kinda selfish. Massage is giving/sharing.
Dance is mostly visual. Massage is kinesthetic.
Dance is entertaining. Massage is therapeutic.

Dance is of the ego (what looks good). Massage is of the body (what feels good).

"If seeing is believing, touching is knowing."

I know an amazing woman who is a 23 year old yoga teacher. She sometimes trades yoga instruction for other services. A 47 year old married man offers to trade a massage. He's not particularly attractive, and she doesn't particularly like him. He gives her a massage, they both get aroused, and as-nature-would-have-it, they fuck. Just like that.

I say it all the time: You don't have to master being social before you learn seduction. Put your time and attention where it counts. Learn massage.

You can dance if you want to, but massage is a far greater skill to have.

Massage trumps dance. Massage for the win.

Hands down. ;-)

GoneSavage

Courage > Confidence

2010-03-04T11:12:00.004-06:00

Everyone talks about confidence. Mainstream dating talks about confidence. The community talks about confidence. The average man or woman on the street talks about the importance of having more confidence.

First of all, don't confuse confidence with competence. You may claim to want to be a more confident communicator or lover. But do you really? Wouldn't you rather just be a better communicator or lover? Wouldn't you rather simply be more skilled?

Confidence means: "belief in your own ability: self-assurance in your ability to succeed."

Competence means: "the ability to do something well, measured against a standard, especially ability acquired through experience or training."

There it is. Do you simply want belief in your ability, or do you want the actual ability?

Confidence can signal competence. But correlation is not causation. It is competence that breeds both success and confidence.

Confidence can be faked. False confidence -- delusional confidence -- looks the same as core confidence. This is the essence of "fake it until you make it." But competence -- actual skill -- cannot be faked.

Competence > Confidence

So how do you gain competence? Experience. Practice. Momentum.

So how do you gain experience and momentum? Courage.

Courage > Confidence

Confidence means: "belief in your own ability: self-assurance in your ability to succeed."

Courage means: "the ability to face difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action."

Once again, do you want belief in your ability, or do you want the actual ability?

Confidence is an attitude. Courage is an ability. It implies action.

Confidence means acting with some assurance of success. Courage means acting despite having no assurance whatsoever.

Confidence says "act as if," while courage says, "ACT ANYWAY."

The frustration of being a beginner at anything can elevate the desire to be confident. When you haven’t built up skill, a lack of success can be painful. The response is often a desire for more confidence. This is a bit misguided.

Confidence is overrated. The only way to succeed is to continue to try, while making adjustments from experience and feedback. The path toward experience and feedback is having the courage to take action.

Many guys try to shortcut the beginner's process by faking a greater level of confidence than their skill allows. Negative feedback starts to undermine the false confidence and it becomes difficult to sustain.

Worse, by assuming a level of confidence above your skill, you cut off opportunities to learn. Instead of recognizing feedback and calibrating from it, you ignore it. Eventually you give up because you refuse to learn from your mistakes.

It is confidence that has you trying to avoid failure. It is confidence that convinces you to ignore fear.

Courage embraces fear. Courage is recognizing that something else is more important than the fear. Courage is making a choice to take action IN SPITE of fear.

Futhermore, courage does not imply any particular skill level. We all need to practice courage with humility and remain open to the possibility of improvement.

It takes courage to open, courage to escalate, courage to be authentic. Not confidence.

Courage trumps confidence.

GoneSavage

Passion > Excitement

2010-03-02T02:23:00.002-06:00

Passion trumps excitement.

Excitement is how you feel when you discover something new and novel. Passion is pouring your heart and soul into something for years.

Excitement is fleeting. Passion is what you live for.

Excitement is shallow. Passion runs deep.

Excitement can be faked. Passion cannot.

Excitement is external. Passion comes from within.

Excitement is seeing your favorite band play live. Passion is loving music.

Excitement is exploring a new city. Passion is travel.

Excitement is a playmate. Passion is a soulmate.

Excitement is arousal. Passion is love.

See where I'm headed?

Have a passion for learning. Have excitement for techniques.

Have a passion for growth. Have excitement for results.

Have a passion for seduction. Have excitement for pickup.

Have a passion for connection. Have excitement for dating.

Have a passion for sex. Have excitement for new partners, new positions, or new sensations.

Passion is loving women. Excitement is the adventure of getting to know any given woman.

What else?

Do you play to play, or play to win?

2010-02-24T17:27:00.004-06:00

Do you play to play, or play to win?

When an archer shoots for nothing, he has all his skill.
When he shoots for a brass buckle, he is already nervous.
When he shoots for a prize of gold, he goes blind.
He sees two targets, and is out of his mind.

His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him.
He thinks more of winning than of shooting.
And the need to win drains him of power.

The above was said by the Chinese sage, Tranxu, many centuries ago. But, man, if it is not as true today as ever!

When you are playing for the sake of enjoying play, you have all your skill. When you start playing to "win" -- your ego gets involved, and you lose focus.

Learn seduction for fun and pleasure. Because it leads to companionship, intimacy, and lustful sex. Don't lose focus with egoic pursuits such as bragging, writing LRs, or being declared the "greatest" by a fanbase of other men.

Seduction is ultimately about a one-on-one connection. You and her. Stop caring what other people think. Seduction is not a popularity contest.

I'm really particular with guys I teach. I work only with men who want to learn effective seductive (not social) methods of escalation that lead to physical arousal. I work only with men who love sex. I work only with men who love women.

My infield workshops are affordable because I do this for fun. I want to help you drop the useless, arbitrary, and try-hard stuff. Focus on what truly works. Focus on the skillset of seduction and not the number's game of pick-up. Simplicity for the win.

Sincerely, Jason Savage aka "GoneSavage"

PS. Don't forget that the field is king. The field is where theory meets practice. Find me, and I'll show you what I mean.

Do Less -- A Metaphor

2010-02-22T15:03:00.002-06:00

Can you get to Austin from Dallas, by driving through Houston?

Of course you can.

But why would you?

Why not take the simplest, most efficient route?

I'll tell you why...

either a) ignorance or b) ego.

Either you truly do not know that there is a direct route from Dallas to Austin.

Or... there is some reason you are going to Houston first. Some superficial reason that ultimately has no bearing upon your arrival in Austin. Maybe you feel you can't appreciate Austin without experiencing the contrast of Houston. Maybe you feel undeserving of Austin without Houston's approval.

Now, the ignorant guys are fine. We just give them a map.

But what bothers me are the misdirected guys that insist on misdirecting others. "You cannot get to Austin from Dallas without going to Houston first, it's impossible."

They can be quite convincing. "Look, they won't even let a guy from Dallas into Austin unless they feel that he's been to Houston first, that's just the way it is."

So, the guy convinces you that you have to go through Houston to get to Austin. You invariably get lost in Houston, waste lots of precious time, and end up stranded some place like Beaumont. Ew.

I've seen it happen.

When the starting point is the same and the destination is the same, there are lots of routes you can chose to take in making a journey.

Most of us prefer the simplest, most efficient route.

Do less.

Escalation is a direct, yet gradual process. It's non-flashy, forward momentum.

Some things are arbitrary -- like stopping for lunch in Waco.

Some things are a waste of time -- like going through Houston.

When I talk about "do less" I'm talking about identifying what's a waste of time and choosing to take the most efficient route.

Save time. Save money. Save energy and effort.

And let's be honest, don't we all want to get to Austin as quickly as possible?

See you at the Texas Summit.

http://txpuasummit.wordpress.com/

GoneSavage

Savage Compatibility Test

2010-02-15T14:24:00.003-06:00

Are you feeling a little exhausted with this whole online thing? Are your efforts yielding sub-par results? Are you ready to discover what it takes to find someone worthwhile?

Are you ready to stop making mistakes and wasting precious time?

If you're really ready, I'm going to give you all the insights you need. They're all right in front of you in this simple test that is both fun and powerful.

To begin, give yourself 100 points. Proceed accordingly:

1. If all your pictures are from within the last year. Add 10 points.
2. If you have at least one standing, full body picture. Add 10 points.
3. If you have any pictures without you in them (like pets or travel). Subtract 10 points each.
4. If you have pictures showing hairstyles that are not current. Subtract 10 points each.
5. If you have more than one picture with a drink in your hand. Subtract 10 points each.
6. If you have a picture wearing sunglasses. Subtract 20 points.
7. If you have a picture holding someone else's baby. Subtract 30 points.
8. If you have a picture with either an ex or the ex cropped out. Subtract 40 points.
9. If you have a picture of you in a Halloween costume. Subtract 50 points.
10. Wait, if it's a really, really sexy costume. Add 50 points. ;-)

11. If you list your exact age. Add 10 points.
12. If you list your exact, current, honest body type. Add 20 points.
13. If you live outside of Austin, Texas. Subtract 5 points per mile.
14. If you let a guy know you are interested by winking. Subtract 20 points.
15. If you actually take the time to email him instead. Add 20 points.
16. If you like to waste my time with a week's worth of emails. Subtract 30 points.
17. If you believe connection is all about voice and having a real conversation and would rather get me on the phone. Add 30 points.
18. If you have tried eHarmony. Subtract 40 points.
19. If you are also meeting people in the real world. Add 50 points.
20. If you are actually not really single, or you are just goofing around, or you're taking a girlfriend up on a dare, or you have no intentions of meeting real men in real life. Subtract 100 points.

21. If you can admit that looks are important. Add 10 points.
22. If you know that you have a lot more going for you than your looks. Add 20 points.
23. If you look as good without makeup as you do with. Add 30 points.
24. If you can keep a lively, intelligent conversation. Add 40 points.
25. If you call yourself spontaneous, and really, truly mean it. Add 50 points.
26. If you read books, but don't define yourself as an academic. Add 10 points.
27. If you are confident in your career, but still make time for new experiences. Add 10 points.
28. If you like to party, but do so sparingly and responsibly. Add 10 points.
29. If you are intriguing rather than impressive. Add 20 points.
30. If you are trendy rather than original. Subtract 30 points.

31. If you like aquariums. Add 10 points.
32. If you like being photographed. Add 10 points.
33. If you like mayonnaise. Subtract 20 points.
34. If you have your own place with no roommates. Add 30 points.
35. If you listen to music that is not on the radio. Add 40 points.
36. If you actually go to concerts. Add 50 points.
37. If you are writing me to try to get into concerts for free. Subtract 50 points.
38. If you are writing me to get free massages. Subtract 50 points.
39. If you are a Gemini. Subtract 50 points.
40. If you spend more time watching TV than with men, face to face. Subtract 50 points.

41. If you truly love yourself and love being a woman. Add 10 points.
42. If you truly love men and hold no bitterness toward any of us. Add 20 points.
43. If you truly love sex and have a high sex drive. Add 30 points.
44. If you truly love life and see every day as a potential adventure. Add 40 points.
45. If you believe that honesty is not only the best policy, but one of the strongest aphrodisiacs. Add 50 points.
46. If you have come to realize that passionate relationships always being passionately. Add 50 points.
47. If you have come to realize that age is nothing but the number of times we've traveled around the sun. Add 50 points.
48. If you are not afraid to make a man feel desired as a man. Add 50 points.
49. If you fully understand that all we ever have is the present moment. Add 50 points.
50. If you believe that chemistry can be determined by a test or a survey. Subtract 50 points.

51. If you believe that chemistry can only be felt one way: By having fun together in person. Add 100 points.

So how did you do? Did you smile or laugh? Or did you take it waaay too seriously. Just like any other means of meeting people, the key to online success is having fun.

Email me your score and I will ascertain your compatibility based on my tried and true compatibility matching scale. ;-)

What Makes a Woman Sexy?

2010-02-04T02:40:00.003-06:00

A few years ago I was a photographer for a popular men's magazine in Hollywood. One day I did test shoots for two girls. They were both the same age and both aspiring models.

One had all the attributes of natural beauty. She had a nice form and great features. But was she sexy? Not really. She let her hair hang carelessly. Her clothes were plain and they hid her best features. And she carried herself like she didn’t much like herself.

Later, I met a girl who had much less to work with physically. But I have to tell you, she had a lot of sex appeal. I mean a lot. She dressed well. She carried herself with energy. The way she moved and the way she looked at you was very feminine and very sensual. She had this magnetism. I don’t know how else to describe it; she just had a magnetic inner beauty that was very sexy.

It seems that the older I get, the more I appreciate true sexiness, and the better I can articulate what makes a woman sexy. To me, sex appeal has little to do with age, or physical looks, or whether or not you have had children.

It's all about attitude. Being sexy is thinking sexy. Thinking sexy projects inner beauty. It's about confidence, charm, body language, warmth, sensuality, spontaneity, and intelligence.

A sexy woman loves herself. She loves being a woman. She is happy with her body. She loves feeling sexy and thinking sexy and flirting. She enjoys being enjoyed as a woman.

A sexy woman loves men. She sees men as equals, not just as lovers. She would never treat a man in a cold way. There's no bitterness toward men in general, or any one in particular.

A sexy woman loves sex. She knows sexual appreciation is linked to self-esteem. She sees sex as a pleasure, not a chore. As one of the greatest joys of life, not a bargaining chip. She loves when a man can arouse both her body and mind. She knows that sex is the heartbeat of any potential relationship.

A sexy woman loves life. She's always up for a new adventure. She's not afraid to let her hair down. She feels at least five years younger than her actual age. She's knows that life is short and all we take with us are memories.

A sexy woman knows that attraction between a man and a woman is natural. It's automatic. It's always there just beneath the surface. We don't need to impress each other. If it's there, we'll feel it.

A sexy woman is not afraid to make a man feel desired as a man. She has no time for games. She wants to makes him feel like the most irresistible man on Earth.

A sexy woman knows that chemistry is not determined by a test or a survey. There is only one way to feel chemistry: In person.

A sexy woman knows that passionate relationships always start out passionately. It's in those first moments of meeting.

It's the eye contact. It's the butterflies. It's getting closer. It's the first brush of our hands. It's the crackle of tension in the air. It's the way a voice touches your mind just as fingertips would touch your skin.

Chemistry happens in those amazing moments when you just feel at ease, your heart races faster, and you think of the adventures that lie ahead. When this happens, it’s the most electrifying and exhilarating feeling in the world.

What is it that causes two people to become attracted?

Is it a feeling from inside?
Like a magnet drawing him toward you...

Or is it a force from outside?
Like a slingshot shooting you toward him...

A sexy woman knows that it doesn't matter. All that matters is that we took a chance...

Christmas Aquariums

2009-12-10T15:37:00.006-06:00

Just for fun, I decked out three of my four aquariums with Christmas decor. Here they are:

55 Gallon with miscillaneous tropicals including Mollies, Platys, Corys, and Angelfish.

30 Gallon with White Mollies and Red Swordtails.

20 Gallon with Gold Mollies and Bettas. Multiple male bettas are only in the same tank for the photo. As you may know, they have to be housed separately or they will fight each other to the death.

I selected the above image as my Christmas card.

Motivational Posters

2009-12-08T03:10:00.004-06:00

Special thanks to Zan Perrion.

Jealousy vs Territoriality

2009-11-22T06:02:00.007-06:00

An author named Raven Kaldera makes a distinction between jealousy and territoriality.

He takes the conventional view that jealousy has to do with immaturity or psychological defects. Jealousy is "an emotional response based around low self-worth and insecurity."

On the other hand, territoriality is "instinctive rather than emotional, coming out of the survival programming at the base of the brain." He says this is a "special problem for alpha types" who like to mark and defend territory.

"Territoriality doesn't go away by increasing self-esteem." It's all about this primitive, possessive animal inside us.

Kaldera says that jealousy (the self-worth issue) is dealt with by affirmations, assurance, and affection from your partner.

Territoriality (the primitive drive) is dealt with by negotiations and compromise.

However, David Buss, would say that they are one in the same. I'm halfway through The Dangerous Passion which explains how jealousy co-evolved with romantic love and how the two are inseparable. Here are some excerpts:

1. "...jealousy is a blind passion, just as our hunger for sweets and craving for companionship are blind. Jealousy is emotional wisdom, not consciously articulated, passed down to us over millions of years by our successful forebears."

2. "Despite its dangerous manifestations, jealousy helped to solve a critical reproductive quandry for ancestral men. Jealous men were more likely to preserve their valuable commitments for their own children rather than squandering them on the children of rivals."

3. "Husbands in our evolutionary past who failed to care whether a wife succumbed to sex with other men and wives who remained stoic when confronted with their husband's emotional infidelity may be admirable in a certain light.... Non jealous men and women, however, are not our ancestors, having been left in the evolutionary dust by rivals with different passionate sensibilities. We all come from a long lineage of ancestors who possessed the dangerous passion."

The studies and findings are even more interesting, but that's enough to start a discussion. So what do you think? Is jealousy an esteem deficiency or emotional wisdom?

Jealousy vs Envy

2009-11-17T17:29:00.004-06:00

"Jealousy is an emotion that typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust." -- wikipedia

"Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." --wikipedia.

"A man might experience envy of another man who possesses what he wants, but lacks. The husband, however, may be jealous of his beautiful wife if he suspects she is developing an interest in another man. Envy implies covetousness, malice, and ill-will directed at someone who has what you lack; jealousy, in contrast, implies the fear of losing to a rival a valuable partner that you already have." -- David Buss

Please read the above until you feel the distinction.

You are not experiencing jealousy unless you are fearing a potential loss.

You have to have a relationship first.

In this case, your jealousy is directed at her and concern is with your efforts to "keep" her.

What we observe far more often in the community is envy.

1. Guys are envious of other guys because of the women, the lifestyle, the skills, etc, that they possess.

2. Guys are envious of women because of their apparent ease at attracting lovers, both men and women.

(In our society, vagina envy is far more prevalent than penis envy, in my observation.)

Any talk of what to do "when more than one guy likes the same girl" is usually one of envy, since:

1. The girl has no obligation or commitment to either guy.

2. The guy's animosity or frustration is directed at the other (rival) guy, not the girl.

Now, remember I did say fear of a potential loss. That doesn't require a real relationship, only the possibility of creating one.

Here's the thing. Guys will often feel jealousy first in a situation when they realize they have lost a potential connection (and any prior effort/investment was for nil).

Then, notice how quickly his jealousy ('loss' of her) turns to envy (ill-will directed at the him who caused the 'loss').

This is why ideas like 'women belong to the community' and 'they're all my women' don't sit well with scarcity-minded guys.

Discuss.

GS

Soulmates vs Egomates

2009-11-11T05:06:00.002-06:00

"Why is it so hard to find a soulmate? Because most of us are actually searching for egomates instead. We place the most limited and unloving aspects of our minds in charge of our search for love, and then wonder why we aren't succeeding. To the degree that we identify with this false sense of self, and operate on the basis of its limited point of view, we aren't looking for someone to love so much as recruiting fellow actors to take on supporting roles in a favorite melodrama."

-- Carolyn Miller

Yes, and there is one more dimension of utmost importance to us: body-mates, sex-mates, playmates.

Think about it this way. We all have three inner forces, often at odds with one another.

--Your ego wants to do what looks good.

--Your body wants to do what feels good.

--And your soul wants to do what IS GOOD (what is best in the long-run, and what is best for all parties involved).

What sort of mate do you seek?

Game Higher Than Game

2009-11-03T22:46:00.010-06:00

Someone in the local study group was talking about the The Philosophy of Freedom written by Rudolf Steiner in 1893.

He is the creator of Anthroposophy. Wikipedia defines this as "a spiritual philosophy [that]... postulates the existence of an objective, intellectually comprehensible spiritual world accessible to direct experience through inner development — more specifically through cultivating conscientiously a form of thinking independent of sensory experience."

Among Steiner's many controversial ideas, here is one:

There are two powers that tempt us. Sometimes they are hand-in-hand, but most the time they oppose each other. Neither is evil, per se.

One is the influence of Lucifer and the other is the influence of Ahriman.

Your job is not to flee from either, but to strike a balance between the two.

The 'community' is a great lens through which we can look at the distinctions between the Luciferic tendencies and the Ahrimaniac tendencies:

L: Idealizes individuality, arrogance, and grandiosity.
A: Idealizes sameness, unity, and a sense of being part of a larger whole.

L: Loves technology, technique, mathematics, and algorithms.
A: Loves pagan wisdom, the law of attraction, language, and cosmology.

L: Uses communication that is "solid" and "airtight."
A: Uses communication that is flexible and airy.

L: Obsesses over quantitative results; objective measures of value and status.
A: Obsesses over qualitative experiences; subjective things like destiny and serendipity.

L: Has a tendency for frenzy.
A: Has a tendency for tedium.

Remember Rudolf Steiner suggests - as a lifestyle choice - to find the middle ground.

"But the truth of the matter is that Lucifer and Ahriman must be regarded as two scales of a balance and it is we who must hold the beam in equipoise. And how can we train ourselves to do this? By permeating what takes Ahrimanic form within us with a strongly Luciferic element." -Steiner (1919)

So here's the question:

Are you deifying something or someone? Is it perhaps either Lucifer or Ahriman?

I've played with the 'guru' role a bit. I found that praise from other men doesn't excite me like praise from women. (That led to certain self-reflection and balance; and a tale to tell another time.)

I also realized what's going on as far as men getting off on the "ego stroke" of other men.

In short: Men are exploiting other men to impress/chase women.

This is what we call the "game higher than game."

Insidious, for sure. And effective. Look around you - exploiting other men to impress/chase women is the dominant paradigm. Subjugating yourself to women is what is never questioned. This subjugation is the jewel in the crown of capitalism.

Two examples:

--Guy has corporate job (making consumers of fellow men), saves to buy flat screen and nice car in an attempt to impress women.

--Guy takes on role "teaching men to become better men," writes an ebook, charges men for it, puts himself in front of a crowd, and charges men for it. Buys a flat screen and a nice car in an attempt to impress women.

Like I said, this is the dominant model - even with community gurus. There is either a Luciferic tendency (technique, tactics, linear causation, etc) or a Ahrimanic tendency (law of attraction, seductive language, finding your higher self, etc).

The "game higher than game" is selling these ideas to men, then using the primal/primary strategy of displaying resources to actually attract women.

Check it out.

--There are 'Pick Up' instructors that are virgins. I kid you not. (Remember that to instruct is just to transfer an idea intellectually - a vision. To coach is to transfer passion, wisdom, and the subtleties of hard-earned experience.) Yet, I can see that they are motivating men to get off their asses and talk to women. Cool.

--Many of the monetarily richest guys to ever exploit the community have deep intimacy issues. They are caught up in the status-game and trappings of using wealth to chase women. Yet, they are providing value and motivating men to get off their asses and talk to women. Cool.

It has taken some compassionate reflection, but I am comfortable with these examples. Here's why:

Value is subjective. Value is relative. You get to decide what is valuable to you.

You get to chose your lifestyle, your profession, your mentors, your entertainers, and your lovers. You chose your paths, pursuits, and passions. You chose what results you want, what they mean, and how you'll measure them.

You find the balance. You 'hold the beam in equipoise.'

I think a useful attitude to adopt toward community gurus and information marketers is called *for entertainment only.*

You can be a *fan* of something without it changing your life or expecting it to.

I look at community 'gurus' the same way most of us look at authors, actors, musicians, etc.

You're a fan or you're not. That's it. There's varying degrees to which you can be a fan, of course, but you're not trying to BE this person or expecting this person to fix you.

Don't become a fan of something or someone just because a lot of people are following it. Don't become a fan of something or someone just because a lot of people are NOT following it.

Find what resonates with you, find your unique tastes, enjoy them, have fun, support the artists you love, connect with people that share similar tastes, etc.

Let yourself be amused. Seek originality. Seek novelty. Or not. Find your niche.

Enjoy his perspectives, his insights, his frame of mind. Relate to the things he says, connect them with your own experiences, and perhaps develop a whole new assessment on an idea or a situation.

Support him as an artist.

Support him just as you do the bands you like by buying their albums and going to their shows.

You don't have to hinge on an artist's every word. You don't read into (or even notice) every lyric of every song. Some songs stand out, some don't.

My choice to be a fan is based on the music and the message. I don't question a band's motive for making music. I am prone to notice Luciferic or Ahrimanic tendencies, but that does not impact my decision to become a fan.

If they are trying to make it big and have an adoring fanbase, then more power to them. It is really no different than liking a band because they have this passionate need to create (whether recognized or not), when you find music you like.

Just give me something original, something remarkable (worthy of telling a friend about), something to make me smile.

I will never burden an artist with the task of changing my life.

GoneSavage

Notice what motivates people to go to concerts. Really think about it. Bonus question for wannabe instructors:

Why are CD and mp3 sales falling, AND concert sales continually rising?

Matrix vs Patrix

2009-10-12T07:47:00.004-05:00

Once in awhile a community guy will say that he "sees the matrix" or "sees through the matrix" when he has some kind of social revelation or game-related epiphany.

I say, more often than not, he's not seeing the matrix at all -- but the patrix.

The matrix (maternal) is all things natural and instinctual (including sex). The patrix (paternal) is all things cultural and idealogical (including 'game'). This idea is championed by Sam Keen in The Passionate Life.

The matrix is an encompassing "world of love." The "womb" that surrounds us that we are often unaware of because of our preoccupation with separation and trauma.

"Birth teaches us that we are alone."

"Moments after birth, mother and child look at each other as intimate strangers. Each feels the separation that has occurred. Their early seamless being-together has been torn apart. Now they must learn to communicate."

"The first catechism of the flesh is: Mother is anxious; therefore the world is dangerous. Or, Mother is calm; therefore the world is safe."

As such, 'seeing the matrix' would be a realization of connection, bonding, giving and recieving pleasure, not feeling isolated, shared resonance, and familiarity. I see this as any connection of self to women.

The patrix, on the other hand, is a second 'womb' of culture. It is the "world of knowledge." It has to do with the kin, clan, and society in which we are culturalized. Our perspective, our frame, is never neutral.

"The anxiety caused by the threat of abandonment or punishment keeps us within the walls of the garden. An invisible electric fence of conscience, an unconscious barrier enforced by shame and guilt, keeps us within predetermined boundaries."

"The long period of dependency that characterizes human childhood ensures that all of us will reach adulthood being slightly, or severely, schiophrenic. We each have a character, a shell, a set of conditioned responses, performed opinions and unexamined values, a mask or personality we wear in the prescence of our parents and peers."

So, 'seeing the patrix,' is a realization that you are not your programming. Your conditioned response is not the one that serves you best. Freedom gained from first-hand experience trumps assumed truths.

Almost always, the social epiphanies that community guys talk about are best classified as 'seeing the patrix.' Patrix realizations have to do with the percieved control or managed impression of some 'other.'

Patrix realization: I can impose a frame.
Matrix realization: I can have a frame without imposing it.

Patrix realization: Style matters.
Matrix realization: Style does not matter.

Patrix realization: Women love sex.
Matrix realization: Women love sex with me.

Some things that I'm inviting people to think about: Ego drives vs body drives. Connecting with a 'community' (of guys) vs connecting with women. Public realizations ('the field') vs private realizations (the bedroom).

It will come as no surprise (to some of us) that Sam Keen talks a lot about the importance of play and sensation as far as seeing through the patrix and into the matrix. Think about the intensity of the ah-ha moments you have in playful exploration vs the ones you have in moments of seriousness.

"Before the fall into culture the unadapted child, who still exists in the depth of every psyche, is an unashamed hedonist."

He goes on to talk about anhedonia, consensual paranoia, and the idea that normality is the greatest perversion.

Good stuff.

GS

"We are most deeply threatened not by the fires of hell, but by the pleasures of paradise." -Sam Keen

Sex and Happiness

2009-10-05T18:04:00.006-05:00

Some guys locally have been talking about happiness.

Does getting laid make you happy?

Does being happy help you get laid?

Is a man who is not getting laid fundamentally angry?

Is a man who is getting laid fundamentally happy?

Whether sex 'makes you happy' or not is a false dualism.

They are mutually exclusive.

Like anger and playfulness.

Like confidence and esteem.

Like animalistic sex and empathic connection.

Like peanut butter and chocolate.

Three understandings that I encourage (to help you attain more sex, not necessarily more happiness):

1. Animal impulses represent a natural harmony of opposites independent of intimacy, tenderness, acceptance, approval, validation, and other egoic drives.

2. Society portrays SNLs/ONSs/sex-without-love as crude, selfish, and animalistic in an attempt to preserve the institution of marriage. (Average Frustrated Community Guy starts to learn that women love no-strings sex and have insatiable sex drives, but still experiences a lot of guilt from value system programming that prevents him from declaring things like 'I want to have sex with 100s of women.')

3. A single evening of sex can be totally free of mutual exploitation. It can indeed be full of empathy, connection, gratitude, sensuality, eroticism, foreplay, afterplay, and, yes, animalistic fucking. It can be fun, rewarding, and rich while maintaining independence and emotional involvement for all parties.

A good thread would be called "On Lust" and everyone weighs in. That's one topic that - surprisingly - the community rarely talks about.

GoneSavage

PS. I'll tell you why "Ilovethepickupscene." Because I never expected it to change my life. I did not come to the community expecting it to bring me happiness. Or success, or empowerment, or enlightenment, or whatever.

I sucked with women. And I knew that it was only up to me to change that.

I don't feel duped, cheated or misled in any way.

The community is amusing. It's entertaining. It's immensely helpful for getting girls.

It's allowed me to build friendships with men too.

I think that's pretty cool.

Thanks guys.

How to Pick-Up Drunk Girls*

2009-09-22T23:51:00.002-05:00

*Just kidding!

We would never hook-up with drunk girls!

This article is really called:

"How to Meet-Up with a Young Lady after you get her Phone Number in the Nightlife Scene."

Let's begin.

So there's basically three angles to meeting people downtown in the Nightlife Scene.

I'll call them Same Night Love, Social Circle Squaredance, and Normal Guy (Deluxe*).

The way the community puts a lot of emphasis on Same Night Love is just creepy!

Imagine people that have just met that very night having sex in public restrooms, public parks, parking garages, stairwells, rooftops, under bridges, parked vehicles, moving vehicles, and of course "my place" and "your place."

Eeek! Gross!

This is what you can look forward to:

--dealing with the effects of alcohol and other distractions
--the necessity of developing some kind of "skillset" that involves isolation, escalation, calibration, dealing with cockblocks and logistics. (All this stuff that should have nothing to do with getting to know someone.)
--girls you don't really like, that don't really like you!
--really, really bad, sloppy one-time sex!

Social Circle Squaredance is a little different.

Here you're probably just going out to "have fun" and "see what happens" preferring not to actually declare things like "I want to have sex with 100s of women." You'd probably go for Same Night Love if you had the confidence and were over bad social programming. "If it happens it happens; no big deal if it doesn't" is your motto.

Your hook-ups revolve around repeated exposure and opportunity. "Going downtown" becomes your lifestyle and you end up running into the same chicks. You're kinda square, she's kinda square. You both are doing this "we keep running into each other!" little dance. The nightlife scene IS your social circle. Like attracts like. You hookup.

It's not like pulling a girl you just met. But it's not exactly like dating either. It's predicated on nightlife being your choice of lifestyle, and the powerful dynamics of exposure and opportunity.

Your hookups are arguably better "quality" than the SNL guy, but your "quantity" will be FAR less. Plus your degree of effort is WAY higher, since this is your lifestyle.

Allow me to suggest that there is another way.

Bear with me, as this might seem a little bit traditional at first glance.

Let's say you don't mind going downtown once in awhile, even if it is just to bar-hop and socialize. You certainly don't want to make it your lifestyle. When you are downtown, you probably have this nagging feeling that there are a hundred other better things you could be doing with your time. Yet, look at all this sexual/social opportunity!

Think about it this way. We all have three inner forces, often at odds with one another.

--Your body wants to do what feels good.
--Your ego wants to do what looks good.
--And your conscience wants to do what IS GOOD; what is best in the long-run, and what is best for all parties involved.

The SNL guy is about satiating bodily cravings and sexual appetites. The Social Circle guy is all about ego, image, and lifestyle.

What about you?

Suppose these are some of your ideals:

--sex is great, but there are other important aspects of life
--socializing is great, but there are other important aspects of life
--I want to minimize my effort and maximize my return on investment
--I don't mind delaying gratification if it means a bigger better deal later
--I really don't want to deal with girls that are drunk or otherwise intoxicated

You follow me?

Introducing the Normal Guy Game (Deluxe*) Strategy for Meeting-Up with a Young Lady after you get her Phone Number in the Nightlife Scene...

So, go out and chat with a woman. Concern yourself less with displaying your value and isolation, escalation, calibration, logistics and all that crap.

Concern yourself more with displaying your curiosity and getting to know her.

Get her number. "Hey, let me get your number," is a pretty good bet.

Pretty normal so far.

Now you go home and you have a number. Perhaps, you even have several numbers.

No big deal.

I say this all the time:

A phone number is a punctuation mark.

Nothing more. Sometimes it's a question mark. Sometimes it's an ellipse...

But most of the time, it's a PERIOD.

That's it. That's all you get. Game over.

My point is: If you think getting a girl's phone number is some kind of special 'result' or achievement in-and-of itself, then you are woefully missing the mark.

I also say this all the time:

Sleep is the great eraser.

This means that by morning, you are just another dude she met downtown. Often, no matter how strong the connection seemed or how distinct you think you came across, you are just another guy that she gave her number to; a guy she barely remembers by morning.

These dynamics apply to Normal Guys.

But this is Deluxe* for a reason. Because with a series of power moves you can change this dynamic and have a definitive statistical advantage in continuing the encounter.

*An advanced, practical, psychologically-based system that dramatically increases the odds of continuing the connection.

Check it out.

The first power move is:

Get Your NAME into her phone.

Don't just "get her number" but make sure she has yours too, stored with your name. First and last name is awesome.

Dial her number and give her time to store your name, or have her hand you her phone and type in your number and name.

If you are pressed for time, as you often are, I'd spend more time ensuring that she has my name in there than I would on screening, connecting or any of that other stuff. This is to increase recognition and recall when you start communicating by phone.

Once this is accomplished, you can simply say. "It was great meeting you. I have to get back to my friends. We'll be in touch." Don't worry about continuing the interaction or setting up a date or anything else, getting your number and name into her phone is the most important thing you can do on the first meet.

The second power move is this:

Send her a text THE SAME NIGHT.

Remember, sleep is the great eraser. Talk all you want, but only communications with a written record are going to survive until the morning.

The best text has something to do with callback, perception, and her.

"Jen, its rare to meet a girl downtown who is both sexy AND intelligent. I like that."

"Jen, I appreciate the fact that you're a good dancer, AND into comic books. Nice."

Something like that. Be as specific and use as much recall as you can.

Remember that confidence and interest are inversely proportional. This is statement of confidence more than a gauge of interest. Notice what I am not doing: I am not making an invitation. I am not asking a question. I am not giving her a call to action. I am not seeking a response at all.

If you DO get a response that night, even as simple as "thank you," you are well on your way.

Here is something else to keep in mind with texting. ANY response is a 'green light.' The only 'red light' is no response. If she has decided to send you a 'fuck off' signal, she will simply stop responding.

Now, at MOST, I send two texts same-night. The second is just as powerful.

"Jen, text me and let me know you made it in safely. My parents raised me to be a gentleman... ;-)"

*change 'you' to 'you two' or 'you guys' to account for her group.

*add 'and I should have walked you to your car' when it seems appropriate.

Man, this is strong. It is high confidence with a specific (low effort) call-to-action (gauge of interest). When I get a "I didn't read this until I got up. We made it in just fine. Thanks for asking" type response, I know it is all smooth sailing from there.

The third power move:

Use Texting to Strategically Strengthen the Connection

Guys have this aversion to taking numbers at night partially because of the tendencies I mentioned above (sleep is the great eraser, the number is often thought to be a dead end). It's partially because of the anxiety that remote communication, sober, in the daylight can produce. And partially because of this idea of "I got her number, but I don't think I had time to make it solid."

If SNL Guy taught you anything, is that time does not have to be a factor.

Guys learn about these great ideas like screening and qualifying, and they think they have to do these things before they get her number. Then there's this 'time-bridge' and then you just pick up where you left off. Right?

The prevailing ideas seem to be: I will take it as far as I can on first meet. I will get a number only if I have to because of 'bad' logistics. I will text/call her if I feel the number was 'solid.'

There is also this notion that texting is only for inviting her out and not for strategically strengthening the connection.

So, my idea here is a reality shift: On the first meet, take it only as far as getting her number and getting your name in her phone. Intentionally go for phone numbers. Then, make them 'solid' with confident communication.

What I am suggesting is using the medium of texting for explicit qualification and implicit framing before you make any invites. This becomes an interplay of confidence and interest (sometimes called push-pull).

"The more interested we are in something or someone, the more consumed and concerned we will be with our ability to obtain the object of our interest. Our perspective narrows, and we become hyper-focused. We observe interest through the lens of confidence, and vice-versa" -Lieberman

That's what I'm doing with texting: I am observing interest. What I want is for her to be hyper-focused and displaying interest in me. (Sober, discerning, next-day, remote interest, I might specify.)

This is big leap of understanding from the community ideas of the 'alpha male' SNL caveman and the Social Circle opportunist that prey on drunk girls.

Specific examples with follow.

I will then explain how I keep effort low and mood high.

And have a close rate higher than I ever did with SNL intent.

And having remarkable, repeat-performance-worthy sex with completely sober girls.

Stay tuned.

Self-Esteem vs Self-Confidence

2009-09-21T21:52:00.004-05:00

David Lieberman points out that there are three primary and four secondary factors that lead readily to the prediction of a persons thoughts, attitudes, and actions in any situation.

Primary:

Self-esteem -- the degree to which a person likes himself or feels worthy
Confidence -- the degree to which a person feels competent and effective, given the situation
Interest -- the degree to which a person cares about what is at stake

Secondary:

Effort -- how much work is needed to achieve the objective
Justification -- an image (often inconsistent with reality) that a person hopes to perpetuate
Beliefs -- anything a person holds to be true, whether or not it is consistent with fact
Mood -- a person's current state of mind, as it relates to circumstances

Some realizations:

Self-esteem is intertwined with self-control. To control means to promote long-term gratification and invest in a delayed well-being.

To say someone has low self-esteem means only that he is given to instant pleasure, impulse, and immediate gratification. He is prone to distractions, entertainment, and seeking self-worth as a reflection of others' opinions.

I recognize that I am going out of my way to present a picture of low self-esteem without judgement to protect my own ego and also to justify statements such as:

Every guy involved in the pick-up community has low self-esteem.

Let's look closer:

Low self-esteem means your focus is on these things: in the now (the present), instant gratification, pleasure and fun, comfort, selfish satisfaction, and satiating appetites.

"We often deceive ourselves into believing what we are doing is important, so we can still pursue what is fun, yet gain a feeling of relevance. We slap meaning onto nonsense, telling ourselves and others that what we're doing has significance, when we know deep down that we're seeking to justify the continuity of our actions." --Lieberman

The community goes to great lenghts to justify the 'worthiness' of living in the moment, bodily pleasures, going for self, quick fixes, and speedy satisfaction.

Keep in mind that self-esteem and self-confidence are very, very different. Let us never confuse the two.

High self-esteem guys (motivated by delayed gratification; free from ego, overindulgence, and bodily drives) find too much dissonance with the community and never get involved!

Yet, there are many confident guys in the community.

Confidence (belief in competence and effectiveness) is really all the community can teach since it is founded on the core values of low self-esteem.

'Inner game' (as a measure of self-esteem) produces too much dissonance with the core values of the community. There is no place for high self-esteem here.

'Inner game' (as a measure of unconscious competence / confidence) is exactly what we have to work with here in the community. All 'inner game' products and discussion have to do with confidence, not esteem!

'Inner-game' (Look at the very term; self-play) has nothing to do with raising esteem.

Marketers have to be careful.

You want to create products that heighten confidence and interest, but lower self-esteem.

(Low self-esteem manifests both as being a doormat and as being arrogant.)

Similarly, self-esteem and ego are inversely related. The greater the self-esteem, the smaller the ego.

Ego is the glue bonding our self-concept to our values and behaviors. Ego seeks consistency regardless of whether it is in our best interest.

The community is here for an ego boost.

The most massive, screaming egos are the guys with the lowest self-esteem.

"No matter how much a person appears to be happy with himself, if he has a big ego, he is not -- he is miserable. The statement is not conjecture, but a law of human nature -- it is psychological math. So insidious is this law, that a person may actually think he likes himself while his behaviour betrays his real feelings." --Lieberman

Make no mistake, the community has no need for high-self esteem.

That is why 'inner game' focuses on ALL the other factors: confidence (a sense of unconscious competence), interest (investment, intentionality) mood ('state control'), effort (haha, I talk about this one a lot), beliefs ('alpha attitude'), and justifications (rationalizing low self-esteem).

Going deeper:

AFC (ideal community target) = low self-esteem, mid/low self-confidence, high self-interest.

PUA (guru/ego) = low self-esteem, high-self confidence, high self-interest.

Low self-esteem is the common denominator.

Again, the community has no use for a high self-esteem guy. And he has no use for the community.

He does not need to prove anything. His focus is on long-term. His focus is on doing what is right for others. He is not self-conscious. His focus is always on the higher moral ground. His mood/state does not affect his actions.

KJing has to do with low confidence, high interest.

"Guys seeking sex per say" has to do with high confidence, high interest.

When a person has high confidence, high interest, and (relatively) high self-esteem he is 'in the zone.'

Here's the thing. Confidence and interest are inversely related.

It is rare to have high interest and high confidence at the same time.

"Everything you want in life is outside of your comfort zone; if this weren't true, you'd already have it." -Zan

"When self-interest is assumed, a person's level of confidence becomes the dominant influential factor. Because confidence and interest are inversely related, the person's thoughts, feelings, and subsequent actions are based on how badly he wants 'it' versus his perceived chances of being successful." -Lieberman

Assuming a genuine interest, inner game/self-play boils down to confidence.

Confidence boils down to competence.

unconscious incompetence -- you're unaware that you suck
conscious incompetence -- you are aware that you suck, you find the community
conscious competence -- you're getting good, but awareness is needed all the time
unconscious competence -- you're good without paying attention or thinking about it

The fundamentals of inner game:

--Awareness is everything
--Do the drills, get the skills
--The external shapes the internal
--These truisms COME FROM hard-earned, practical advice

If you are involved in the community and can't agree that 'inner game' comes down to confidence (and confidence comes from action and gaining experience), then you might consider that:

--The perceived pain of external effort keeps you sedentary
--You cannot align with the narrow low self-esteem values of the community
--You can't justify the guilt or shame you feel toward natural human sexuality
--Your mood (the shadow of low self-esteem) continuously overrides action

In other words, your secondary factors are outweighing the primary. Of course, the community deals with these to an extent:

--Adjusting effort
--Finding better justifications
--Reframing beliefs
--Enhancing mood ('boosting state')

Again, these are secondary. First examine esteem, confidence, and interest.

To reiterate: There is no place for esteem in the community.

So it comes down to confidence and interest. Inversely related, of course.

You're really going to love this:

"...compliance or cooperation is highest when a person with low self-esteem is in a good mood, effort is low and what is at stake is relatively high. We should add that confidence is rarely a factor when there is no self-interest, as confidence is a function of interest -- inversely related." --Lieberman

Low self-esteem. Check.
Good mood. Check.
Low effort. Check.

Confidence: Is there and doubt you could have this guy if you wanted him? "Haha. No doubt."

Interest: Do you want him? "Uh... I just remembered, I have a boyfriend."

One guy in the local community says: "You need to put up some token resistance of your own to make her feel validated in her attraction to you, make her feel that she 'won' something."

Another guy in the local community says: You have to "disrespect her enough so she then wants to fuck you to re-obtain validation."

It's psychological math.

The game is played in Confidence and Interest.

GoneSavage

Fair Fight Rules

2009-09-02T22:34:00.002-05:00

1. We will deal with only one issue at a time. This is to avoid the 'kitchen sink' effect where people throw in all their complaints, and nothing gets resolved.

2. We will not 'hit below the belt.' Attacking the other person's area of greatest personal sensitivity is counterproductive; it sets up an atmosphere of distrust.

3. We will not insult each other. This includes labelling, psychoanalysing, commanding, threatening, preaching, moralizing, or changing the subject.

4. We will not generalize. Generalizations are exaggerations of the facts, such as saying "you never..." or "you always..."

5. We will keep the discussion in the present. If a current situation resembles an old one, we will deal with the current situation without digging up the past.

6.We will not 'stock pile.' We will avoid storing little grievances and letting them build up into an inflammable pile of hurt feelings.

7. We will not 'make believe.' This includes pretending to have feelings or not expressing feelings in an attempt to keep the peace or protect the other person.

8. We will not overreact. An extreme response frightens people away; this includes threatening to move out, threatening to break up, and threatening to harm oneself.

9. We will not give each other the 'silent treatment.' This is a form of emotional violence that is very demeaning and disrespectful.

Radicalism of Mailer

2009-08-26T02:11:00.002-05:00

1. Sexual vanity probably has an inverse proportion to sexual sophistication. When we're young, we have to believe we're the greatest gift given to women because if we didn't, we would know how truly bad we are. When I was a kid, I remember I had an older cousin who was immensely successful with women. And I was always obsessed with performance. He used to say to me, 'You're wrong on that; performance has nothing to do with it.' I never knew what he meant. It took years -- he was considerably older than me -- to come to understand what he was talking about. Performance is empty sex. Performance is push-ups. I mean, we've all had the experience of making love for hours, and getting that airless, tight, exhausted feeling, you know, my God, will she ever come? For God's sake, please, God, please, let her come! I have a bad back today and one of the reasons is that I worked so hard when I was younger.

2. The connection of female sexuality with cats is not for too little. You cannot dominate a cat with your will. If you do, the cat goes right around you. Sexuality is the same way: Can't dominate it. So over the years, as you come to recognize this, you begin to approach it from the side, so to speak.

3. Pictures of men and women making love is not going to hurt people as much as it's going to help them. It gives them -- and I would include pornographic movies -- an education in that part of sex which is universal, as opposed to that part that is particular. Those tragedies of high school kids who get married too young, only to discover three, five, eight years later, with a couple of children between them, that they weren't meant for one another at all -- and so split -- come about because sex is so compelling when they're young and they know so little about it. That's a profound error we've all made one way or another. We mistake the beauties of sex for all the beauties of the particular person that we're with, that is, think the particular person beautiful because of the sexual feelings they arouse in us. We don't understand those feelings are more or less universal, and could be felt with someone else. The faculty of choice is not present.

4. My sexuality, I expect, is aroused by knowledge. The moment I know more than before, I'm excited. Those gritty Poloroid shots in Hustler are often more interesting. They communicate. You know, the picture of some waitress in Sioux Falls. I know more at that moment about Sioux Falls, about waitresses -- even if they're lying, even if she isn't a waitress, there's something about the very manifest of the lie that is fascinating. It arouses curiosity. Whereas superb pictures of models can get boring. There tends to be a sameness in them. Aren't enough flaws present. The very question of the sordid is tricky.

5. As you get older, you need fantasy less and less. Let me put it this way: Fantasy gives resonance to sex so long as it's on the threshold of reality. If two people make love and play a little game, and pretend they're other people, well, that's perfectly all right. Finally they have to do the acting job. It's not just fantasy. But if a man and a woman are making love, and the man secretly thinks that he's fucking the Countess Eloise of Bulgaria, and the woman is visualizing a stud from Harlem for herself, then they're in trouble whether they know it or not. Essentially they are masturbating.

6. The innermost parts of the female body exposed, that gets me hot. A fine pair of breast, a beautiful ass. Hands can get me, not hot, but started. I mean, some women have beautiful hands. It's really not important. To find a woman attractive there has to be some one feature that truly keeps pulling you back. It could be her face, her hands, it could be her toes -- you don't have to be a shrimper to love a woman's feet, because it isn't literally the feet that turn you on. A certain statement about the private nature of that woman's sexuality is in the part of the body that excites you.

7. I will make one general observation: It's very dangerous to stick it up a woman's ass. It tends to make them more promiscuous.... A woman doesn't want it up the ass because she's doing her best to be faithful to that dull pup she's got for a man, and she knows if it blasts into the center of her stubbornness, that's the end of it. She won't be able to hold her fidelity any longer.

8. People with conventional lives very often are tremendously drawn to orgiastic sex. That's their artistic expression. That's the way in which they are fighting society.... I mean, Saturday night they have a ball with their friends, who either live next door in the next ranch house, or they drive 300 miles to see some other swinging couple. On Sunday they all go to church together. And they're giggling a little. They're living two lives at once. They were having that ball last night, the four of them, now they're in church together. And nobody's going to know. Some people can only feel a sense of balance and satisfaction, happiness, I might say, if they're living two lives at once. Orgiastic life provides that. Orgiastic life provides a lot of solutions for people.

9. It's my general experience that if you don't feel jealousy at all, a woman will have profound doubt of your love. A little jealousy is marvelously aphrodesical, you know that, but real jealousy, when it takes over, is delusional, and has all the dirty pleasures of delusion. Delusion is one the of the most profound forms of mental activity. If we have a delusion, we are, in effect, a detective on the scent of a case, picking up clues all over the place.

10. Love asks that we be a little braver than is comfortable for us, a little more generous, a little more flexible. It means living on the edge more than we care to. Love is always in danger of being the most painful single emotion we can ever feel, other than perhaps a sudden knowledge of our own death. La Rochefoucauld has that wonderful remark that half the people in the world would never have fallen in love if they had not heard of the word. I think that most people I know, maybe three-quarters of the people I know, have never been deeply in love.

11. It isn't that love is blind. Love has intense, laser-like tunnel vision, you know, which probably would be a closer way of describing the nature of how love sees.

Norman Mailer

Wild Nights

2009-08-21T04:40:00.003-05:00

"You know what I mean by sex, don't you? The whole damn thing. It's not just pussy and cock. It's homes and children and security and comfort. It's jealousy and loneliness and hope. It's time itself. Everyone wants to get laid. Really laid. Some seek it through making money, or having a family, or achieving power or fame. But it's fuck they want. Fuck. To be smithereened in bliss, opened beyond all limits, loved absolutely, to give themselves completely - to infinity. Fuck."

"When you fuck a woman, you want to breathe the light down and fill her. It's a rhythmic thing, the pulse of the universe. Bam, bam, bam, radiating out from the center, nobody in the way, the Great One radiating out as fuck, shining as all things, alive as love. Women know this, intuitively. Women know in their bodies that God is fuck, but few get the chance to really open, you know. So they settle for babies and a nice house."

"It's just that every woman is the universe. Every woman is She, and so she waits for He, and he never quite gets there. He never quite makes it to that second notch, where fuck becomes more than sex, where it becomes the pulse of God, and the woman knows who she is because the man knows who she is and fucks her as she is. Breathe the Great One down into you and fuck her open as you both open without end, hitting that second notch over and over, which isn't a physical place in her pussy so much as it is the place in her heart that is unseparate from you."

"A woman's energy sometimes seems chaotic, but she is only waiting to be known, recognized for who she is. She intuits that your recognition of her is somehow necessary for her recognition of herself. She needs to be seen to know herself, because she is light, she is all, and when she is seen fully, when you really see her as she is, then she dies in bliss."

David Deida

A of S: Calculated Surprise

2009-08-16T21:02:00.005-05:00

Just finished up a joint lair talk with Gamer in Austin on Thursday, and a lair talk in Dallas on Friday followed by a Saturday night in-field bootcamp. Multiple students asked about The Art of Seduction. Often, I wish guys would just read this book - come up with their own ideas to experiment with - and not get sucked into the seduction of the community. It would be a challenge, no doubt, but well worth the effort. The way I would suggest reading the book is to skip the historic anecdotes and all the supplemental material in the margins. Just read the Interpretation, the Keys to the Seduction, and the Reversal. Plus, I've decided to post up some of the most radical and relevant passages:

Page 248

"People are bored, not only with their own lives but with people who are meant to keep them from being bored. The minute they feel they can predict your next step, they will eat you alive.... Always keep a surprise up your sleeve. To keep the public's attention, keep them guessing. Let the moralists accuse you of insincerity, of having no core or center. They are actually jealous of the freedom and playfulness you reveal in your public persona.

Finally, you might think it wiser to present yourself as someone reliable, not given to caprice. If so, you are in fact merely timid. It takes courage and effort to mount a seduction. Reliability is fine for drawing people in, but stay reliable and you stay a bore. Dogs are reliable, a seducer is not. If, on the other hand, you prefer to improvise, imagining that any kind of planning or calculation is antithetical to the spirit of surprise, you are making a grave mistake. Constant improvisation means you are lazy, thinking only about yourself. What often seduces a person is the feeling that you have expanded effort on their behalf. You do not need to trumpet this too loudly, but make it clear in the gifts you make, the little journeys you plan, the little teases you lure people with. Little efforts like these will be more than amply rewarded by the conquest of the heart and willpower of the seduced."

First, I'm of the Zanism that "Women are to be celebrated, not conquered."

But I love this idea:

Reliability = timidity
Constant improvisation = laziness + selfishness

Calculation + surprise = leading with suspense

"...the irresistible lure of being led by another person..."

"...suddenly surprise them with some bold or poetic or naughty action."

"It is the pleasure a woman has in being led by a confident dancer, letting go of any defensiveness she may feel and letting another person do the work."

"...surprise creates a moment when people's defenses come down and new emotions can rush in."

Robert Greene

Women Think of One Thing Only...

2009-08-10T06:50:00.004-05:00

I'm curious as to what your experiences have been like meeting guys online... It seems every woman has her horror stories.

I talked to this one woman who said she'd hooked up with three guys online... the first was an aggressive asshole.

The second was a passive coward who walked out on her after the first little argument.

And the third, well, he was absolutely horrible in bed.

So, after three bad experiences, she was ready to give up. But she decided to take a chance with a guy she would not normally go for.

It was a man in a wheel chair. They chatted on the phone and had this instantaneous connection. They both knew that hooking up was inevitable.

So they decided to go with this feeling and meet that night.

She invited him over, and before long she heard the doorbell ring. She answered, and there on the front porch was this man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

The man reminded her of the three prior lovers and said "As you can see, I have no arms so I will never hit you, and I have no legs so I will never walk away when times are tough."

The woman replied, "Yeah yeah, but are you good in bed?"

And the man said with a smirk, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

Haha. Can you believe that? Nothing to worry about except some long hard cock!

Women are so sex-obsessed!

GoneSavage

Taming the Dragon

2009-08-08T19:48:00.005-05:00

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was captured by a fire-breathing dragon and imprisoned at the top of a castle tower. Knights came from far and wide to try and rescue her, but one by one the dragon that guarded the bottom of the castle turned them to toast.

But then, a knight who was more savvy and more savage than the rest - who knew a thing or two about dragons - appeared. Armed with his sword and shield, he conquered the dragon and rescued the princess - who joined him on the back of the dragon - and they all flew off to the Bahamas.

This story is ripe with metaphors. The shield represents wisdom. The sword represents will.

The dragon represents sexual tension. Note that the knight conquered the dragon - he did not kill it. We mustn't kill the dragon because we need it. For relationships to thrive, sexual tension must be harnessed, not suppressed.

Now, for anyone who thinks I am placing undue importance on the subject of sex, I will state the case unequivocolly: There is nothing more important and nothing more powerful. Sex is the glue that holds relationships together. Sex is the only force capable of awakening a relationship's or a person's potential.

A man who is comfortable with his own sexuality, understands a woman’s sexuality, and has no problem talking openly and candidly about sex is a very attractive man. This is the guy that deeply arouses a woman and enjoys the passionate nuances of unselfish sex.

Discussing sex is healthy. Arguing against repression is not a promotion of promiscuity.

The PUA seeks women as a hunter looks for prey. His motivation is hunger. He is a taker and his sex is selfish. Of course, like attracts like, and the women he hooks up with are equally selfish. They are little more than empty vessels receiving his eager energy and attention.

Every step in the direction of promiscuity makes a further step in that direction more likely. The PUA develops a pattern that weakens his vitality and destroys his creative capacity. He has become enslaved by his desires. He wastes opportunity to fulfil higher purposes.

Masculinity is a magnificent instrument with limitless strings, are you content to pluck away at the bottom one over and over again?

GoneSavage

To Have Fun, Be Fun!

2009-08-07T04:08:00.002-05:00

Let's face it. Women today are frustrated. In these high-tech times, few women can get through the day without encountering some form of frustration.

Here's the thing. As my recent informal survey reveals, the source of this frustration is increasingly a result of romantic relationships with MEN!

Consider this:

45 out of 50 women report that their men always were white socks - even with black shoes!

48 out of 50 report regularly having to put the toilet seat down.

A full 50 out of 50 women have been preempted by a televised sporting event!

Then when I found out that American women spend $500 million a year buying vibrators, I knew something had to be done. I knew I had to put myself out there. I am going to do my part to put these 'toys' out of service!

Here is my promise:

I will never put you in a car and say, "so where do you want to go?" I like to remain a bit unpredictable, but I guarantee fun. You can just sit back and trust my lead.

I will never flirt with your sister, flirt with your mother, criticize your friends, or ignore you in public. When I am with you, I give you my full attention (because I like the same).

I will never claim ignorance in bedmaking, lovemaking, ironing, cleaning or cooking. Around here, I do the cooking (and usually the dishes).

I will not buy tickets to MY favorite concert or sporting event for YOUR birthday.

I will not ask for a backrub and never offer one.

I will kiss you right and kiss you often.

GoneSavage

Butterfly Metaphor

2009-08-05T07:10:00.003-05:00

I'll give you my take on relationships...

Your presence in my life is like that of a butterfly landing on my hand. I delight in you. I appreciate what makes you special.

I may curl my hand up a bit to protect you from the wind and let you relax.

I admire all that makes you fascinating for as long as you want to stay. I will never insist that you have to leave.

But, at the same time, you will always be free to fly away.

I will not close my hands around you, restrict your movement, and keep you close at all costs.

You are not my possession. If you decide that you will be happier somewhere else, I always will allow that freedom.

I may very much want you to stay. But if you go, I understand.

Either way, you have my highest respect.

I’ll miss you when you go. And you’ll always have a fan out there, me. :-D

a paraphrase of classic Zan Perrion

Pleasure & Leisure

2009-08-05T05:04:00.004-05:00

It's okay to have a good time!
Pleasure is on the brink of extinction!
Let's eat cake, drink wine, and lay in a hammock and stare at the stars!
Excess may be bad, but self-deprivation is just stupid!
A life lived without pleasure, beauty, and leisure is a sad and wasted life!
"Mingle and Tingle" Pool Party at Caligula's place!
Hypocrisy and denial makes hedonism more trilling than ever!
Let's drink, make love, and laugh the day away!
I am bold and unapologetic in my quest for satisfaction!
Embracing pleasure is not selfish, it is the height of selflessness!
Share happiness and intoxicating joy with those around you!
Energy is a valuable commodity, use it to cultivate happiness and pleasure!
A silly dream is better than no dream at all!

Underrated pleasures:

thoughtful conversation
meaningful reflection
spontaneous laughter
hour long lunches
afternoon siestas
sunbathing
floating in water
making out in the rain
sleeping in
afternoon cocktails
dirty dancing
reading in a hammock
candlelit baths for two
playing on the swings
flirting shamelessly
watching the stars
sitting by a campfire
sinking into a hot tub
extended foreplay
sensual massage
travel by train
communing with nature
artistic expression
a cozy bed
true love
hot sex
unbridled affection

Inspired by Michael Flocker

Signs You're In Too Deep

2009-08-04T02:29:00.006-05:00

1. You can't look at a woman without rating her on a 1-10 scale.

2. Most of your "friends" have online aliases and you only hang out "in field."

3. You have more gigabytes of bootlegged pick-up products than personal photos and music combined.

4. You discount people in thriving relationships because they did not begin as "pure cold approach night game."

5. You are obsessed with things like value, compliance, calibration, qualification, isolation, escalation, and social proof.

6. You'll spend thousands of dollars on workshops and bootcamps, but won't buy a girl a drink.

7. Your only hobbies are seeking the attention of women and seeking the approval of an anonymous online community of guys.

8. You are unable to stay at home on a Saturday night without thinking of all the "sets" you should be "opening."

9. You buy New Rock boots to match your feather boa.

10. Your conversations regularly revolve around the lives of PUAs and other Internet marketers, rather than your own life.

11. You do pretty accurate impressions of multiple PUAs to impress other community guys.

12. If you do get a woman in bed, you're thinking more about writing the "lay report" rather than actually connecting with the unique woman that you're penetrating.

GoneSavage

Accept Pain, But Don't Nourish It

2009-07-22T01:25:00.003-05:00

Bears like honey. And a bear will go after honey, no matter what. The bear sticks its paw in the beehive to get honey. The bees sting him relentlessly. His body and face quickly swell from bee stings, but he continues to go after the honey. No matter the stings, no matter the pain, he cannot give up his desire. The intelligent bear, though, will pick up a beehive and throw it in the river. The bees, fearing they’ll drown, fly away. The bear then retrieves the beehive from the river and enjoys the honey.

The world is like the stinging bees. We continually go after things that cause pain. We are stung constantly. But isn’t the sting of the world worth the honey? The intelligent person accepts pain but does not nourish it. She doesn’t give it room in her house. If you nourish pain or loneliness or doubt, you give it a room in your house. You allow it to occupy a space within you. Clean your house of this clutter. Sweep these things from your heart. Make space for joy, happiness, and bliss.

From When You Hear Hoofbeats Think of a Zebra by Shems Fridlander

By the way, my personal favorite blog post is called "Self -Pity is the World's Greatest Addiction."

Off to Orlando for the 21 Convention!

GoneSavage

Criticism

2009-07-15T11:26:00.002-05:00

Ignore the critics and embrace the criticism.

Online critics are motivated by a need for attention. They want you to notice them and to censor them and to fight back. That's the goal. So ignore the harshest ones.

But don't ignore what they say. This is valuable feedback. It's free and it's quick and it's useful. It points to a thousand ways you can dramatically improve your product -- before it's too late. If you quickly embrace the essence of the feedback (without defensiveness) then you win.

--Seth Godin

The 21 Convention

2009-07-14T18:52:00.009-05:00

My speech last Friday, 7-10, went amazingly well. There were 43 people in attendance in a remote location. I talked for 2 hours. No problem. I wanted to keep going, and I did unofficially after I was off the stage.

So now I am embracing the challenge of condensing this information into a short presentation for The 21 Convention in Orlando.

This is an affordably priced 4-day shindig that starts on Thursday, July 23rd.

I will be speaking on Sunday, July 26th.

The 21 Convention is in it's third year and is hosted by a guy who goes by Dream. Presenting this year is El Topo (realistically the best 'PUA' around), DJ Fuji (a student of mine from 2006), and Vin DiCarlo (a fellow ASF contributor circa 2005). Plus a bunch of other reputable guys like Adam Lyons and Entropy.

If you live in Orlando or are otherwise attending The 21 Convention, I would love to hear from you.

It is also noteworthy that I began my second-wave of promiscuity while road-tripping through Gainesville and Orlando in April 2005. Eventually this trip took me up the east coast to Montreal, then west to SF, LA, LV, and Burning Man. So this is a homecoming of sorts.

Reading these "Love Reports" will give you a good idea of how I operate, how I've been resonating on a different frequency, even back then:

LR: Florida: Banging a Bookstore Babe
LR: Orlando: If This Van's a Rockin'
LR: Orlando: Score at the Virgin-MegaStore
(aka Penetrating The Tail of the Little Mermaid)

I'm also giving a free one-hour-plus phone consultation with anyone confirmed as attending The 21 Convention who also reads my blog. Familiarize yourself with the above LRs and the Two Paths first, then email me.

GoneSavage

For Those in Austin...

2009-07-08T21:48:00.002-05:00

Anti-Depressants and The Pill

2009-07-05T09:08:00.009-05:00

Drugs: A great topic to discuss early on with your potential paramours. I have no problem point-blank asking women what drugs they take, either of the illegal sort or the over-prescribed sort. At a recent workshop, a student of mine asked "Won't that sort of question weird a girl out?"

First of all, if you're trying so-hard to ensure that she's comfortable, then you are woefully missing the point of masculine directive. Second, anything you ask coming from a place of genuine curiosity will almost always be answered without resistance. If not, then you just screened an emotionally insulated individual out of your reality. Third, even if you are not screening against drug use, it is still an important aspect of mutual understanding, worthy of bringing right out in the open.

For the record, I don't do any drugs - not even vitamins. When I was on Path 2 - the pursuit of casual sex - I would bring up this topic, not to screen women, but basically to get a snapshot of who I was dealing with. "If she's crazy in the head, she's crazy in bed" is absolutely true in my experience. If you're down for a single night of wild sex, or a short term fling, there is no point screening out a girl just because she does drugs. Remember that the key to Path 2 is providing a sense of non-judgement. This does not mean non-disclosure. Foreplay begins with conversation. The more taboo topics you can bring up, and accept without judgement, the more trust she will have for you as a sex partner.

But this article is about Path 1. Wild and loud sex does not necessarily mean good sex. There is a huge difference between a deeply emotive sexual connection and mutually scratching a basic biological itch. In seeking a committed relationship, I'm looking for a true sexual connection that permits longevity and continuity.

Finding a woman that is drug free is essential to this vision.

Using the research of John Young, I'm going to talk about the two most prevalent types of drugs and how they affect a woman's sexual drives and desires. (All studies are cited at his website.)

Anti-Depressants

According to Scientific American, "one in three doctor’s office visits by women involved the prescription of an antidepressant, either for the writing of a new prescription or for the maintenance of an existing one, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."

One third of women in the US are on some form of antidepressant. 60% of women on antidepressants report noticeable decline in sex drive or other sexual dysfunction. In fact, the same drugs are prescribed to sex offenders for the explicit reason of decreasing their sex drive!

Young reminds us: "With a few exceptions for various organic brain problems; most people are on anti-depressants because that's what insurance companies push as a quick-fix; not because of some sort of genetically-inspired imbalance of neurotransmitters. It's simply cheaper to put a depressed woman on a psychoactive drug than to pay for therapy to figure out why she is depressed and fix it."

The pills are just a cover up. They mask the symptoms and don't even begin to tackle the core issue that is making her depressed. And as already stated, they kill her sex drive. I'm going to take this on a case-by-case basis, but this is certainly a compelling reason to screen against women on antidepressants.

Hormonal Birth Control

This one is even more insidious. Hormonal birth control (such as The Pill) work by hijacking a woman's natural reproductive cycle. High concentrations of steroid hormones (estrogen and progesterone) are taken to prevent ovulation. This is an extreme hormonal fluctuation that completely recreates her 'chemistry.'

As if the common side effects of acne and weight gain were not enough, there is now evidence that The Pill may affect what male body odors (pheromones) a woman prefers, which can influence her selection of partners.

How does this relate to Path 1 relationships? Simple. When she comes off The Pill because you've together decide to procreate, and her body chemistry returns to normal, she may actually find that she is no longer attracted to you. Suddenly she's not drawn to your scent.

A study by Craig Roberts at the University of Liverpool also suggests that women on The Pill are far more likely to cheat on their partners because of the reduced anxiety of pregnancy.

Most importantly, no one is telling women that sabotaging their reproductive cycles can lead to poor mate choices. As a man, I want to know the woman I've selected has also selected me without being under the influence of hormonal hijacking. Again, this will be a case-by-case scenario for me, but I am compelled to screen against women on hormonal birth control.

I should also mention that while I'm basically looking for 'the one,' I am not looking to make a baby immediately. That said, I have no real desire to ejaculate inside of a woman until we are clear in our intent for creational sex. Save something for the honeymoon, right? Maybe I am just a bit jaded from being on Path 2 for so long, that STD risks aside, I would be a little concerned that hormonal birth control would fail (from either accidental or conscious misuse by the woman.)

Until the woman is right, and the time is right, I prefer to be responsible by providing my own birth control that we call the barrier method, AKA condoms.

But back to the core issue of this post: A drug-free woman is just that. She is not under the influence of any mind-altering or body-chemistry-altering substances including antidepressants and hormonal birth control.

If you think about it, what I am really screening for is a woman who freely, joyfully, and entirely of her own volition, makes informed choices.

GoneSavage

Anticipation vs Compulsion

2009-06-29T07:08:00.010-05:00

This is a continuation of a series of article expounding upon the differences between using masculine directive in finding long-term relationships vs short term flings. If you've read any of my recent posts, then you know that I am exposing how the community teachings are detrimental to the effectiveness of your communication because they encourage you to stay in this unfortunately ambiguous gray-area. Success comes from being clear in you intent, polarizing your approach, and congruently sticking to a pre-decided path.

Early Saturday, I chatted with this an incredible girl that I met Thursday and deemed solid LTR potential. We had a lighthearted chat about pets, and the size of her apartment and bed. These things are important with someone I want to see long term. She has no roommates and lives in a studio that sounds a lot like my own. She has a full bed, which means she'll be spending more time over here than I will at her place. (Guys, the absolute best investment you can make to your pleasure pad is a king size bed.) She's a dog chick, which I think is great because we all know femi-narcissistic cat chicks are crazy. (More on this later.)

Anyway, she gives me this great frame, one that if you ever encountered in STR pursuit you would have to handle in a completely different way than LTR pursuit. (The short answer is that you encourage competition with her friends with STR, and cooperation with LTR.) She says:

"I think you might be interested in my friend, J. I can set you up with her if you like."

I thought for a second. "What gives you that impression?"

"You seemed to really be into her. I thought maybe you just started talking to me to get to her. That's fine with me."

Most guys would lose this incredible girl right here by saying something ambivalent, or by trying to be cocky and funny, or by trying to be anything. I said something to this effect:

"Are you out of your mind? I started talking to you because I want to get to know you. Is this going to be an esteem issue? If there is some reason why you don't feel worthy? I want you to tell me now. I chose you. You can accept that and we can have an amazing adventure or I can move on."

Test passed. I had to meet a client for lunch and I said, "I want to talk to you again -- today -- wait by the phone." This is a playful directive, not to be confused with a brute demand. The point is, it was none of this "call me later" BS.

So I had this ridiculously long meeting with this student that wanted to ask me a million questions. The thing is, I had already been up way over 24 hours, and this meeting was preventing me from getting some sleep. I was also thinking about going to a rave that night as well. By the time this guy left at 6pm, I had to crash. I decided I would send out an invite first.

Let me try to convey this. If someone sets plans with you and then cancels, that person does not lose attractiveness. Oftentimes, interest goes up. However, if this person will not commit to plans, it is obvious that the enthusiasm is low, and the attraction diminishes. So, I wanted to get that invite out, even though it looked like my sleep was going to take priority. I make the invite to gauge her interest and enthusiasm. And if I have to cancel, I know from experience, that I am not losing her attraction, respect, or desire to get to know me.

Now, she has an interesting situation. She's dropped her iphone and the keypad doesn't work, so she can receive texts, but cannot write and send them. I like this, and I texted to tell her:

"I am going to send you sexy texts to make your temperature rise and your whole body blush. And you can't do anything about it... :P"

She didn't call and I'm getting massively tired. So I send the invite:

"Cancel your plans - grab the movie Twilight and some wine and come hang out. If you've already seen that, then you can bring a different movie."

Notice that I am not asking questions like 'Do you have plans, want to hang out?' Lame. Making statements is a decidedly masculine form of communication. This is an invitation by directive.

Then I fall asleep. I wake up 2 hours later when she calls (I had also missed another call from her). She asks what I am doing. I told her that I fell asleep and was sorry to have missed her call. She asks what I am doing tonight. I find this to be a silly question. Did you not read my text? She says she did and relays the details. "Well, that's what I'm doing tonight." I playfully tell her to get over here. Before her call, I was still on a fine-line between cancelling and going back to sleep, but her interest won me over. I was quickly up and ready. Enthusiasm is contagious. She says that horror movies give her nightmares. I tell her that I really don't think this is a horror flick, and besides I will hold her close and prevent any nightmares. She asks what kind of wine I like. It's on.

She takes an hour to come over, which was more time than I needed to clean up. Interest is sky high. If you haven't heard me say it before -- personal interest / enthusiasm is the number one standard you should be screening for in a partner. We kiss almost immediately. The sexual tension is electric.

I thank her amply for the wine and stopping to get the movie. It is a sweet gesture. I've already got my old laptop to set up to watch the movie in bed. I put the disc in and it doesn't work. I move my new laptop over and it still doesn't work. I pull the DVD out to look at it, and it's a damn Blu-Ray. Haha. We share a laugh and I'm careful not to seem critical about this. Simple mistake. Let's find a workaround. I call my friend and neighbor to see if he can bring his laptop over that plays these things. He does. We finally get it set up, and we're cuddling and playing with sexual tension. (Remember that foreplay begins on the approach.) We get like 15 minutes in and the damn computer crashes. We restart it and set it up again, and it crashes again. We decide that the universe just does not want us to see this movie.

So, instead we make love. Penetrative sex is not even critical to what I'm talking about. Before that, we spent about four hours talking about deeply connective issues, pillow fighting, tickle fighting, and lots of slow sexual exploration. It was very playful, erotic, and full of compassionate contact.

And this brings us to our lesson:

Path 1 (Committed LTR) = Building Anticipation

Path 2 (Casual STR) = Acting on Compulsion / Impulse

With Path #1, every aspect of communication is sexualized. The way you look at each other, the way you touch, and the manner in which you ask and answer questions. We're flirting, building sexual tension, and allowing each other to anticipate the culmination of our shared desire.

My maxim here is, "Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."

With Path #2, the sexual tension, by necessity, is built so rapidly that the culmination of your shared desires becomes undeniable. It's about living in the moment, giving in to body sensations, and acting on impulse. Here, you don't often have time to play with building anticipation: Logistics get in the way, opportunities are fleeting, and inhibiting factors can kick in.

Path #1 is about delayed gratification and Path #2 is about instant gratification.

It's the difference between a slow-cooked meal and drive-thru fast food. It's the difference between a road trip and a direct airplane flight. It's the difference between a warm bath and a hot shower.

GoneSavage

Postscript...

It is now Wednesday, and I have not heard from this girl since the night we shared (though I told her to call when she got home safely and she did). I have sent some sensual texts (about the beauty of our connection) and some working together / teaching text (since that is something else we talked about), and I have also called. My correspondences are not being returned.

I know that she is busy as a waitress and an aesthetician. We had the 'money' talk and it is clear that she is looking to relax while a man strives to 'provide' for her. From this perspective, it makes sense that showing a little interest like buying some wine or having wild sex, is just to set the hook. But she also knows that this is not in my current ability. Is she possibly a shameless golddigger and has moved on already? Haha, I doubt it. :-P

I do believe she is busy. In addition to two jobs, she is preparing to fly home for a few days over the holiday. But too busy to take one minute and return a phone call?

I am willing to walk away, but I would really like for her to stick around. Our connection is ripe with potential. And I hate that this could be just another one night stand, especially since my perspective has changed so much since I used to pursue sex as a purely physical conquest.

If she is going her own way for her own reasons, I just want to know why....

Accountability vs Anonymity

2009-06-26T08:32:00.010-05:00

I never would have thought that a 2 Live Crew show would provide an opportunity to meet LTR potential!

Actually earlier in the night, I had started to complain to my friend that I didn't think that it was going to be possible for me to meet my dream girl in the downtown nightlife scene. Sometime the scene just seems so ridiculously low-value to me.

He says, "You WILL meet her here, and you will know her because she will be saying the same thing."

Aha! A bit of a premonition there, because I ended up meeting a great girl. In fact, I know she's great because she's interested in me! It always seems that fate has good taste.

But, is she 'the one?'

That will be determined soon. I just wanted to say how this LTR path seems so liberating for me. To speak of love, passion, and long term intimacy. The exact things that I used to avoid talking about at all costs (marriage, children, 'the future') are the exact things that I talked about with her. It felt so free and natural.

I used to be excited to make out with a girl within minutes of meeting her, now I'm excited to be talking about commitment within minutes of meeting her! Crazy!

I don't want to get too excited, but I feel like I can't go wrong by just stating the obvious. She has an unpretentious beauty like Hera. She can cook (so she says), eats meat, is a non smoker, has no kids already, is modest, is a great kisser, and is interested in tantric sex. And she convinced me that she doesn't go downtown every fucking week. And she's single. And I already mentioned she has no trouble conveying interest in me.

Contrast that with the One Night Stand girls you try to meet. Haha! None of the above matters. Not even the fact that she's single.

If you were to ask a guy to list the qualities he looks for in an Long Tern Relationship and the qualities he'd like in a One Night Stand, he's going to give you two very different lists. This is why I stress that the 2 paths are so inherently unique. The very context of attraction is polarized. The 'game' requires an understanding of polar opposite forces.

So here is your lesson for today:

Path 1 (Committed LTR) = social accountability
Path 2 (Casual STR) = social anonymity

Path 1 requires social accountability like getting approval from her social circle. Of equal importance, is that she has to connect with yours. The whole point of 'social proof' is to gain trust and respect as long term potential through her seeing the trust and respect you've generated with others.

Path 2 requires (if you really want to be successfully promiscuous) a high degree of social anonymity. You have to keep yourself out of her social circle and make yourself an attractive option in the NOW. By token, you don't want to give her the impression that you are inviting her into your social circle either. Anonymity - the sense that neither of you have to answer to anyone or account for anyone else's opinions - is what will permit quick arousal and escalation.

Trust and respect have a different context on Path 2. Trust comes down to assuring her physical safety. Respect comes down to being non-judgemental. Social accountability becomes a liability.

If you want to master Path 2, you have to play into themes of discretion, living in the moment, having juicy secrets, temptation, suspense, body sensations, fantasy, adventure, taking risks, being unguarded, doing what feels right, and answering only to yourself. These are not nearly as important on Path 1.

This is why I tell guys that if you really want to be successfully promiscuous you have to get used to going out alone. Maximum anonymity.

Now, consider that everything you do and say labels you as either a guy on Path 1, or a guy on Path 2.

Community guys convince themselves that they are on Path 2 and then do all kinds of unproductive LTR-related things that detract from the possibility of having no strings-attached casual sex. Why?

Because they don't know any better. The community teaches a lot of middle-of the-road bullshit in order to cast a wide net over an array of men eager to bend over backwards to please women.

Basically guys end up playing that ambiguous fence. You think that this gives you options: "Well if I can't get her tonight then I'll get her number and try to hook up next time."

There's the flaw. By trying to play both, you are effective at neither.

If she isn't down to fuck you that night, what makes you think she's going to fuck you some other time?

Well, the short answer is because she's already considering you as long-term potential. You probably have never thought about this. Even if you have, I bet you think it's great, because now you think you have options and can influence the outcome.

Once again, this is mediocre (and possibly manipulative) thinking. This is not owning your intentions, stating what you want, and living with a driving purpose. This is not seeking mastery through making conscious choices.

So, as an example, she's considering you as relationship material. You're just trying not to mess up long enough to make it to the bedroom. You fuck on the third date. I am not going to assume to know what either of you are thinking, but only point out that this single act of physical connection has different meanings for each of you. Expectations were not aligned.

This can lead to further discrepancy, ambivalence, regret, 'buyer's remorse,' and worse.

This is why even guys genuine in our intention have to deal with enormous trust issues relating to how women have been hurt (often accidentally) by men in the past.

Usually this unintentional manipulation comes from a lack of awareness, clarity, or sensitivity. As I've described, this is a result of doing things that you don't even realize are incongruous with your intention.

Pick a path. Move along that path declaring deliberate intentions. Make conscious actions that are aligned with that path.

GoneSavage

Oh, and I texted this girl as soon as I got home. Then she calls me back. Nice. She tells me that she enjoyed our conversation and she has Saturday free.

I tell her that I haven't thought that far ahead but I fully intend to sweep her off her feet. I have a really good intuition about this one.

The Choice of Paris

2009-06-25T05:50:00.010-05:00

Zeus prepared a grand banquet for the wedding of Peleus (a great war hero) and Thetis (a beautiful sea nymph).

All the goddesses were invited to the ceremony except Eris (the goddess of strife and discord). Nobody wanted that warpig troublemaker there. Spurned with contempt, Eris showed up anyway and tossed a Golden Apple toward Zeus. Inscribed on this Golden Apple are the words, "for the most beautiful."

Three goddesses step forward claiming to be the most beautiful, and thus the rightful owner of the Apple: Hera (the goddess of childbirth and marriage), Athena (the goddess of wisdom and warfare), and Aphrodite (the goddess of love and beauty).

Zeus (notorious player and master of harem management) knew better than to play favorites with his lovely goddesses, so he selected a mere 'nice guy' mortal named Paris to chose the most beautiful.

Immediately, the goddesses began their seductive bribes.

Hera was kinda the 'goddess next door.' Her beauty was uncomplicated and she emanated caring and warmth. She promised to make Paris a king over a vast dominion!

Athena, objectively the least physically attractive, was nonetheless striking by her authority and presence. She promised Paris unsurpassed knowledge and strategy, the wisdom and ability of a great warrior!

Then Aphrodite, a dazzling incarnation of desire, sashayed her way right up to Paris and confidently looked him in the eye conveying pleasure and danger. With her mesmerizing exotic voice, she offered Paris one thing: a single night with The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

Of course she wasn't talking about herself, for she was a goddess. But everyone knew the most beautiful mortal in the world was Helen of Sparta, who was the wife of King Menelaus.

As if he needed any more convincing, Aphrodite pushed her cleavage together and blew Paris a kiss. So forgoing great prowess and power, the hapless Paris chose Aphrodite to receive the Golden Apple of Discord.

The choice Paris made was based on nothing but unreasoned and unrestrained sexual craving. His wish for a single night of lust and delight doomed his entire city. If you know anything about Greek mythology, then you know this decision led to the capture of Helen from King Menelaus which led to the Trojan War and the destruction of Troy.

The moral of the story?

When we chose one thing, it is a significant act. When we pick one goddess, we accept that we may leave the others angry with us. When we delay deciding, we anger them all.

When we pick a path, a life purpose, a mate, we agree to face the challenges of that decision head on. The challenges here mean not only the difficulties you face as consequences of your choice, but also the potentially painful awareness of the paths not taken.

Your decision marks that path - that god or goddess - as elevated above all others.

You control the outcome. Choose mindfully. Choose consciously. Choose wisely.

GoneSavage

Truth About Qualification

2009-06-24T19:45:00.012-05:00

The fundamental flaw of the seduction community is that it's all about pleasing women.

In this regard, your mentality is the same as it was when you were a 'nice guy' or AFC (Average Frustrated Chump). Back then, you really wanted to please women. You wanted their attention and approval. You admitted that you didn't understand women.

Then, you found the community. Here, you may have learned some frames and attitudes to help you 'understand' them, and you may have learned some clever tactics to get their attention, but your desire to please women was never challenged or changed.

There is very little difference between an AFC and a PUA. They both aim to please. They both are addicted to the attention and approval of women. You may say that the AFC is out to please by becoming 'boyfriend material,' and the PUA is out to please by merely becoming 'sex worthy,' but even that is suspect.

A PUA is just an AFC who's sexualized his aim to please women.

Since I've put myself on a conscious path to find 'the one' it seems I am having daily bouts of insight. I got over my obsessive promiscuity real quick when I realized it was nothing more than a compulsory desire to please women.

The community never questions this: Learn how to pick up chicks. Learn how to attract beautiful women. Learn how to increase value. Learn how to create chemistry. Learn how to pass her tests. Learn how to arouse desire. Learn how to chase, pursue, and please.

Let's take the concept of qualification. Look at this statement:

"Understanding qualification is absolutely crucial not only for successfully getting a woman, but also for getting better with women in general."

Do you see the problem with this? Do you see the insidious undercurrent that everything about the community reinforces the assumption that you need to please women?

This is just one small example.

Qualification is not to tactic. It is not something you use to convince her that you are a 'sexual selector' so she'll decide to let you please her.

Qualification is not a way for you to boost her level of interest.

Qualification is how you screen women, for real. It is how you weed out the ones you don't want in your life because you have standards.

Yes, you are allowed to have standards. And not because it makes you more attractive to women, but because it makes you a MAN.

Let me rewrite the above statement:

"Understanding qualification is absolutely crucial to pleasing yourself."

Pleasing women is no measure of success. You can brag about how many chicks you've 'scored,' but this is just an an appeal to vanity -- your excessive belief about your own attractiveness, prowess, or ability to please others.

Here's a question for you:

Was she really into you or was she just bored and horny?

Now, if you have Polarized Your 'Game' and you are on Path #2, I say go for it as long as the expectations are clear and mutual.

If you are on Path #1, qualification is critical. The measure of success here is the degree to which a woman matches your standards.

I'm going to write more on standards and expectations, but for now, I will tell you the #1 thing I screen for because it encompasses all of the other standards (like the 4 Pillars of L.O.V.E.) when looking for longevity and continuity in a relationship.

And that factor is called.... INTEREST.

This is how I see it: "I am only interested in a woman interested in me."

Further: "To show interest, her standards will sync with my own."

I did not say, 'effortlessly,' as successful relationships require deliberate effort. The point is that she understands my standards, and our expectations are effectively mutual.

Notice that my perspective is not to create interest, for I am only looking for women that are interested in me from the start. We strive to find out if we share ideas and are on the same page as far as commitment and life purpose.

If a woman is not interested in me, then I am not interested in her. I am not concerned with the one that got away. Nor am I concerned with sex. If our expectations aren't aligned, I will dump her long before sex.

In the results-obsessed seduction community, success equals having women. Failure equals being single.

In the Savage system, success equals being committed to an interested women. Failure equals being committed to UNinterested women.

After all, being in an unsatisfying marriage is FAR WORSE than being single.

GoneSavage